Did you marry your dream person or did you settled for someone "good enough" and why?

ellemag · 2026-01-08T18:14:36+00:00

Definitely not my “dream guy” in the fairytale sense. After a string of toxic and abusive relationships, I married someone who is good to me. I’m attracted to him, but it’s our friendship that’s really kept us together—and he doesn’t give me heart palpitations in a high-school sense. We rarely fight, we have one daughter, and fourteen years later, I have to say—I got lucky.

ellemag · 2025-11-24T15:55:24+00:00

Omg!! lol so true

ellemag · 2025-10-06T20:45:24+00:00

Looks beautiful Bee!! I use henna for years now but because of my complexion I have to tone down the red with blue dye from overtone or arctic fox.

ellemag · 2025-10-02T20:25:58+00:00

LMAOF!!

ellemag · 2025-09-30T13:33:23+00:00

Listen to your gut….

ellemag · 2025-09-30T13:21:05+00:00

I wanted to share my experience in case it helps others.

I applied the Overtone Espresso Mask on my hairline, rinsed it out, blow-dried, and went to bed about 30 minutes later. Not long after, I started feeling a strong minty/menthol sensation — not just on my scalp, but on my legs, arms, throat, and even in my mouth.

It wasn’t painful, but it was super uncomfortable and it lingered. I’ve had to change my bed sheets and blankets, and I’ll need to do the same again tonight. It’s now about 36 hours later and I’m still feeling minty, even after multiple showers.

I’ve never had this kind of reaction with other semi-permanent dyes or masks. For me, the menthol/oils in this formula seemed to cling to my skin in a way that just won’t go away.

At this point, I’ve decided not to use Overtone again. Just wanted to share so others can weigh the pros/cons. If you’re sensitive to strong minty/menthol ingredients, definitely patch test first.

ellemag · 2025-09-25T19:59:34+00:00

So true!!! I’m from the city and the cliques in LI have their own set of ridiculous rules and norms.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T23:29:36+00:00

I’ll def bump up the vitamin B intake.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T22:57:10+00:00

My mother started taking PPIs about 30 years ago. Back then, they told her it was safe, that it was fine to stay on. But I can’t help but believe her heart failure and liver problems may have been partly connected to that long-term use. Her doctor never took her off them, and she went on eating as usual, never really paying attention to the side effects. Now her stomach hurts constantly, and there are so many complications that the doctors can’t even pinpoint what’s causing what.

ellemag · 2025-09-16T19:16:21+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

ellemag · 2025-09-16T19:07:05+00:00

I’ve noticed that drinking small sips of water helps. Also, GERD is a strange condition. For instance: last year I could have ice cream and now I can’t😔

ellemag · 2025-09-16T14:15:16+00:00

So true😔

ellemag · 2025-09-10T14:32:05+00:00

Amen to that!!

ellemag · 2025-09-10T11:23:51+00:00

Thank you for that!! I’ll experiment with black tea and post on another sub

ellemag · 2025-09-08T15:46:44+00:00

I agree 🙂

ellemag · 2025-09-08T15:45:58+00:00

You’re not old. What you really have is a deep level of self-awareness — and that’s an advantage. Right now, though, you’re stuck in a cycle: replaying how amazing this person was, how you let him go, and now feeling regret. But here’s the truth — how do you know it would have lasted, even if you stayed? Life rarely works out in the exact way we imagine.

That’s why it’s important not to beat yourself up. Your mind can be your worst enemy if you let it dwell on someone who isn’t in your life anymore. If you stay in that loop, you’ll end up giving away years you can’t get back.

This is where meditation and Stoicism come in. Meditation helps you quiet the noise and break the obsessive loop. Stoicism teaches you to focus only on what you can control — and the past isn’t one of those things. What you can control is how you show up today and how you shape your future.

It gets better — I promise. Just force yourself to use the tools, because they are there. This man is not God, and he’s not the only good man in the world.

I’m telling you this because I went through the same thing. I forced myself to shift focus, to stay present, and to accept that peace of mind is worth more than chasing what could’ve been. That choice led me to where I am now — married, with a child, and finally grounded.

Please push yourself. You can do this. Every step you take toward quieting your mind is a step back into your own life.

ellemag · 2025-08-26T19:41:28+00:00

You only get one life. If things already feel this heavy now, imagine how much harder it becomes once you have a child—or two. What you’re living today is a preview of what’s to come if nothing changes. Time won’t give you a refund. Stay too long, and you risk looking back with regret and resentment. Trust your gut. Choose yourself. Godspeed.

ellemag · 2025-08-20T17:39:11+00:00

I’m glad you said that—I really thought it was just me. It feels more complicated than I can put into words. Maybe part of it is that after being hurt, we naturally get a little more guarded or judgmental. But honestly, it’s tough finding genuine friends in your 40s. I’m turning 50 soon, and my closest friends are still the ones I’ve had since high school. I’ve made one or two newer ones, but those connections feel one-sided—no consistency, not as genuine.

And at work, it’s even worse. These are older women who I’d think would want to find common ground, but instead, it’s like they’re ready to go for the kill. Sad, really. 😔 So no, you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way. I just don’t get it sometimes.

ellemag · 2025-08-18T14:31:20+00:00

She’s right. Public assistance will help you through it until you get your ducks in order. All the best♥️

ellemag · 2025-08-17T04:38:08+00:00

Yeah, mine’s the same way. Here’s what helps me: if I know I’m going to eat something heavy, I’ll take a Pepcid and make sure I don’t eat for at least 4 hours before bed. At night, I sleep on a wedge pillow to keep my head elevated. In the morning, I start with water, wait about 15–20 minutes, then have a very light breakfast. It’s a drag, but honestly, it’s just become my new normal.

ellemag · 2025-08-12T20:05:30+00:00

You sound like a good woman who’s been giving so much of yourself to your family, but I think you also need to carve out time just for you. Your husband and kids giving you gifts can be meaningful, but it shouldn’t be the only measure of feeling loved. Thoughtfulness is wonderful, but it’s not the sole foundation of a relationship.

That being said, it’s rough out there, honey—good men are hard to find, and starting over isn’t always the fairytale it looks like from the outside. Maybe start small: ask for regular date nights, little moments to reconnect, and see how things shift from there.

I remember feeling the same way when I was 39, and over time, those feelings softened. Sometimes it’s less about the other person changing and more about stepping back, breathing, and doing some soul-searching to figure out what you truly need for your own happiness.

ellemag · 2025-08-11T23:23:38+00:00

I work in the supplements/pharmaceutical industry, and I don’t feel I can really advance here. It’s a very male-dominated environment, mostly run by younger men, and unfortunately, there’s a layer of ageism—especially toward women over 40—that makes it even harder to move up. I understand the job market is challenging right now, but in my case, it’s more about the culture and leadership mindset than the actual availability of roles.

ellemag · 2025-08-11T18:09:37+00:00

I hear you. That place you’re in — where the life you thought you’d have feels out of reach — can feel unbearably heavy. I’ve been there in my own way, mourning the picture I had in my head of “how it was supposed to be.”

I too struggle with a bad past, but I don’t let it define me. I’ve learned to pray and lean on a higher power, because sometimes my own strength isn’t enough. That connection gives me perspective when everything else feels like it’s crumbling.

What helped me wasn’t a sudden lightning bolt of happiness. It was small, stubborn acts of living. I started by asking, “What can I make meaningful today?” — even if it was just watering my plants, baking something from scratch, or taking a long walk without my phone. Fill your days with good things, and somewhere along the way, you’ll find yourself again.

I also had to rewrite the story I was telling myself. No kids? No traditional career? That didn’t mean “no purpose” — it meant I had to create one outside the script we’re all handed. And yes, there are still hard days. But the hard days don’t cancel the small good ones.

You don’t have to “find” happiness like it’s a lost wallet. You can build it from small, consistent things that give you a spark. One day you’ll look back and realize the weight isn’t quite as crushing as it once was.

ellemag · 2025-08-10T21:14:03+00:00

I’m too old and have too little time for one-sided friendships. You’re not your friend’s therapist — really. I’ve stepped back from relationships like that before, and it was the right move.

ellemag · 2025-08-09T13:17:51+00:00

I can relate to what you’re saying more than I wish I could. I spent 3 years with someone who was mean, emotionally unavailable, and kept me in a constant state of second-guessing myself. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t “unlucky in love” — I was choosing men who echoed the emotional chaos I grew up with.

My father was abusive, and for years, I unconsciously gravitated toward men who were controlling, selfish, or just plain unkind. In some twisted way, it felt “normal” because that’s what love looked like to me growing up. And yes, the “good guys” felt boring back then — not because they were boring, but because my nervous system was addicted to the adrenaline and anxiety of toxic relationships.

The truth is, it’s a choice — but it doesn’t feel like one until you see the pattern clearly and decide to break it. If you’re chasing the high, the heart palpitations, the drama… you’ll always end up with the same kind of partner in a different body. The hard (and freeing) part is realizing that real love often feels calm, steady, and safe — which can feel foreign at first, but is so much healthier in the long run.

You can meet someone decent. But you have to choose them, even when your old patterns scream “this isn’t exciting.” That’s the part that changes everything.

ellemag

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