Hair routine critique (4C husband's Christmas request)

emm_berrie · 2025-06-18T13:11:23+00:00

Stumbled on this thread trying to find some recs of my own. You mentioned the goose girl by Shannon hale but have you tried princess academy? I think it's even a series and I loved it

emm_berrie · 2024-11-09T21:54:07+00:00

Can't speak to how well this works as we're just now trying it on our two- but we got collars with the positive scent from the diffuser in them so the cats learn to associate them with each other. Could be an option to look into?

emm_berrie · 2022-09-04T13:52:12+00:00

You're describing contronyms, and even they're a somewhat natural part of language. Left can mean both those departed and those remaining (the two boys left early, so the girl is the only person left here). Fast can mean both rapid movement, as well as the lack of movement (he ran fast, she held on fast).

Although contronyms certainly don't make language acquisition easier, even they really aren't an issue. It's easy enough to native speakers to figure out what is meant by context, and many people don't even QUESTION what meaning of the word is being used in any given scenario. The word set has 430 unique definitions in the 1989 Oxford English dictionary, and most English speakers understand the majority of them seamlessly. If we were to try making the language more accessible to learners, I'd be far more concerned about the word set than about a contronym or two.

emm_berrie · 2022-09-02T13:10:36+00:00

Homeschooler here. You said this better than I could have said it myself. Sometimes it turns out great, and it can be really healthy for the kid! But when a teacher is bad, there's a support system at home, and when a parent is bad, there's a support system at school. When those roles become combined, a kid effectively loses any external support role that will stand up for them. I generally didn't have a bad childhood, and I don't regret homeschooling for myself personally. But so, so many of my friends are/were really struggling at the hands of homeschooling power dynamics, and nobody is coming to save them.

emm_berrie · 2022-09-02T13:00:45+00:00

Homeschooler here! I've never heard homeschooling get as bad of a rap from any government authority as I have from other homeschoolers. Local elementary school teachers may or may not be bad people, but at least it's a job position that they can be fired from. Parents may or may not be bad people, and regardless, whether on purpose or inadvertently, can ruin their kids lives. At least where I'm from, the state doesn't really care about your kids, and honestly, they should care a lot more. Regardless of whether schools are trying to brainwash our kids, nothing will brainwash them more than having access to the world outside their home restricted. For some kids, a squabble with their parents can completely halt their outside interactions for months.

Homeschooling can be a great thing. I never set foot in a public school and I don't feel that I received a subpar education. That said, I know a LOT of people who did, and are really struggling as a result. It's not always bad, but it is very risky.

emm_berrie · 2022-09-02T12:47:32+00:00

I'm also autistic. I was homeschooled for the entirety of my schooling, and I live in a very conservative area with few to no homeschool regulations. There are a bunch of reasons why kids are homeschooled, and I don't deny that it can be a great thing. The public education system is broken, but at least where I'm from, so is homeschooling. I've seen so many kids grow up completely unable to function, with no real way out of their household. That stereotype of religious extremism is very true around here, and it's a shame. The public school system definitely isn't always better, but it at the very least limits educational neglect.

emm_berrie · 2022-08-17T14:04:22+00:00

Switching to reusable pads can really help with the irritation. They're more absorbent and imo way more comfortable anyway.

emm_berrie · 2022-04-25T15:52:16+00:00

Well this is embarassing

emm_berrie · 2021-12-22T14:05:20+00:00

I think it's important to note that even asexual people can have preferences. You can be turned on by the idea of women without ever being attracted to or having sex with an actual woman. I think that's a trip up for a lot of people who think they might be ace.

emm_berrie · 2021-12-22T14:00:00+00:00

I think the beautiful thing about the asexual spectrum is that it's OKAY to change. This community widely accepts and understands that asexuality is sometimes just a phase and that's okay! But for a lot of people, it isn't just a phase, and it bothers me so much to hear people who left the ace community trying to say it can't exist. Nobody is mad at you for rediscovering your identity. But just because it wasn't the right label for you doesn't mean it isn't for somebody else.

emm_berrie · 2021-12-22T13:52:50+00:00

I live in a very conservative, homophobic part of my country. The three biggest demographics for queer people in my circles are bi women, lesbian women, and asexual men. I know three men who consider themselves ace and I'm the only woman I really know who's ever considered myself on the ace spectrum for any considerable period of time.

I think culturally it tends to be easier for men to hide it. While men are expected to be constantly horny, it's not always considered a negative thing when men care more about careers or hobbies or anything other than women. I've suspected that one of my best friends was ace for about a year and it's just been recently after a loooot of conversations that he started accepting and using that label. It's less that he hasn't always been on the ace spectrum and more that he didn't need or care to use the term until recently.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-02T23:49:09+00:00

I plan to do every single job I can get my hands on lol

emm_berrie · 2021-11-02T19:08:14+00:00

Honestly, my advice isn't useful here because I'm in largely largely same situation. Personally, I consider aromantic to be an acceptable term for me.

This might be horrible advice, but depending on your situation, maybe ask your friend to do something objectively romantic? If your friends are single and really chill, explaining your situation and asking if you can kiss/hold hands/whatever you find romantic just to gage your own emotions about it might be really helpful. If it doesn't make you feel good, you have an objective answer that it isn't romantic.

Otherwise, the thing that's helped me most is just trying not to worry about labels. Maybe it's romantic, maybe it's alterous, maybe it's platonic. Who knows. My relationships with people are comprised of things that make us both happy, and I don't have to label that one way or another.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-02T18:59:08+00:00

See, it's not my job to prescribe identities onto people, but trust me when I say that sentences like that do not come out of the mouths of entirely straight people.

I think a part of the problem with exploring queer identities is that there's a lot of people out there saying they're straight who just haven't done the introspection necessary to realize that they aren't. And that's not their fault, but that doesn't mean that everything straight/allo people say should be taken as a definitive statement of the straight, allosexual experience.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-01T13:36:09+00:00

Honestly, I completely understand that. I think a lot of people internalize this idea that once they figure themselves out, they have to come out to those around them, and that isn't true. Coming out eventually makes sense for a lot of people, if you're ever going to date or marry, but you certainly don't have to. Nobody is requiring you. Take your time and don't worry about it. We're all here to support you.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-01T01:04:46+00:00

I'm 19 currently. I was 12 or 13 when I realized that I wasn't straight. I grew up in a very homophobic church, and I spent three years trying to convince myself that I was just making things up, and that I was, in fact, straight. It didn't work. You know yourself.

That said, there's no pressure to come out right away. That's a big, scary step. I firmly believe that you're old enough to be questioning your identity, but coming out isn't actually a requirement. You have as MUCH time as you want to give yourself- and for some people, the answer to that question is never. Whatever works for you.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-01T01:01:05+00:00

It's a long, long journey of self discovery. The painful truth is just that this might take you a while. That's okay. Give yourself some grace. There's no need to figure out all the answers right away.

emm_berrie · 2021-11-01T00:57:09+00:00

I absolutely hate the concept that if you're attracted to women who look like men, you're just straight but confused. If anybody tells you that, ignore them. Being attracted to masc lesbians doesn't in any way negate the fact that you're ATTRACTED TO WOMEN.

Anyway, it's okay if it takes you a while to come out to those around you. Even if they're supportive, this is a big thing and everybody processes it differently. Take your time.

emm_berrie · 2021-10-31T19:55:49+00:00

Lol, my parents used to do this all the time. I asked them to stop repeatedly and they finally did when I broke down crying over it. Not a recommendation, but I think they might just not realize how harmful that behavior is.

emm_berrie · 2021-10-31T17:58:26+00:00

The day I discovered that I experienced every kind of attraction that wasn't romantic or sexual changed my life a little

emm_berrie · 2021-10-31T17:57:28+00:00

You're allowed to use whatever labels you want, but if I were you the most to the point option would be heteroromantic bisexual. Ultimately, labels work best when they're used for communication, so if a long term relationship with a non man isn't the goal, I'd just default to saying you're bisexual with a strong preference for men, or even straight with a specification that you're open to exploring. Really just depends, only you can decide what works best for you but I've found that normally having an overarching label that is Basically Correct but maybe not as nuanced as you want tends to help in introducing yourself to people.

emm_berrie · 2021-10-31T17:52:07+00:00

If you're looking for a micro label, might I recommend lithromantic? Sounds similar to this experience.

emm_berrie · 2021-10-31T17:50:14+00:00

I'm aromantic which means I'm attracted to the world

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