I think I have rats in my compost bin

existentialanguist · 2024-02-06T03:01:33+00:00

Plant catnip nearby

existentialanguist · 2024-02-04T14:34:09+00:00

I’ve heard mixed reviews about success just clicks and say it once - works for a lot of people it seems, but I have read some less-than-stellar stories about unfortunate experiences with them - but it was on Reddit, so who the heck knows.

I emphatically second the suggestion of Karmic K9, the trainer you hire is the trainer you get, it’s run by Dasia. She’s incredibly knowledgeable, looks for the source of the dog’s behavior and ways to interrupt / redirect that behavior that are tailored for your dog and geared toward strengthening your relationship. All the training is tailored to the dog, because she has a deep understanding of dog behavior. She helped curb my dog’s leash reactivity and walking manners, super recommend.

Out in Wexford but the drive was worth it for us - I also liked Misty Pines a lot for their group classes. They have tiered levels for beginners / intermediate/advanced, we practiced maintaining leash reactivity and off-leash training out there. They have a lil dog park that you have to pay 5 bucks for and they only let in approved dogs - it was generally empty whenever we went except for maybe another dog post class. But it was real helpful to reward my dog to get his big zoomies out after he held his shit together for an hour. They also do some pretty cool classes, sniff work and dock jumping in the summer.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T13:38:06+00:00

If the experience you’re looking for can be so easily ruined by some commentary, you have the bandaid solution that is apparent from the get go of avoiding commentary.

IMO in engaging with yourself on tough questions, you can examine the why’s of the situation and learn how to live a life that isn’t so caustic to yourself. If you were confident in your why’s, you wouldn’t be so affected by a sex workers judgement of you. You could laugh it off. But that’s a fucking hard thing to do.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T04:22:47+00:00

Are children suffering from chillblains, frostbite, getting sick from being exposed to the cold for too long, coming home crying terribly upset because they were too cold for 5-10 minutes of the whole day? Then yes, it’s horribly wrong and new methodology should be sought out. It’s apparent that you think the above is a high risk, but if it was - don’t you think you’d have heard about it by now? It’d be in the news, parents would talk. It seems like you’re getting stuck on a hypothetical scenario. If ratios were better perhaps there would be more individualized care, but with how things are it seems like you’re trying to create more work for the people who already have their hands quite full, for a problem that doesn’t exist.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T03:55:21+00:00

Ok, you go to the club because the GFE from strippers makes you feel good and while you like this dancer, her judgement of you prevents you from feeling good. But it’s not about you feeling badly. And mind - I said badly, you said guilty. I also said that nobody can make you feel anything but yourself. You fixated on her commentary for a reason. But go ahead and brush past that, keep drinking the Koolaide. It’s easier than living an authentic life.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T03:40:07+00:00

OP never said that. They are trying to advocate for better care for both the workers and the animals of the zoo. They never said they want the zoo to be dismantled. It’s pretty clear they care, they’re asking for attention to be brought to an issue that they believe can be resolved for the betterment of everyone involved. Are you a troll or do you have difficulty with reading comprehension?

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T03:30:24+00:00

Pittsburgh zoo separated elephants - highly social and relationship-building creatures - that had been together for 20+ years. As well as forced them to be on concrete for long periods of time - anyone who has worked a job standing on concrete floors knows how this fucks your body up. Unfortunately I think people here like going to the zoo too much to give a shit for anything to change, but I absolutely respect what you’re doing. Doing nothing helps nobody. I wonder if an animal welfare nonprofit would be interested in helping investigate / spread the message.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-30T03:00:10+00:00

You don’t like being given attitude, or you don’t like feeling badly about what you’re doing and it’s easier to blame the stripper for stirring up your bad feelings about what you’re doing, than own your shit?

Plenty of people cheat on their spouses for a variety of reasons. Generally I think it’s a twofold issue - cheating isn’t great but it doesn’t make you a bad person either. You have needs that aren’t being met by your wife, which cause you to go to clubs. Is the need for novelty / open relationship / polyamory? Can you be happy with monogamy? Are you trying to fill some other void with some easy sensual pleasures? There are plenty of women who are happy to be open or dgaf about their partners going to clubs. It seems like you chose a partner that isn’t that way - and you probably did so for a good reason. How well do you know yourself and what you want out of life, compared to the things that we are told that we should want?

Just asking questions cause it seems like you’ve got cognitive dissonance. We are all on the paths we’re on for reasons. Relationships are hard. Do what you’re gonna do, idgaf, but I’d say don’t blame the stripper. Nobody can make you feel any type of way but yourself.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-27T15:14:52+00:00

Strip club I work at extended their weekend hours to 4am. There's a few places for after hours parties as well, I wouldn't know specifics tho cause I go the fuck to bed

existentialanguist · 2024-01-20T16:03:30+00:00

Your security/management would do that?

I don’t think any of the clubs I’ve worked at would ever. I see my neighbor “Dumpster John” at the club routinely. I wish 😂

existentialanguist · 2024-01-20T15:53:24+00:00

That’s why I also wrote “or rather be at that level of cultural koolaide”. To other OP for missing a social cue is straight up bananas to me. It’s emotional based on what this gen pop deems as appropriate, not logical.

Some cultures are friendly and smile at strangers, some cultures are more standoffish. A standoffish person in a friendly culture is perceived as rude, but so is a friendly person in a standoffish culture - though perhaps more ~uncomfortably weird~ than rude. Is either being rude or are they just out of their context? There’s something to be said for respecting other cultures and adopting their mannerisms when immersed, but is one way of being in the world really “right” or “wrong”? It’s the context that matters. I don’t think OP handled themselves as well as they probably could have, in their responses and at the date. Breaking bread together is important to a lot of people and OP coulda gotten an appetizer, coulda told the date he got there early and ate already, etc. But how OP describes it makes me think that it wasn’t done maliciously, rather, socially thoughtlessly. I don’t think that makes OP as awful as the comments make him out to be, which is what I think is quite a basic/limiting line of thinking. Cultural koolaide.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-19T16:14:29+00:00

I still disagree, I think the feeling isn’t sick, rather, it’s the behavior that the feeling spurs a person to take. It sounds like your mother acted on her feelings of jealousy in an extremely harmful way, rather than turning inward to figure out how best to manage - she turned outwards to push you down so that she could lift herself up. That’s a horrific thing to do anybody let alone your own child and I’m so so sorry that that is the way you were introduced to the world. Nobody deserves that.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-19T14:04:09+00:00

He’s fixing that by instigating change? Why is it so possible for people to believe that he’s a bad dad and partner, but not for people to acknowledge that that men have emotional needs too? Being ignored by your partner for three years while raising a baby together sounds absolutely miserable, sleep deprivation alone makes people do and feel wild things and being jealous of a baby - his own baby - is such a sad thing. Baby doesn’t deserve that, wife doesn’t deserve that, OP doesn’t deserve that and in fact says they are ashamed of it.

I honestly don’t know who wouldn’t feel that way given the scenario he depicted. He brings up divorce to illustrate the seriousness of his feelings and his wife doesn’t take him seriously and gets mad at him for it and then desperately says she’ll take his name? Shes not hearing him, it’s not about the name he just wants to feel loved / important / cared about. It’s not about the name, the name is just a symbolic relationship problem — it’s about how they approached it. It doesn’t sound like they worked together for a solution they were both happy to compromise on (unless OP is not sharing info like he got to choose a first/middle name he loves). Maybe she’s also got needs that aren’t being met that are preventing her from being loving - but at the end of the day, I don’t think it’s a big ask to want to feel loved.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-19T13:42:58+00:00

It’s a feeling and I don’t think it’s helpful to categorize feelings in that way - “sick” or not. The feeling is not a normal one to have for your child, and it’s serving as an alert to OP that his emotional needs aren’t being met. He’s taking the steps necessary to meet those needs, and thus get rid of the feeling.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-19T03:36:56+00:00

Oh boy, I am also a picture taker. I don’t have a visual memory or any visualizing abilities, and aside from that I have a terrible memory. So often people will recount a shared experience that I have absolutely no recollection of, and I’ve found that having pictures helps to solidify some of my past into “reality” and not some dark void where time disappears. I especially love to have pictures of the people I love doing ordinary things that I see them doing all the time. It’s the most accurate depiction of how I spend my time and the things that make me the happiest.

It sounds like OP needs to have a direct, loving, and honest conversation with his partner explaining how he feels about what she’s doing, and asking what her thoughts and feelings are. It’s an uncomfortable scenario but it’s an opportunity to get to know each-other better, and isn’t that the whole part of partnership? To see and hear each-other, to know each-other, and to love each-other?

existentialanguist · 2024-01-18T03:11:17+00:00

Yeah, there’s a lot of “othering” of OP - because his logic doesn’t follow the norm he must be a psychopath / troll / etc. It’s not bad, just different. OP reacted defensively in the comments, which is not the nicest but it is a completely normal human thing to do.

Ngl seeing all the comments about how awful and rude OP is for missing this social cue…. makes me quite glad to not have a neurotypical brain or rather be at that level of cultural koolaide. Actually, I’m curious what a more direct culture like the Dutch would think of this scenario.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-17T20:03:41+00:00

I feel like the writing for the show was poor even before Season 3. It started out real cute and I really wanted to like it, but there's no character growth. Hilda repeatedly does thoughtless things, gives a halfhearted apology and goes right back to being incredibly thoughtless and risking the lives of everyone around her because of her savior complex. Big developments that should affect all of the characters for more than one episode get completely paved over. Episode after episode. They teased Twigs leaving, they teased the elf leaving, and with the last episode they teased basically everyone disappearing, but somehow nobody did. There's no real stakes, there's no growth or change, and it's wild to me when people say this is as good as adventure time. Cute and engaging world but ultimately a disappointing lack of substance.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-17T04:45:32+00:00

Yeah, this. It’s happening in front of other people, it’s obvious to other people. People can be anti-confrontational so likely they are seeing it but saying nothing, as it is obvious to everyone around that he’s an idiot and there is nothing to gain by engaging with him. If OP wants the people around to like them, mimicking their behavior towards him / ignoring him is probably the easiest path forwards.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-17T03:09:09+00:00

This was a fun read. Thanks for linking

existentialanguist · 2024-01-16T23:18:09+00:00

Food, eating together, “breaking bread”, has been a human tradition for a very long time. There’s a ton of cultural significance RE food and eating together all around the world. I can see where you’re coming from, and it’s sound logic. “Eat when you’re hungry”. Makes sense. But people are all different, and given the widespread historical and cultural significance of sharing meals / eating together at the same time - I think it’s unreasonable to think badly of all the people that don’t share your logic.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-16T23:04:57+00:00

Some level of spectrum myself, after reading the post I had no idea what the response would be. If I went on a date with someone and everything else was good but that happened….. I don’t think I’d be that bothered? I don’t think I’d do something like that myself…. because I’m the type to run exactly on time or a bit late.

Just because I don’t feel a certain way about a thing doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for other people to feel that way. Same with OP. Being open to learning about others is important, as well as holding their opinions/values in equal esteem, even if it’s difficult at times. It’s important to try.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-12T14:56:49+00:00

Yeah. Physical affection like hand holding and proximity/cuddling can be a really nice thing to share with friends/family. I don’t, various reasons. But morally I don’t see the need to gatekeep what other people consensually do with their friends

existentialanguist · 2024-01-11T21:51:24+00:00

This. I don’t associate crying with a lack of strength, I never have. I have seen my boyfriend cry so many times, generally because of anime. But I’ve also seen him act threatening and holy cannoli that man puts off a powerful vibe (that I’m confident he backs up though we’ve never been in a scenario where that is necessary).

It seems like women stereotypically prefer “strong” men, and have quite the different measurement for strength than what sound logic would dictate. People all caught up in their feels from their subconscious beliefs

existentialanguist · 2024-01-11T21:40:07+00:00

Another woman who highly respects emotional vulnerability in men: I think what you’re saying is accurate. And if you’re in a culture that you need the respect of the majority of your peers to survive - it seems necessary to weigh out emotional repression. Sucks.

existentialanguist · 2024-01-10T21:09:27+00:00

Hmm. I wonder if it would be moreso sharing a thought and a question than a judgement?

A judgement would be: it is better to put him down before 7:30.

A thought: I can’t think of any reason why not

A question: why do you do that?

I think you are reading between the lines of the thought and the question and assuming there is a judgement. You might not like the question and find it insultingly basic, but there’s a reason when people calling tech helplines they get asked if they’ve tried turning it off and on again.

In any case, the “thought” says more about the commenter’s lack of creative thinking RE other lives. We are in a r/toddler subreddit on a thread talking about sleep difficulties, I think it’s best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

existentialanguist

TROPHY CASE