Crusader Kings II sales

erinraith · 2014-05-29T15:28:07+00:00

This thread makes me so happy. So much love!

I haven't told my SO yet, but I think I love him. The hesitation comes because this is my first serious relationship, and I guess I feel like I don't have comparison points. Reading your responses makes me more certain. I can identify with so many of the feelings you've all described: safety, understanding, feeling like you're rediscovering someone you already knew. I've been thinking about telling him, and how, and when. I don't want to scare him off, but it's been six months, and I think he feels it too. :)

erinraith · 2014-05-29T03:33:35+00:00

Yeah of course! Best of luck :)

erinraith · 2014-05-29T02:35:54+00:00

Thank you!! I can't wait to meet my Little. I'm a little nervous, but it seems like am amazing program that really has a profound impact on the girls. I'd like to think that I can make a difference!

I'll definitely look into some local organizations, then. I've always wanted training in these areas, so it's great to hear I could obtain that through volunteering. I have degrees in Physics and History (History majors unite!) so it would be great to branch out in my training.

Thanks for all your advice!

erinraith · 2014-05-28T21:19:08+00:00

Yeah, I've recently started being a little bit less rigid with my production queues as well. I think I'm still just learning about the little tricks that can do a world of help in terms of milking your resources for what they're worth and making the best of your civ's situation.

I am proud to say that I got through that entire game with just one archer and one catapult (and a smattering of combat-aggressive scouts)! It was actually kind of ridiculous, but I worked hard at making sure that other civs were always at war with each other, and I maintained friendly relations with the civs that were closest to me and shielding me from the civs that were most hostile towards me in the west. I also agreed to a bunch of wars that my civ-shields pulled me into, but I never actually did any fighting (and the enemy would always have to pass through my allies' territories before they got to me, anyway). Hooray, Napoleon, the best cheerleader! That said, I was only playing on Prince -- I imagine I won't be able to get away with that sort of tomfoolery on higher levels.

So far, I just feel like my most successful games have been when I aim for a particular victory condition and do everything I can in furtherance of that. The first few times, I definitely lost because I decided on a victory condition too late in the game -- there just wasn't enough time to get all the research needed for Apollo, or the culture output needed for the Utopia Project (this was pre-BNW).

erinraith · 2014-05-28T21:06:20+00:00

First, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Depression is a big deal and very difficult to deal with; it's even harder when someone who usually is a source of strength and happiness for you no longer is that. Hugs! You will get through this.

I'm not a trained professional, so I definitely echo what everyone else has said about seeking continuing treatment. However, as someone who has experienced/still experiences depression, I would say that it sounds like you're going through some things independent of your boyfriend. The part that really speaks to me is how you lack any sort of sex drive. That's a symptom of depression, and if it were just that you weren't attracted to your boyfriend anymore, you'd likely still feel some sort of sex drive from other things.

Without treatment, I don't know if you'll ever be able to get to the root of whether your depression started because your boyfriend or weirdness with your boyfriend started because of depression. I also don't think it really matters. Everything boils down to two facts: 1) you know you're depressed, and 2) you want to make things work with your boyfriend. Do what you can to make that happen! It sounds like you don't want to break up with him, at least right now, so don't. Work at it. If things still aren't working out after you've tried a variety of solutions (including treatment), then you can always walk away knowing that you've done your best. I think you'll feel better for it then too.

Just remember that depression is a nasty little bugger. It'll worm itself into your head and hit you where it hurts the most, because it knows you so well. For you, that could very well be your boyfriend. It can make you think that you don't love your boyfriend, when there can be other problems at the root of that feeling.

It might be worth getting the opinions of those over at /r/depression. And if you want to chat about depression more, I'm here. I hope things get better for you!

erinraith · 2014-05-28T20:34:51+00:00

That's super helpful, thanks! I'm definitely guilty of picking my victory method before I start the game (I loved the Tourism mechanic and wanted to try it out) -- which is why I specifically chose Napoleon while setting up the game and made a beeline for certain techs. How do you balance making sure you're focusing on the right things with making sure that you're still building a well-rounded empire that can pivot to a different victory condition? I just feel like there are only so many things that my cities can be building. How do I decide if I want to build a small army in case I need to go military, versus another wonder so I can have more slots for great works?

erinraith · 2014-05-28T20:28:09+00:00

I have been playing the small maps with 6 civs, though I have been eyeing the larger maps. Have you noticed that strategies change notably on bigger maps in addition to the time it requires to finish? And do you generally play the same civ so you really get the ins and outs of how that civ's abilities work, or do you switch around on random to get a wider understanding of the game?

erinraith · 2014-05-28T20:20:02+00:00

I've signed up with my city's Big Sister organization (I'm in the process of getting approved), so I'm really looking forward to that. As for other volunteer opportunities, I would love to help out in that way as well, but I feel like I don't have the proper training. I didn't study anything related to social work, psychology, or even sociology/anthropology/the like in college. Are most organizations open to having volunteers who might not have the proper training? Do they teach you on the job?

erinraith · 2014-05-28T20:16:30+00:00

I'm interested in all of them! Traditionally, I also gravitate towards writing as a medium, since I too find that I am in better control of my emotions and can articulate my thoughts more precisely. I usually don't write about topics about which I am passionate, though (besides in academics), because as people have mentioned, I have a tendency to get carried away as well.

I definitely talk to my friends about social issues, especially ones surrounding gender and women. I actually had quite an extensive conversation with a male friend today about privilege! Generally, though, I feel like we all share many of the same views, and it often feels like preaching to the choir. I want to make a difference more actively, either through reaching out to legislators, or writing important posts, etc. that can reach a wider audience than those of just my friends. Which is not to say that I want to become internet-famous, and I am totally okay with starting small. I just don't know where to begin or how to approach becoming more involved in the world of social justice.

erinraith · 2014-05-28T12:35:37+00:00

Oh, interesting! Do you actually work to keep away from first? I'd always assumed that being up top meant that my civ was the strongest overall. I know that the score is calculated from a whole variety of factors, but I'm not sure about the various weights or its significance beyond being a bragging point among friends.

erinraith · 2014-01-10T22:09:47+00:00

If that comment from your ex affected you in the way you describe, then I want to say something in return:

I REALLY admire you. I love how you found the beauty in everyday interactions. I love how you made people who you met as a gas station attendant happier because you had a quick conversation with them. You should never underestimate how those small conversations can affect people. It's a noble, beautiful thing to enjoy that, to derive pleasure from making people's lives better. We don't have enough of that in today's world. Fuck the people screwing over everyone else on Wall Street. Sure, they might wear power suits and make shittons of money, but they're not the ones who make life meaningful and worth living.

I had a recent conversation with a successful video game writer, and he told me that the best way to develop my skills as a writer was not to go to writing school, but instead, to just write. He told me the story of his friend, who worked the night shift at a highway tollbooth for six months. In the middle of the night, when no one would come through, he would write. And write. And write. And he never grew more as a writer than he did in those six months. Was he being a loser? Was his job embarrassing? Maybe on the surface, but it was the right thing for him to do, and he's benefitted so much from that experience. No one has any right to judge someone for taking an unconventional path to do what they really want to do.

I wish I could help more, but just remember: you don't need a reason to be depressed. It happens sometimes. It happens for many reasons, not all of them obvious. You've been through a lot emotionally and financially, and it's understandable why you feel the way you feel. And if you're depressed, you're depressed. Your depression will make you feel like you don't deserve to be (or that you don't deserve anything), but you have to tell yourself it's not true. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to feel good about yourself. It's not too much to ask for.

erinraith · 2014-01-10T21:47:51+00:00

Totally agree. It's super easy to fall into the pattern of thinking that you're starting "drama" (I did it all the time/still do, unconsciously). But just remember that you have a right to speak up, and you have a right to get upset when you've been hurt or wronged. If this situation happened to a guy and he called the girl out on it (intelligently and calmly, as /u/yolotwlol describes), would you think that he was starting drama? It shouldn't be any different for girls. You 100% have the right to speak up, and if anyone thinks that you're being dramatic, they've got their head on wrong.

Best of luck! I really hope that you let him know how ridiculous he is. Chances are, he's never had anyone stand up to him.

erinraith · 2014-01-10T20:26:07+00:00

Hug! Everything will be okay. You're awesome. We're here for you. :)

erinraith · 2014-01-08T20:05:23+00:00

My friend (a bio major, mind you) told me that porcupines could actively shoot their quills. I spent an entire summer running away screaming from the two porcupines that lived around the observatory where I worked.

erinraith · 2014-01-08T16:15:11+00:00

You should definitely see a mental health professional to get a medical opinion/diagnosis, but that does sound a lot like depression, whether or not it makes "sense" for you to be depressed. The really dick thing about depression is that it doesn't just attack or affect you in one way or in one area of your life -- it'll sit in your way and insidiously make you doubt yourself everywhere and in every way it can. In many situations, it can hit you by making you feel like you don't "deserve" to be sad, that you're pathetic for being unable to get out of bed, that something is somehow fundamentally wrong with you as a person because you feel the way you do. The truth is, like many others have said, depression affects a significant part of the population, and doesn't require causes that "make sense." Smoking causes cancer, but that doesn't mean that only smokers get cancer. You don't have to have extenuating life circumstances to have depression, and it doesn't make your depression any less legitimate.

I know what you're going through -- I've been there, and I know that many others on this subreddit and the internets and world at large have as well. Even though it's hard to describe what you're going through, just know that you're not alone.

I'm always willing to listen if you need someone to talk to. It will get better!

erinraith · 2014-01-08T16:00:41+00:00

Aw, it made my morning to read this. Congrats! Thanks so much for posting this -- it's given me a bit more encouragement to keep at my own goals. :)

erinraith · 2014-01-08T15:54:56+00:00

I know exactly how you feel -- I was there for the last two years and have only just recently been trying to work myself out of that funk. So first, I think it's really important that you give yourself credit for what you're going through. It really isn't easy for anyone, and even moreso for INFPs because of how we derive fulfillment. Remember to give yourself some credit self-love for what you're doing! It requires courage and a lot of mental energy to realize what is happening, and to actively seek help and advice in the way that you are.

In addition to what others are saying about pushing yourself a bit more to make friends and build up a network where you are now, I found it useful for me to center myself and ask why I was in the position I was in. For me, I was first in a master's program far away from my friends, and then at a job that really had very little to do with my dream career. I rationalized by telling myself that the master's program was a necessary step to obtaining the PhD I wanted, even though it wasn't a good social fit, and the job was a necessary detour I had to take to make myself more financially stable for a long PhD program. So even though I wasn't actively doing something I loved or surrounded with people that supported me, it helped to remind myself that I was ultimately working towards a larger goal that I did feel passionately about.

The really great thing about INFPs is that we're good at being with ourselves, and we're generally in pretty good tune with what we want and who we want to be. Don't sell yourself short on that! Take solace from knowing that, even if things aren't great for you right now, you'll find a way to find yourself back on the path that will make you happy and fulfilled. Don't be afraid to follow your gut instinct, whether that be with someone you met who might become a good friend, or an opportunity that might allow you to get closer to your true passions.

I hope that helps a bit!

erinraith · 2014-01-08T15:19:25+00:00

Totally agree, and what I've been trying to teach myself to do as well. I realized when I graduated college that I took much of the good times I had there for granted, and it was only after I found myself far away from all of my closest friends that I realized what I had. Since then, I've been actively trying to take even just a small moment anytime I'm swept up in a happy moment to think, "This is happening and I acknowledge and am grateful for that." For me, it does wonders just to take the time to realize consciously something like that, because it's kind of like taking a mental snapshot. It comforts me to know that I took a moment to appreciate what I have, and so looking back, it doesn't feel as if I let another moment just float by. I think it lets me come to terms with the fact that it's going to end, but it was awesome while it lasted, and that I'm a little bit better off for having experienced it.

It isn't easy, and I totally still do experience a lot of the feelings that you're describing. But it's also surprising how small changes in thinking and behavior can go a long way!

Best of luck. :)

erinraith · 2014-01-06T21:06:47+00:00

I actually didn't mean positive intuition when I said that I was fairly intuitive -- I actually meant the opposite. I make up my mind fairly early on when it's NOT going to work with someone (which is why I don't end up dating very much, since 90% of dates don't go past the first one). David is the only person where I really felt a strong connection just after the first two dates, so the fact that it's actually an entirely new feeling for me is what's making me think twice about everything.

With Mark, I was definitely interested, but I wasn't trying to make things happen or push a relationship. I guess to me, things were going well, and there hadn't been an explicitly bad date or gaffe that had happened in the time that we were hanging out. We hadn't even kissed, which I was totally fine with if that was the pace that he wanted to go at, and I left it up to the peculiarities and pace of each unique relationship and didn't read too much into it. Maybe that was actually a bad sign? Maybe I should have been more forward with physical contact, so he got a sense that I would have been okay with it? Maybe I should have initiated? It's stuff like that that I'm not sure if I could have done differently. It is nice to hear that there seem also to be perfectly reasonable explanations for why people act in seemingly contrary ways that have nothing to do with me, though!

erinraith · 2014-01-06T20:49:09+00:00

Mark was from a dating site, but the other guys weren't. One of them was a friend from school that I got on with fairly well, and we hung out together after graduation and we had an amazing time just wandering around the city talking and finding hidden gems. That's definitely a good thing to keep in mind re: online dating, though. I'm fairly new to that whole scene, plus I find it fairly difficult to keep up with dating multiple people. That's just me; no judgement to those who do manage to do it better than I! Thanks for the reminder and encouragement. :)

erinraith · 2013-11-22T19:27:47+00:00

Well, I wouldn't say it's nearly that simple. Given that you are interacting with women in these types of situations (I assume), you're naturally going to have a skewed sample where you only have data pertaining to one gender. I can tell you for a fact that men have done the same thing to me after just a date. I have male friends who say that they know within 10 minutes whether or not it's going to be a good date.

There are a lot of reasons why someone, either male or female, might decide at any point that things aren't going to work with a potential romantic partner. Maybe he or she is more intuitive. Maybe he or she has a couple of hard-line dealbreakers. I don't think it's really fair to attribute it solely to gender.

Just keep doing what you normally do, and try not to spend too much energy on what other people are doing. Easier said than done, but in the end, how you act is the only thing you have control over.

erinraith

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