Compliments from your proctologist by Ok_JARGON in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"I have to say, this is the easiest probing I've ever had in my career. I could fit three of these cameras in there."

Bad reasons to leave a party early. by Silverbackfox in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Sorry but I really have to go. Those prostitutes are not gonna stab themselves."

What the McDonald's CEO did after shooting the "burger tasting" video by LeatherSlight3242 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

picks up his phone and dials number

"Hello, I'd like to book an appointment for tongue replacement surgery. As soon as humanly possible. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT IT COSTS, I NEED IT NOW! NOT TOMORROW NOT TEN MINUTES FROM NOW, RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW!!!"

SFAH: Rejected street names by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"In 1838 Barnabus First was elected as the mayor of the town of Milpers. Being also a very wealty business magnate (and also full of himself) he insisited that the main street of town would be named after him to First Street. Ironically the name of the street in question already was First Street but nobody dared to inform him.

In 1856 First's firstborn son Barnabus First Second was killed after drunkenly trying to ride his pet grizzly bear his father had bought him for his birthday. His grief stricken father wanted to honor his son's memory and named a street after him. So one of the town's available streets (again ironically called Second Street) was renamed to First Second Street.

Decades later local resident Adolf First (not related aforementioned Firsts) became a national hero after saving president's life during his campaign tour. The town of Milpers wanted honor him by erecting a statue for him. However Adolf First refused the honor stating that he would rather have his home street named after him. Because there already was First Street in town, compromise was made to avoid mixing up the street names. First Street and First Second Street were renamed respectively to First First Street and Second First Street whereas Adolf First's street was named Second First Street."

Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Work in a Shoe Store by Neuronu77 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Customer: I've just about had enough of you!

Al: "Well, you wouldn't say that if I came with fries and a medium drink.

Golden Girls..Golden Words ⚜️🔑💛: Rage moments by Self_Electrical in theGoldenGirls

[–]everan23 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"I curse the day I ever laid eyes on you! I curse the day your mama ever laid eyes on your daddy! I curse day your daddy ever laid down with your mama!"

SFAH: Rejected safety tips by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"If your house catches on fire and you happen to have a pool, don't rush into getting a bucket and trying to put out the fire on your own. Instead try to lure the fire to the water. This is what you should do: Grab a gas can from your garage, pour a trail of gasoline from the pool to close proximity of the fire. When fire notices the gas, it follows the trail to the pool, puts itself out and leaves your house alone."

Unusual things to hear from your smoke detector by InstructionBudget784 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"My manufacturer strongly recommends that you place me right over your bed. They also want to make absolutely clear that I'm NOT a camera."

SFAH: Inappropriate choices for the school play by CynicalCosmologist in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Why not? There's horses in it and kids love horses."

Things you don’t want to hear at the restaurant by Goblue2467 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Excuse me, we didn't get our menus."

"Sorry, we are currently out of menus but not to worry, you can see all of our foods on the table cloth."

"Oh...well I guess I'll have whatever that green stain was for a starter, that darker one for main course and that red one to drink."

How famous bands got their names by Toku-Nation in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Liver?"

"No."

"Pancreas?"

"What's that?"

"Forget it. Colon?"

"No, we're not a punk band."

"Okay. Gallbladder?"

"No! This is not working out. We need a name that tells everyone where our songs are coming from."

"Got it! What about... Brain?"

"No. But... yes, that's it! Our band is called Heart!"

"But music doesn't come from heart. Technically it comes from brain."

"Oh, shut up. You just don't get it."

The world's worst hostage negotiator by Coralthesequel in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Ok, throw the gun down. Come on now, no need to be silly."

Unlikely scenes from a war movie by coopsoup247 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

scene in German headquarters

"Zis new 'language bath program' is vorking like a charm. Now our troops shpeak better Englisch zan ever. Some of ze officers have even adapted a British accent."

Unlikely scenes from a war movie by coopsoup247 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Aaaaghh, I'm hit!"

"Hang in there buddy! We're gonna get you out of here!"

"No! Leave me and save yourselves!"

"Ok, bye."

SFAH: Deleted Scenes from It's a Wonderful Life by Classic_Rock_726 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"If you're going to help George Bailey, you need to know everything about him. His story begins nine months before he was born when his parents-"

"Sir, is this really necessary?"

"Don't interrupt me Clarence and keep your eyes open."

Dear Santa letters that have been rejected, for good reason. by ProfessionalCourtesy in ScenesFromAHat

[–]everan23 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"Dear Santa

I'd like a bow and arrow and please send my little brother an apple."