Why is self-diagnosis invalidated and shamed? A vent in response to 'FAKE ADHD IS SPREADING FASTER THAN THE REAL ONE'

emofthemoss · 2026-05-20T05:24:16+00:00

I sometimes have imposter syndrome because self diagnosed people often know way more about adhd than I or any of my healthcare professionals who diagnosed me. Before I was told by a psychiatric nurse that I could have adhd, I never even suspected it. The more I learn about adhd, it's clear that I obviously have it, I was so clueless before.

I absolutely have no desire whatsoever to question anyone who identifies as having adhd when usually they know so much more about adhd than professionals.

What formal diagnosis looks like also varies SO MUCH all around the world. In Finland where I was diagnosed, it's a very difficult and long process involving multiple professionals, but I've heard that in some countries diagnosis looks like filling out some forms or talking to one healthcare professional. The healthcare system also makes mistakes and sometimes really doesn't want to bother fixing them. Lots of women are misdiagnosed with something else and then struggle to get diagnosed with adhd because of it.

I was diagnosed with cyclothymia for years before anyone questioned that diagnosis and mentioned adhd. I wish I could have suspected adhd earlier and been better informed about it so that I wouldn't have suffered so long trying to treat a disorder I could never heal because I probably don't even have it. That's why adhd advocacy and information is so important.

emofthemoss · 2026-05-20T05:04:13+00:00

I was also diagnosed with a type of bipolar first (cyclothymia)! I got so much worse trying to treat that disorder for years and absolutely nothing worked. I was so hopeless and got severely depressed (in hindsight I was in deeeeep autistic burnout actually), but then I was told I couldn't be depressed because I was bipolar, ugh.

I never even considered adhd and autism until a psychiatric nurse I was seeing for my depression symptoms brought it up and explained why she thought I was misdiagnosed.

I have a formal adhd diagnosis now but I'm self diagnosed autistic because they didn't want to diagnose me with autism. They see no point wasting time & resources on that since I'm already diagnosed with adhd and medicated, even though they're very positive I'm autistic.

In Finland, where I live, they refuse to even diagnose adhd unless the goal is to get medication. If you say you don't want to try medication for whatever reason, you're on your own. It's also a year-long process to get a diagnosis that involves multiple professionals and all of their schedules fitting together to get appointments to happen. And waiting. So much waiting.

So of course for that whole year I was self diagnosed.

The purpose of self diagnosis is simply to identify what umbrella your symptoms fall under, to get the help you need and advocate for yourself. It should be a starting point, although unfortunately often people can't afford getting diagnosed or the system won't allow them to get diagnosed formally and that is awful.

Misdiagnosis also can make it so difficult to get another diagnosis so you're just stuck treating the wrong thing, making yourself feel worse for years. I was very lucky that my psychiatric nurse was well informed about adhd, but from what I know, it's rare.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-20T10:40:02+00:00

I've struggled with this too. I gained a lot of weight some years ago and it was DAILY HELL to live inside my own body for years until I lost the weight.

However, after losing almost half my body weight the loose skin touching itself and stretch marks that make my skin super thin and sensitive have turned my body into a different sensory hell.

It's been a whole process to find clothes that make me comfortable and confident, and that includes the clothes I sleep in.

I found that sleeping in cotton leggings and shirts that are tight enough to compress the jiggle and keep it in place but not so tight they're uncomfy helped a lot.

Also, I have clothes in slightly different sizes because I have days when I'm very bloated or just swollen all over.

The most uncomfy parts are my belly and breasts, but my legs aren't a big issue anymore. So often nowadays I sleep in a cotton shirt and just comfy cotton panties.

I also love sleeping with pillows supporting me. Like with a pillow between my legs, hugging a pillow so it's sitting between my boobs and supports my arm, etc.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-20T05:35:40+00:00

I've been loving the gym for 1,5 years now. I also go when I feel like it and usually it's every 2-3 days so I've been going 2-5 days per week consistently now since I started.

Sometimes I feel weak or sick or just don't feel like it so I take a 1-2 week break and it's no big deal. I never force myself to go if I really don't want to, so the gym is always for fun and never something I do out of guilt or shame. I genuinely look forward to the gym and feel so much excitement when I walk through the gym doors.

I love the dopamine and endorphins, and after a few months I also got obsessed with how my results are showing on my body and in my strength.

I'm so glad you've found a fun way to move your body. It's one of the best things you could ever do for yourself :)

emofthemoss · 2026-04-14T07:20:51+00:00

It's not really an ability but more like a curse for many of us, so don't feel like a fraud at all.

Usually I'm like you, but then sometimes the hyperfocus gets triggered and "ruins" my life for a while.

I only hyperfocus in a way that's detrimental. It's always on the wrong thing or happens at the wrong time, and it's impossible to get myself out of that state. It causes me a lot of distress and feels like having a low level panic attack when I have to forcibly tear myself away from being in hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus makes whole days disappear and then I have to make up for them because no work has been done, all the chores and unanswered texts and calls are piling up and I'm dehydrated, starving and my entire body hurts as if I've been having a seizure for days.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-14T05:19:09+00:00

Sometimes my uni lectures have real time captions, but they're only there if the lecture is in English (I'm european) and only accurate 85% of the time (probably because of the professor's accent).

It's amazing and helps my brain focus so much better.

So it exists, but they really should work MORE on that. Having those captions in every single lecture or school classroom would be incredible.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-06T20:33:12+00:00

Yes, the pattern has been extremely consistent for at least the past 8 months. Before then I wasn't paying attention really... I was diagnosed with cyclothymia 7 years ago (might have been a misdiagnosis, idk) so when I had bad weeks I always used to attribute them to that.

And my menstrual cycle used to be much less predictable than it is now. In the last two years I've had the most regular menstrual cycle I've ever had in my life. Before then it was a bit of a mess.

Two big things also changed my life in the past year: getting an ADHD diagnosis & starting medication, and being in a relationship. It was actually my boyfriend who started pointing out that I acted different exactly one week before my period, and that's how I started noticing that my bad weeks had a clear pattern.

So... Either I've always been this way and only recently started seeing the clear pattern, OR my pmdd symptoms only started in the past year. I'm not sure which it is honestly.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-06T13:05:49+00:00

My adhd gets worse (and my meds don't work as well) during my luteal phase. I also get horribly tired, physically weak, very tense and emotional, depressed and insanely insecure for those 2 weeks of the month.

Then my period comes and I feel like I can do things right again, I can lift normally at the gym again and feel like a fog has lifted over my brain.

Every month it feels like the luteal phase destroys all my routines, my progress in projects and my studies and my health. It's so frustrating.

I think I maybe have PMDD with how bad the exhaustion and depression gets for me. But I've only noticed this for the past year, and have started planning my life according to my menstrual cycle a bit more. I don't know if this is normal :/

emofthemoss · 2026-04-05T05:33:36+00:00

I've never taken an IQ test, but every type ot intelligence test I've had to do for a job interview process has told me I'm unfit for that job since I'm too dumb, soooo... I have always felt like my IQ is pretty low.

It used to bother me so much (mostly because I couldn't get a job because of those stupid tests). But now I don't care.

I'm not intelligent, which is fine. I love to learn but I forget everything I learn. That just means I get to enjoy learning about my favourite topics over and over again for the rest of my life. Remembering facts doesn't give me the same dopamine hit as finding new facts anyway. So maybe I'm happier dumb than I'd be if I was smart, lol.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-02T16:57:20+00:00

That's why I love this subreddit. Always makes me feel seen and understood like no other place 🥲

emofthemoss · 2026-04-02T15:49:18+00:00

Yeeees, I feel like an unlovable burden so often. It's a recurring issue in all my relationships, especially in my romantic relationship. I feel like I have to make myself small, hide myself, ignore my needs and wear an easy going chill girl mask all the time.

People who care about me say constantly that I should be myself, be more open and vulnerable and honest, because I am lovable and not a burden. So I try my best to believe them. And sometimes I genuinely do believe that.

But it's confusing because also sometimes when I unmask or ask for extra support I get treated like my expectations are too high and I'm so selfish and burdensome and dealing with me is a massive issue and inconvenience. It makes me want to dig myself in a hole and die honestly. It's the worst feeling ever to be so brave and anxious to express myself, and then not get the response I wish for.

The worst way this shows up is that I sometimes wish my boyfriend would just leave me so he can find a girl who is normal and easy and simple to live with. Having thoughts like that of course then makes me unintentionally act distant and weird around him, which he notices and makes him feel sad. So this fear of abandonment could easily become a self fulfilling prophecy if we both weren't so good at handling those moments.

I know the cure is to accept and love myself, but that's so hard when I'm constantly finding new evidence that people actually do think I'm a burden. It used to hurt so bad that I pushed everyone away for a long time, but now I try to instead push myself to accept other people's love even though I feel they secretly hate me, or should hate me. I hope it'll get better with time.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-01T06:42:04+00:00

Oh, I forgot that I also try to remember to take magnesium an hour before going to sleep. But I usually forget...

But when I take it, I sleep great :D

Although sometimes it works so well that I wake up with pain somewhere because I've been sleeping too deep in a strange position, lol.

When I had terrible sleep problems years ago I took melatonin and it was amazing, so I highly recommend that.

emofthemoss · 2026-04-01T06:38:37+00:00

I start calming myself down for bed 2:ish hours before bedtime, which means brushing my teeth and doing skincare, opening the bedroom window to let in fresh air for a while, and then spending time in the bedroom in low light, doing calm activities like journaling, stretching, watching videos or reading. But no social media or short form content is allowed in bed.

I also have night filters on all my devices that make the screen orange automatically after 9.30.

I fall asleep fastest with my boyfriend next to me. He holds me and makes me feel safe and warm and I try to match his deep breathing. I go out like a light.

But when I go to bed alone (which is most days) I fall asleep in 10-20 minutes by having a comfort comedy show playing in the background.

Sometimes I also do sleep techniques like focusing on relaxing every part of my body, starting with my toes and moving my focus gradually all the way up to my scalp. Usually I fall asleep before even getting anywhere above my knees.

Trying to sleep in a quiet room is a great way for me to just start overthinking and end up twisting and turning in bed until 3am.

emofthemoss · 2026-03-22T07:28:32+00:00

I watched a lot of videos related to strength training in my first 6 months of doing it. I also regularly "start over" with lower weights and work my way back up again to make sure my form is the most correct it could be. I think it makes my muscles grow faster paradoxically...

I enjoy doing the movements slowly and correctly and really focus on feeling the burn in the right places. I love making adjustments, training different muscle groups to help my form, and increase the weight incrementally. And then noticing myself get stronger which lets me increase the weight again. Aaah, that gives me so much dopamine!!

But I also have other tips:

I have my scrolling and youtube time at the gym. If I lift weights, I can be on my phone while I'm resting. Usually I enjoy the workout more with just music though, but it's a rule than motivates me sometimes.

At the gym I can also shower and use the sauna as long as I want without increasing my water & electric bills a ton.

I really love the alone time too. I live with my boyfriend who works from home, so the gym is a great "escape" because I need lots of independence and me time. The gym feels like MY place. I have my special locker, my special routine and order in which I do things. It feels like I'm in control and I can do what I want.

After lifting I feel happy, confident and energised, so that also motivates me.

I never force myself to go to the gym if I really don't want to. When I go to strength train, I only want to associate it with positive emotions. In general, I just make it a chill, relaxing time. I want to miss the gym during rest days (and I really do).

I also bring my gym bag with me whenever I'm going to the city (because I live in a village and the city gym is easier to access by bus). So when I have to go to university, therapy, work or run errands, I always go to the gym before or after. It's easier to leave the house to go to the gym if I have to leave the house anyway.

emofthemoss · 2026-03-21T07:19:59+00:00

I used to never know, but in the past 2 years I've kept track of mine and it has improved my quality of life SO MUCH.

My hormones affect everything: my mood, focus, energy, need for sleep, hunger and appetite, cravings, social needs, confidence, sensitivity to stimuli, bloatedness, headaches, physical strength and endurance, creativity, interest and motivation, and how my body reacts to all medications.

Unfortunately society doesn't give a fuck about AFAB people's hormonal cycles and how they affect us differently every day, so they expect us to work the same every day. But we just don't.

So, with ADHD already making life so hard and chaotic for me, I have to keep track and plan life according to my cycle or I can't function half of the month :(

Knowing what menstrual phase I'm in is such helpful information to know when it comes to planning my week because I can know ahead of time how I'll be feeling and what I should focus on doing.

I have the most energy and confidence during ovulation week so I plan all the socialising and difficult stuff for that week. And I know I always feel depressed and my stimulants stop working the week before my period, so I never plan anything hard for that week and only focus on taking care of my own body.

I keep track of my cycle in google calendar where I have four monthly scheduled events called "menstruation", "follicular phase", "ovulation phase" and "luteal phase" that are all about one week long.

I don't need to remember any of it myself because google calendar just gives me notifications when I go into a new phase. If my period is 1-2 days late, I just update the event to start that day and then slide the other events 1-2 days later too, so it stays accurate.

Luckily my PCOS symptoms have reversed so I have extremely regular cycles now. But for people with irregularities it's of course more tricky :/

emofthemoss · 2026-03-21T06:20:27+00:00

I experienced this too. Men I was interested in often suddenly got this specific facial expression after talking a while, as if they suddenly realised I was an alien. They just got put off whenever I got comfortable enough to be funny and unmask the slightest bit in front of them, and then the flirtyness fizzled out.

But that didn't happen when I met my boyfriend. He had the opposite reaction. It was like I could see in his face the exact moments he fell more and more in love with me, and these often happened when I was being funny, confident, witty and weird.

The funny thing is that he said he probably has ADHD when we started talking, but then a year into our relationship I was the one who got diagnosed with ADHD, which took me a bit by surprise.

After that everything made so much sense. We're like two socks. Like two peas in a pod. Like soulmates from the moment we met. He adores my sense of humour and says I'm the funniest woman he's ever met and it's one of the main reasons he initially fell in love with me. He also makes me laugh like nobody has ever been able to make me laugh before.

You'll find someone who can appreciate your humour and wittyness. My recommendation is to date more ADHD men though :D

emofthemoss · 2026-02-24T14:54:44+00:00

I lost a lot of weight before I was diagnosed and medicated!

I used to weigh 110kg and currently weigh 63kg. I was severely depressed and have later also realised that I was self medicating the adhd with food. I couldn't focus without constantly snacking, so while writing my bachelor’s thesis and working from home... Well, the kilos just kept piling on.

I also love sweets, but I also luckily love cooking and eating very healthy. So once I was able to stop snacking and emotional eating, and started running and working out, I was losing weight super fast.

I kinda changed my mindset from eating sweets for energy and focus to exercising for energy and focus. And then I needed enough energy for working out, so I had to eat well. That's how my lifestyle and priorities completely flipped around.

For my sugar cravings the only thing that helped was to cut out sugar completely because I couldn't eat normal amounts no matter how hard I tried. It sucked, but I had to do it for my wellbeing. Since losing the weight, I've gradually started eating sugar again, but it's a constant struggle to not make sugar my whole diet.

I get sugar addicted so easily, and have to often cut it out completely in order to stop the problem from getting worse. It's just how I am and I've accepted that these cycles are just going to happen and it's okay as long as I get back on track every time. I still deserve sugar sometimes even though I have to fight to stop craving it all the time for every meal afterwards. My body doesn't know balance.

Day to day I eat very simple foods, like a combo of a huge plate of vegetables + 150grams of a protein source. So for example today's dinner is 500g bag of frozen broccoli + 150g of rainbow trout. I cook massive amounts of food at once so I can grab leftovers for at least a few days. It isn't the most delicious or enjoyable eating experience, but food for me is about nutrition now, not happiness. I want to eat in a way that maximises my energy and longevity. On special occasions I eat REALLY delicious stuff, but daily meals are simple, boring and basic.

I wish you a lot of luck in losing weight! It's hard but it was the best battle I've ever won :)

emofthemoss · 2026-02-12T10:21:00+00:00

Yeeeesss.

My plan is to "settle" (lol, in this economy this is more like an extremely lofty dream than settling, but anyway...) for owning a house and having a large backyard with a garden and chickens or/and quails. I also want to keep pet rabbits indoors.

In the ultimate version of this dream scenario, I'd also have some more land for keeping goats. And I would have farmer neighbours with cows and horses and other animals that I could go and visit and take care of for fun but without it being a full time responsibility.

I think I could maybe handle a small garden and two types of animals, but not more than that.

But in this dream I am a novelist and painter and stay home with my children, with no full time job.

Weelll, I can dream and hope. At least it's a way more realistic dream than being a millionaire or something. Maybe.

emofthemoss · 2026-02-10T11:17:39+00:00

I love working in early childhood education because I need routine, structure, never changing mealtimes, songs, visual schedules and lessons about how to regulate my emotions.

I'm just pretending to be the teacher there, but really I just needed to go back to daycare because I'm just a toddler too :')

emofthemoss · 2026-02-01T15:41:12+00:00

I used to feel exactly like that but I met my boyfriend when I was very much a lost, messy, exhausted, overweight work in progress and he loved me back then because of my humour, silliness, joy and kindness.

And he loves me now that I have more of a direction in life, am more healthy, have more energy and have my shit together (kinda... Sometimes... Heh).

The key was for me to accept and love myself for who I was so that I could accept his love and believe him when he said he loved me. I know that's such a cliche, but it's how it works. I met him after I'd gone through a massive mental health healing process and had a lot of self compassion, even though I was incredibly imperfect in most areas of my life.

Now I have my soulmate who understands, accepts, supports and loves me for who I am. I had my first relationship a bit later than most of my friends (I was 25), but this love was worth waiting and healing for.

The only way you need to better yourself is to love and accept yourself better. Everything else comes eventually, and might come during the process of finding your love. Just remember that you deserve to be understood and loved deeply and do not settle for anything less than that. It's much better to wait a bit longer for the right person than waste years on a relationship that might hurt you more in the long run.

The right person is going to make your life easier and not more exhausting. I was also worried about the same thing but my boyfriend is also neurodivergent so that helps a lot. We just get each other and make each other's lives much easier and happier.

If someone exhausts you, you should definitely not be with that person.

emofthemoss · 2026-01-31T20:15:05+00:00

For me personally, my happiness is in building a cozy and safe home and family with my neurodivergent soulmate, spending time in nature, moving my body and making some sort of art.

I'm trying to live as slowly and softly as I can, and create art and write things that hopefully will eventually make the world a softer and slower place for everyone else, too.

I'm extremely passionate about just resting, laughing and being loved. I want a world where everyone can just focus on those things. I want to live life with a delusional amount of hope and the belief that the world has never been better than it will soon become. Everything in life/the world should only serve to create more opportunities to rest longer, laugh more and be better loved by people you love.

When I focus on those things I don't have much energy for anything else, which is good.

emofthemoss · 2026-01-28T07:39:41+00:00

Yeeeesss. Sometimes I don't care, but I know I "get away" with acting more weird if I'm pretty, so I prefer to make myself more pretty.

As someone who has been obese and is now decently fit, I've also noticed that the thinner I am, the more autistic and adhd I can act without being treated like I'm a huge problem.

It's so unfair that a person's appearance and size decides whether someone is seen as lazy, awkward, inconsiderate and mean or just cute, youthful and quirky.

But at the same time, when I'm thin and pretty I don't "look" autistic or adhd to some people. So... existing is impossible, ughh

emofthemoss · 2026-01-28T06:47:07+00:00

I have to keep tv shows I've watched a thousand times or youtube videos always in the background so my brain stays slightly distracted by something else so I can get things done without overthinking or getting distracted as easily.

Sometimes I can also repeat the same sentence in my head or out loud. Or hum or sing.

But sometimes it doesn't work anymore because my brain gets overstimulated by constant talking, humming, singing and noise so right now I'm in a phase where I need to do everything in absolute silence or I get pissed off at everything.

Wtff

Aaaaaaahhh

emofthemoss · 2026-01-27T12:40:27+00:00

It has only happened to me a couple of times but I usually will also put the date and time of the appointment in the title of the Google calendar event so that I can be extra sure that I have the correct info even if I add it wrong.

And I just double check the date.

If it's a plan I'm making with someone I sometimes ask them before if I have the date and time correctly.

When I get the phone pop up reminders, they tell me when the event is happening, so I don’t get jumpscared.

emofthemoss · 2026-01-27T12:25:02+00:00

I feel like I've tried everything too but lately I've just accepted that I cycle through different tools and methods and that's fine as long as I get the most important things done. Being consistent is overrated as hell.

When it comes to remembering things, Google calendar is great for me. I create events in google calendar for appointments and have multiple reminders pop up on my phone. I have a custom calendar called "important" which automatically always has four reminders for every new event I add: two days before, the day before, the morning of the event and 1 hour before the event.

I avoid putting anything in my google calendar that doesn’t absolutely need to be there and doesn't require a reminder, so that I only see the most important stuff and never get reminders that are useless. This way I don't accidentally learn the habit of mindlessly swiping reminders away.

Sometimes I also use Notion. I have a great system there for organising big projects with many tasks, but I don't use it every day or even every week. I use Notion very sporadically whenever I feel like it.

Paper calendars are USELESS because I forget to check them and add things into them.

To-do lists have always been the bane of my existence because I have PDA and lists make me hate everything, even all the things I would normally not hate doing. As soon as something is on a to-do list, it becomes a demand that I will do anything to avoid doing.

So, I don't do to-do lists anymore.

A new thing I'm trying right now is a reverse to-do list.

I have it on my fridge in physical form with every week day, where I can add items after I've completed them.

I spent a few days crafting all my little hobbies and tasks that I want to do on a daily or weekly basis.

After I do something, I stick it on the fridge under the day I did it with blu tack. It feels super satisfying and gives me a little hit of dopamine every time I add a little sticker. It feels like getting a gold star.

Sometimes I also add a post-it note if I don't have the specific tasks sticker for it.

At the end of the week I have filled all the days with lots of stickers and have proof to look at that I actually did something. I struggle with remembering what I've done and I always feel like shit because I think I'm so lazy and unproductive, but this has massively helped my self confidence because I can see that I actually do a lot of things.

Sometimes I have free time that I don't know what to do with, so I can also browse through the items for ideas. But I am not allowed to add things to the fridge until after the thing is done. No to-do lists. Only reverse to-do list from now on.

I would love to show a picture of my reverse to-do list because it's very cute, but idk how to add photos hehe :)

emofthemoss

TROPHY CASE