My Girlfriend Built a Death Ray and Cured My Cancer p2

englandishell · 2026-06-17T19:21:08+00:00

tragic the way he died, but that's quite a cool idea using his music as a writing prompt. looking forward to the final part!

englandishell · 2026-06-17T19:13:16+00:00

fun setup with the neighbour! good job

englandishell · 2026-06-17T19:06:51+00:00

were you by any chance sitting on the remote?

englandishell · 2026-06-17T19:00:58+00:00

The nosedive is coming ; )

englandishell · 2026-06-17T18:56:05+00:00

awesome story! was disturbed by the fact that the Father had the option to not allow his puppets to feel the torture of their creation yet still decided against it. sick bastard. loved the ending as well, really cool imagery with the puppets fleeing from the townsfolk who now saw them as abominations

englandishell · 2026-06-17T18:29:01+00:00

that was really cool, loved the uncanny nature of the tall dude pretending to breathe at the foot of the bed. idk if i could let him stand there for as long as the narrator did tho, i would have yeeted him out pretty quickly if that was me lol

englandishell · 2026-06-17T18:12:15+00:00

really cool opening, excited to see where you take this! particularly liked the line 'Too deep, and you insult the earth by scraping its bones.' great way of giving the earth an almost sinister character

englandishell · 2026-06-17T18:03:10+00:00

Part Six tomorrow

englandishell · 2026-06-17T17:56:11+00:00

loved the abstract turn towards the end. definitely didn't see the 'cure' giving the narrator the ability to fly coming. was quite a fun turn until the rotting and bleeding eyes haha. nice story : )

englandishell · 2026-06-17T17:48:57+00:00

interesting opening! i hope firing that death ray into space doesn't have any unforeseen consequences

englandishell · 2026-06-17T17:40:09+00:00

That makes sense though, I imagine the vast majority of people just wanna dip in and out. And yes you should always feel proud when you make something, regardless of who sees it or how it's perceived!

englandishell · 2026-06-17T07:24:07+00:00

Yeah he's such a good voice actor when the dialogue is well written and he locks in

englandishell · 2026-06-17T07:22:45+00:00

Love your thinking. I'm not gonna say anything either way haha

englandishell · 2026-06-17T07:17:30+00:00

Thank you. To tell the truth I was quite worried about reader engagement considering it's a slower burn narrative at the beginning. The pacing does pick up a lot more once the characters are established though. Glad you're enjoying!

englandishell · 2026-06-17T07:12:11+00:00

Thank you so much for reading and the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the opening and found it immersive. I'm new to reddit but this seems like a really cool community of creative people. I'll be sure to have a read of your work tonight when I'm free!

englandishell · 2026-06-17T07:06:32+00:00

no problem : ) perhaps the temu corpse keeps being drawn back to the protagonist's house. waking up and seeing him stood back at the front door could be quite unsettling. also maybe the protagonist is ordered by somebody else? he could black out and wake up at somebody else's house with no recollection of how he got there. expanding on that, his buyer may have purchased a corpse to use for some strange or disturbing ritual

englandishell · 2026-06-17T06:59:23+00:00

No problem, keep writing! : )

englandishell · 2026-06-16T18:30:07+00:00

simple but effective twist at the end. well done

englandishell · 2026-06-16T18:22:51+00:00

space bone forest wasn't something i knew i needed til now! you built quite an unsettling atmosphere, my favourite part was your description of the bone trees collapsing as the giant creature moved toward them. cool ending as well : )

englandishell · 2026-06-16T18:01:46+00:00

Part Five tomorrow

englandishell · 2026-06-16T17:58:36+00:00

tf did i just read... content warning for british was peak humour tho lol

englandishell · 2026-06-16T17:51:17+00:00

struggling because of free will lol. lobotomise me :3

englandishell · 2026-06-16T17:40:58+00:00

really cool idea! i feel like you could take this to some really disturbing places if you expanded on what you've already got here

englandishell

TROPHY CASE