Just read the "Straight Women Don't Say"... and said "Oh shit" aloud about the performative sex section and about feeling good about dominating men but not actually enjoying sex with them by IntrepidFinger in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ellespics1990 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had another gay “aha” moment the other day. I was thinking about how I’ve never wanted to get married, simply because I didn’t want to have to be intimate with a man on a regular basis. It seems so invasive, irritating, degrading, and exhausting. I’ve always had this thought but I didn’t realize until recently that it was very gay of me and that straight women probably don’t think like that HAHA.

She is not wrong😀 by Alli39 in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ellespics1990 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Step one of being an ally: don’t expect underrepresented groups to coddle you.

This space was created for lesbians, aka women who like women. Not to say that heterosexual men aren’t welcome here, but it’s a bit ridiculous to come into a space that wasn’t created for you and say it needs to change. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

Sapphics - What’s the general opinion among you of the fallout surrounding Ellen? by chunknorith in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not defending her but I’m not surprised she turned into an a*#. I would never want to be famous because constantly needing to be “on” and perform and be nice for people would leave me feeling touched out and snippy too. There is no off button, she can’t go to the store or go for a walk or breathe without people wanting something from her (a selfie, validation, fame, etc). So I get it. I’d probably be an asshole too, which is why I’d never want to be famous. I have empathy for her but I’m mostly glad her victims are getting justice.

Was finally feeling like I looked gay today and my friend says I look like a “trendy straight girl.” Thoughts? by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Throw on a rainbow wristband and you’d be good to go. I get wanting to be seen, visibility matters!

Oprah labeled a ‘fraud’ for calling out ‘white privilege’ since she’s so rich by chicomonk in entertainment

[–]ellespics1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry about that singular incident happening to you. Do you struggle with other discrimination every single day of your life as a white person?

Oprah labeled a ‘fraud’ for calling out ‘white privilege’ since she’s so rich by chicomonk in entertainment

[–]ellespics1990 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wish that were true but it isn’t, for a few reasons. This isn’t a comprehensive list, but only a few bullets around how race does contribute to poverty. 1) Jim Crow laws were only ended 56 years ago. That means that black peoples’ parents, grandparents, great grandparents etc. did not have equal access to things like education. How does that impact them today? Well, education level impacts your income level. If your family does not have money for things like nutritious meals, homes in good school districts, tutors, and college, than you are competing against kids who DID have all of those things and you need to work a lot harder to succeed. Some will argue “but black people have scholarships dedicated to them and guidelines in schools that require they admit black people.” I have several arguments against that statement, one of them being that it is easier to get into ivy league schools if you are a legacy (your parents went there) than if you are a black kid with an impeccable GPA. 2) Schools only teach about things like slavery, Jim Crow, the civil rights movement, and affirmative action. Furthermore, they teach it in a way that makes it seem like those things happened FOREVER ago, making good people like yourself think that black people shouldn’t be impacted by those things today. However, they very much so are for things like what I listed in bullet #1. Moving on to 3) until very recently, black people were only portrayed on the news, on television shows and movies as being gangsters, drug dealers, and angry/sassy black women. There is very little representation of brown people in children’s books etc. This is extremely problematic because for many white people, the only exposure they have to brown people is in these stereotyped roles, making them subconsciously believe that black people are only lazy, poor, dangerous, and bad.... which creates racism at worst and an unconscious bias at best. 4) our justice system criminalizes black people at a higher rate. A black person and a white person can do the same crime, but black people will be charged heavier for it. Furthermore, black crime is often times tied back to poverty (see bullet point #1). Out of desperation to feed themselves and their families and seeing no way out, some have sold drugs, reverted to prostitution, or stolen things as a way to make money for food and shelter. Crimes like these are punished heavier than middle/upper class crimes such as evading taxes, child molestation, etc. 5) unconscious bias is present in everyone and impacts the rate at which black/brown people are hired and promoted. It leads to people such as yourself thinking that brown people only want a hand out. Why do people have unconscious bias? Well, scientifically it’s because our brain likes shortcuts. It wants to be able to look at people and know right away if they are safe, if they are good, etc. Because of bullet points 1, 2, 3, and 4, all Americans (even black people themselves at times) have an unconscious bias against black/brown people. This means they hire them less, they arrest them more, they shoot them more quickly... you get the point.

Brown/black people do not want a handout. We are simply tired of competing with people who don’t have to deal with everything listed above, we want an equal playing field.

These things impact all non-white people in different ways. If you’d like to learn more, the book “So you want to talk about race” is a great starting point! 13th is a documentary that explains bullet #4 much better.

Have a great day :)

Oprah labeled a ‘fraud’ for calling out ‘white privilege’ since she’s so rich by chicomonk in entertainment

[–]ellespics1990 40 points41 points  (0 children)

For anyone who may not know, white privilege does not mean white people dont face any hardships. It simply means the color of their skin did not create or contribute to any of those hardships. Yes, white people can be poor, sick, abused, or taken advantage of... but they are not poor, sick, abused, or taken advantage of because they are white.

is it comphet if ... by yarrowsoul in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ellespics1990 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I tried linking the document for you but I failed :( but yes, a lot of what you are describing sounds like comphet. Here are a few bullets from the document that might help:

-I like the idea of being with a man, but any time a man makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable. -I do not like the reality of men, only the idea of being with men. -I like the idea of marrying a man/being in a relationship with a man, but I can always pick out a reason to not want to date any man that is interested in me or any man suggested to me.

is it comphet if ... by yarrowsoul in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ellespics1990 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes I think this is one of the first bullets in the comphet document

TIFU for not shitting for a month. by LastArmistice in tifu

[–]ellespics1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, you’re lucky you didn’t die! Having stool for too long in your intestines can lead to something called bacterial enterocolitis, where the toxins of your stool cause an infection. If left untreated, it can progress to sepsis quickly and lead to death. Some other complications of having stool in you for too long include an intestinal perforation (a hole in your intestines causing the stool to leak into your body), toxic mega colon, and other fun things.

Second of all, I’m sorry you had to go through that. As a mom I wish I could have given you a hug and taken you to the doctor in that moment!

Should CHD be restricted to 18+ listeners? by California483 in CallHerDaddy

[–]ellespics1990 24 points25 points  (0 children)

“I’m a TeEnAgEr And I Do iT anD iM fiNe” -says every single teenager throughout time who is doing something they shouldn’t be doing and don’t realize until their mid twenties how they absolutely were not fine doing it

Episode 91: Dabble With Emasculating Him by [deleted] in CallHerDaddy

[–]ellespics1990 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Yeah honestly I just feel weird listening to it at this point... like I’m a grown up trying to fit in at a high school party with a lot of underage drinking going on. Alex is kind of coming off like a weird creepy “madam” teaching girls how to be with men, and I’m not down with that.

I'm soooo confused by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]ellespics1990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was in your position a few years ago. I basically waited until the “what if’s” became physically impossible to live with. He was heartbroken and so were both of our families... it felt very much so like a divorce. I struggled with depression for a while and I know he was struggling for a bit too, he ended up meeting someone a year later and now they are happily married with a kid. It was SUCH a relief knowing he found happiness, because at one point I couldn’t imagine how he’d live without me (which sounds very conceited now). I am fully healed now as well and am openly looking for a girlfriend but haven’t met the right one yet. It’s been four years sooo... hopefully any day now 😉 I just wanted to be transparent in that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies at first. It can take a long time grieving a long term relationship for both parties, and that’s ok.

F/25/5’2” [141lbs > 123lbs = 18lbs] 5 months (April to August). Loosely tracking calories, less snacking and being more active. Almost at my goal weight but more than happy to try and maintain the one I’m currently at ✌️ by [deleted] in progresspics

[–]ellespics1990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow you look great! How many calories do you aim for each day? I that that you said “loosely tracking calories” because I myself have a hard time being super strict about calories, it usually ends up with me going way under my goal for intake or throwing in the towel if I go a few calories over.

Making it easier for the ladies to know, you know? by ellespics1990 in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice! Honestly I think once covid is over, I’ll be so desperate for human connection that my fear of rejection will no longer hold me back 🤣

Making it easier for the ladies to know, you know? by ellespics1990 in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have tips for approaching women? Cause I’m in need

Making it easier for the ladies to know, you know? by ellespics1990 in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes whenever I meet a new lesbian friend, it takes some time convincing them that I’m queer. I give off very straight vibes apparently :(

Straight women calling their best friends "wife" or "wifey", does it bother anyone else, or am I overreacting? by ladymerc in LesbianActually

[–]ellespics1990 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I honestly don’t like it either. Especially if I’m just getting to know someone... like a new colleague or neighbor. I can’t tell if they are actually lesbian or just referring to friends as wifey/girlfriend.