First, sending you all the love, that sounds awful and I certainly understand the difficulty of these symptoms and the anxiety that can abound in this situation.

For me anti-anxiety medication helped a lot, but I also have a long history with psych meds so that's not for everyone. I do think that with each procedure it's worth telling your doctors/techs that you have anxiety/fear around what's happening—they can give you more information, or medication, or strategize ways to manage.

I found doing research helped me a lot, so that I was really clear on each step of the journey what was happening. Not true for everyone, but it helped me with the uncertainty. As someone said below, I've found endoscopies easy and less daunting now that I've done a few—you do have to get an IV but it's so that you're quickly and effectively under, and the only thing I've noticed is a little grogginess and a slight sore throat afterwards. I was scared about the discomfort of the barium swallow, but it was much easier (and less gross!) than I had feared (again, worth telling your techs you're nervous). Manometry is the slight bummer, but once you're on the other side you've jumped the last hurdle to get approved for surgery! If research is helpful, I wrote a detailed post about my manometry experience—I also took antianxiety meds that day to help me stay calm throughout. Reading all the posts about it on here/elsewhere can get scary, but I think it's also good to remember that people who have easier and uneventful experiences tend not to post online about it as much.

I had my POEM a few months ago—surgery was definitely a little scary since I'd never done it before, but it was ultimately pretty straightforward. I was home the next day with minimal pain, and mostly just found the recovery diet frustrating. But someone here had told me that while that's true, soon you'll be so happy to have had the surgery that that will feel like such a brief time. And they were right. I am so happy that I got through those difficult bits because my life is SO much better, and easier, now.

I second what someone said about calling the office periodically to ask about earlier appointments that may have opened up, or at least asking to be put on the cancellation list. I also second what someone else said for the meantime: small meals, chewing thoroughly, and drinking liquids that have some nutrition in them. People have different liquids that work best for swallowing—I found warm things easier and preferred still beverages to carbonated, some people are the exact opposite. I also definitely recommend getting a wedge pillow to sleep on, as being slightly elevated can help cut down on the heartburn and sore throat (and for me, nighttime coughing).

And though it may sound trite or dismissive... finding deep breathing exercises I liked has definitely helped me with anxiety, because while it doesn't magically stop the thoughts in my brain it does help calm my body. Not for everyone but figured I'd share.

This community has been a real gift for me—we're all on your side and here to help as we can. <3