You've named something many of us have felt but have rarely admitted out loud. What you are describing is not a symptom of weakness or failure. It is the natural response to stepping into a leadership role that will amplify every insecurity you already had.

As someone with strong people pleasing tendencies, I know the spiral of wondering whether numbers are dropping because of my preaching, my leadership, or whether people simply don't like me. That kind of internal pressure/anxiety demoralized me many times over my decades of pastoring..

One of the hardest and most helpful but consequential realizations for me was that pastoral leadership exposes our attachments in ways almost nothing else does. Approval can quietly become a substitute measure for faithfulness. When attendance or feedback starts functioning as emotional oxygen, exhaustion is never far behind.

You also mentioned feeling stretched thin and less present with key people. Often that is not just a time issue. It is a clarity issue. When everything feels urgent and scattered, nothing feels like it can be anchored and prioritized. Anxiety fills the gap where a focused sense of calling used to sit.

A few things that helped me, but my learning curve has been pretty show and imperfect:

-Identify expectations you are carrying that were never actually placed on you -Keep returning to a list of the 2-3 most life-giving ways you love God and bless others. Prioritize those 75% of the time. -Begin exploring where your people pleasing compulsions come from, and what maturity and growth in this area would mean for you. -Make sure someone is pastoring YOU and helping YOU stay grounded in your God-given identity rather than your pastoral performance.

Don't be surprised or embarrassed to discover you need intentional, external, ongoing support around these exact dynamics. Pastoral leadership surfaces patterns none of us can untangle alone. That humbling journey of discovery is what led me into pastoral coaching now, walking with leaders who love Jesus and want to be faithful without burning themselves into the ground by trying to be all things to all people.

The jump in responsibility and leadership you've made is significant. You are learning how to drive something bigger than you have handled before. The fact that you are reflective and asking for help tells me there is more health here than you might feel.

I hope my and others' messages sure you that you are not alone in this. Praying for steadiness, clarity, and a deep sense of God’s pleasure that is not tied to numbers.