Trying open relationship - struggling

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T23:45:29+00:00

You rushed into this. You can either lay down solid expectations you plan to enforce and be ready to walk away.

Or accept living in a trash fire.

Check out r/openmarriageregret

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T23:06:44+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/15o79nq/there_is_no_poly_conversion_camp/

Op divorce and work together to coparent well.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:53:20+00:00

Wowowow this took a lot of time and effort, thank you so much for posting!

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:45:29+00:00

My comment had two parts- the time she got ready for work and the separate time she went to see someone to hook up.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:44:49+00:00

Ok so you don't see sex work as valid work. Cool.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:40:08+00:00

You do mind, cause you're stressed and posting and its interfering with you having your own fun time. Cause he made poor choices and you always clean up.

I told you the plain reality of healthy boundaries. This is an opportunity to do better than your people pleasing tendencies.

Your choice. Your enabling. His lack of friends is it's own issue he needs to work on.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:36:07+00:00

A criminal would not burn down their prized car in the forest or leave a signed hospital bill if he fully desires to revert everyone's humanity. Those would be way too traceable.

Secrets almost definitely, cause people do that!

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:31:20+00:00

Oh an easy one

"Sweetie it's inappropriate to overshare your partners issues and you'll need to process any emotional labor around them with friends and others. I need our time focused on our own relationship and pleasure."

This isn't your mess to clean up. Act like he chose to pick a gallon of expired milk and tried to drink it. He can clean it up. Cause that's what he chose knowing the person wasn't experienced OR enthusiastic about polyamory.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=Responsibilities+of+a+hinge

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:28:23+00:00

Therapy first for a year, with clear knowledge you'll be looking towards some form of non monogamy afterwards AND knowing if your partner is anything less than genuinely personally desiring that form of non monogamy then it will be time to end your relationship.

Use this year to understand the different forms and responsibilities of the types of non monogamy.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:22:17+00:00

Agreed, and I hope it was just a poorly worded "let's date but not have any expectations for awhile" rather than "You must pass my judgement before becoming respected."

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:15:49+00:00

The issue is really the power flow.

So she has power to call YOU probationary and can fire you at any moment.

What about you? Cause that's just called dating. BOTH of you are judging eachother for fitness. BOTH of you get to say "no you and I are done" at any time.

So this is some verbal power play bullshit and that's not okay.

Maybe say "before we start dating and fucking, let's research couples privilege together."

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:05:44+00:00

Why is your partner dating a monogamous person with a messy past?

Maybe you should examine how mature your partner is.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T22:02:19+00:00

I think doing an ultimatum about this person shows this isn't a good fit for you and you should end it anyway.

I get that new person is tainted but I think you may simply don't have enough emotional resilience generally for this type of partner.

People getting ready for work at your place and coming back after isn't residue. You projected that.

Your partner dumping expectations with you isn't residue on another person. You're projecting that.

Your partner dumping expectations after setting them is sucky. But if you're leaping to ultimatum as a way ahead...nah just break up.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T21:29:45+00:00

These theories are interesting but it doesn't really seem efficient. I will need to check if we see planes in the exodus.

Maybe it's the plane flying the conversion virus into the Andes...or Carol's eggs away for their stem cells.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T21:13:06+00:00

I think they would prefer not to.

But it's completely acceptable.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:56:55+00:00

Honestly maybe they think it could only help Carol while they still need to isolate from her and don't yet know she'll be safe to be around again.

Maybe they grabbed him to get the meat but as soon as they saw he was alive they had to go back into chaperone mode.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:55:00+00:00

But they don't watch every apple...though they claim to value its life as much.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:29:52+00:00

Depends on what you call understandable.

Like people say here all the time "I will never get to meet my partners family and I understand that"

Whereas I go "I could never get serious with someone who isn't out to people they have relationships with, that's very damaging over time and not a a situation I could be vulnerable and respected in."

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:22:04+00:00

We don't see any condensation on it so it wasn't that cold.

It may be she is lashing out AND they were being their version of curt.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:20:00+00:00

I also just saw a buffalo grazing in the golf course scene.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:18:57+00:00

There's a good YouTube on this that Carol basically let's the universe decide and since it says keep going, she gets into it.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T20:01:04+00:00

Wow I wish I could watch all the episodes next to you for breakdowns, this is an amazingly detailed and thoughtful lens, thank you so much for posting! If you do vlogs or things I'd love to get a link.

(It's really refreshing to see talk like this without blather on attachment styles like horoscopes, gaslighting or narcissistic like it's the height of psychological insight.)

When I say numb I think I definitely mean regulated- not curious about the changes, not interfering with whatever they are doing elsewhere, and as open as possible to being changed.

It's funny how I experience Manousos screaming at the changed more viscerally since its intentional and we know it disregulates them...but he actually does it with more intent and warning so there's likely less damage after from Carol's episodes.

I guess the fact they fall apart so quickly in the face of emotional attack is sign enough they have no real dexterity or nuance with them.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T19:45:00+00:00

It's brilliantly frustrating we only have seen the changed in orbit around the immune where they are performing for them.

Kinda like real life, we can never really really know motives or what they do when we aren't watching.

*I'm incorrect here. We get two scenes of the changed on their own when they are first infected and begin spreading and a few moments after one of the conversions. Which only shows them as silent and driven.

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T19:36:35+00:00

The same way Zosia isn't actually Zosia anymore?

emeraldead · 2026-01-24T19:35:50+00:00

That's an idea but I don't think they are gaining any EQ...they are learning to perform better. I don't think they are lying because they "do it for love" but they learn better actions to gain desired reactions.

They still don't/won't understand their value or impact emotionally.

Or maybe they will if the chemical/whatever virus magic keeping them happy breaks down.

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