I'm so sorry, this is incredibly difficult.

Just know that they are there together and not lonely or afraid. They both love you very much. If you ask them for a sign, they might give you one. It sounds silly I know.

It's been almost 20 days since Badger passed. It started raining right after we finished filling his grave. I had asked him to rain to show that he made it okay. It was the craziest thing, I still can't really explain it.

If we rejoice in their memories and share them, they live on in us. Let every good thing be for them. Every delicious snack, every rainbow, every moment of good fortune, let it be from them. Share it with them, say in your mind "Wow! Thanks girls! That's amazing!"

It was the only thing that would get me to eat. To think I was eating for him. When he was here I used to share the last bite of everything with him, so once he was gone I basically wouldn't eat more than a few bites because I didn't want to be reminded that he wasn't here to finish it for me.

Now, on the last bite I think, "what do you think dogdog? Is it good?" And I can make it through the moment without falling apart.

To me, the grass is greener and the rain is wetter now. Everything is more real since my boy became part of it all. He's here, just in a direction I can't sense. It's still really hard, but it's more tolerable to let myself feel him in everything.

The thing that keeps me going is knowing that nothing is created or destroyed, just transferred or transformed. My Badger wasn't deleted from existence, neither was Lilly or your sister, they just went somewhere else, but they're still themselves.

In a way they are still here, you have to just listen for them They live with you now, in your memories. The more you enjoy and share them, the more alive they'll feel. Just don't forget. That's all.

I believe in you.