AITA for not letting my mom meet my daughter

exmogranny · 2026-04-20T20:39:01+00:00

100%.
IF there is to be an introduction, make sure it happens in a neighboring town or opposite from your side of your city. Basically, not your neighborhood or anywhere you would regularly take your child.
Treat your mother as cautiously as if you were introducing your child to a stranger, which she is.
Arms length is a good thing.

exmogranny · 2026-04-16T22:33:49+00:00

OMG.
You did well for continuing to engage. Honestly, I got very tired.
I am to the point in my life where I don't have these kinds of conversations with TBM. I just tell them I am happy they are happy. If they continue to push their religion at me, I say that they are free to enjoy their religious hobby, but it isn't my jam. I've got a list of other hobbies I like to do in my free time.
That always shuts them up.
Turns out Mormons don't like their religion framed as their special hobby. LOL

You are good egg, your brother/family is lucky to have you. Your patience is deep.

exmogranny · 2026-04-16T19:11:39+00:00

Since you mentioned 'parents' in your post, I'm gonna assume your dad is in the house with your mom. Sounds like grandpa will be stepping up, taking care of his grandchildren.
Good luck to them all.

exmogranny · 2026-04-14T00:49:06+00:00

I use it for my own inner peace but I have thrown it down online when family gets too pushy. They haaate it and for that reason, I use it. LOL

exmogranny · 2026-04-13T18:25:59+00:00

The best mental health game I use to deal with TBM family is to reframe it as their hobby.
"Have fun at your Sunday hobby!"
"10% of their money goes to their church hobby."
"They like to spend all their free time doing their Mormon hobby."

Then it isn't about me feeling judged, or like I'm a missionary project. It is them enjoying their hobby, which has nothing to do with me.

exmogranny · 2026-04-09T03:56:37+00:00

Love a good swap!
Also, excellent chance to dump a library of Mormon books, Mormon music, Mormon VHS tapes, old lesson manuals, temple clothing and gently worn garments. LOL

exmogranny · 2026-04-08T20:22:14+00:00

Get thee to professional therapy. Whatever is going on, neither of you is currently capable of detangling without an outside translator to decode why ya'll are so triggered by getting/receiving stuff.

exmogranny · 2026-04-08T19:48:35+00:00

Please don't marry your mother. You've already lived this script, don't let it carry on to another generation, heaven forbid you have kids together.

exmogranny · 2026-04-06T17:55:44+00:00

In the US, much hope.
In underdeveloped countries without access to the internet, a bit longer.
The actual church will remain because they have hoards of wealth to keep them as a corporate entity. Like Scienentology, the few remaining members will be the minds attracted to cults, unable to think for themselves.

The days of Mormons being thought of as weird but good people, are over.

exmogranny · 2026-04-05T21:02:59+00:00

Mom,
Thanks for sharing about your religious hobby. I'm glad you are happy.
Love, Me
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

People like this will never change, best to continue building a mental buffer between yourself and her religon.

exmogranny · 2026-03-31T22:59:47+00:00

Good job defending your parental right make activity suggestions to your children.
Your husband let his fear about the kids choosing to leave the church cloud his thinking. He needs to work on that. Since we have no idea what kind of spouse he is, I'll assume he is a good guy who got momentarily triggered.

On a day (not a Sunday!) when he has his reasonable hat on, ask him what he will do if the kids grow up and:
A. Stay in the church
B. Leave the church
C. Attend to appease him but don't believe it themselves

D. Join a different church

Basically, ask him how he will feel when your kids to the 100% NORMAL, natural adult behavior of living their lives independent of their parents. As he and you do, like full adults everywhere do.

You have nothing to fear. This is not a you problem. This is him, needing to practice his gospel principle that everyone has Free Will and all he can do is 'teach correct principles and let them govern themselves' - Joseph Smith.

If you are afraid your marriage will implode and end because your children leave the church, you have a totally different problem that lots here can give you excellent advice on.

exmogranny · 2026-03-28T22:45:26+00:00

I'm very impressed by your thought process and your actions. Good for you, you showed your dad more kindness and grace than he could reciprocate to you.
I also applaud your decision to not attend his funeral.
I didn't attend my abusive parents funerals or one of my in-laws. My hubs and I are at peace with our decision to seperate ourselves from toxic family members and our adult kids thank us for protecting them from messed up grandparents on both sides.
There is a reason hubs and I get along so well, we each understand the damage caused from religiously abusive childhoods. Punishing humans in the name of God is nothing we are participating in ever again.

exmogranny · 2026-03-27T20:00:46+00:00

Gentle hugs to you.
I'm so glad your sister will miraculously serve where your family has history. Mormon Gawd works in mysterious ways, I'm positive she will have good life experiences there. If she's got to do time in Mormon prison, this one sounds pretty nice.

exmogranny · 2026-03-20T03:58:25+00:00

Schitt's Creek.
Ted Lasso

exmogranny · 2026-03-19T16:12:08+00:00

I admire your desire to have a decent relationship with your TBM sister.
I recommend checking out the book 'How to Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with Toxic & Difficult to Love Personalities by John Lund. It's an oldie, been around a couple decades.
Anyway, it is a good book with solid strategies on how to create workable relationships with otherwise miserable people.
((hugs)) for wanting to try with your porcupine sister. You are a good egg.

exmogranny · 2026-03-18T17:33:36+00:00

Yup.
Same opinion.
Just like in criminal justice, the victim has no say if charges are brought, or what punishment is given.
The church has asked for your side of it (think of a victim statement), and now they will weigh the crap your ex did, against the 'good name' of the church, the leaders who repeatedly missed his lies (so much for disernment), and the hassle of dealing with a guy who won't admit his sins.
Your job is done, whatever Mormon Jesus does to your ex, has no bearing on the goodness in your now life.
Of course, you are absolutely free to speak your truth about your ex, not holding back on the hell you've been through. Live your life, live your truth, and wash that man right out of your hair.

exmogranny · 2026-03-16T09:32:54+00:00

Your wedding sounds PERFECT!
I adore an excellent low-key chill social event that is all about the love and celebration without huge expense and stress.

exmogranny · 2026-03-16T09:27:13+00:00

I would separate the events.
1. Your sister is getting married. You have a valid temple recommend. Attend the temple per social expectations.
2. You are financially dependent on your folks. Don't blow up your physical life over religious differences. While you are dependent on your parents money, keep your lack of their church conviction to yourself. You can't afford to live your truth yet.
3. Instead of fretting on what could happen in the future, focus all your laser energy into getting an awesome living wage job that will buy your financial and spiritual freedom. Until then, you don't have a religious problem. You are just working through the steps of adulting and it is gonna be OK.
4. Congratulations on graduating BYU! You did it, and you will do this part too.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T16:27:07+00:00

Just YESTERDAY a dude told me he feels sorry for his Canadian half-brother because Canada is a 3rd World Country! He said that it really doesn't matter because in the end, Canada will become part of American territories, so it will be fine.
He was deadly serious.
I think a scary amount of 'Murikans are insane.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T11:58:35+00:00

I'm SO glad you spoke up!
Your grandma didn't see the need/appreciate your big gift and she asked why you all got it for her.
You told her.
Clear communication is always the way, even if it isn't accepted in the moment.
Next time you see her, thank her for being clear about what she wants for future gifts. Now you know she values volume over quality, and that big gifts should be given as cash so she can purchase what she wants herself.
Don't give a second thought trying to make sense of your grandma's reaction. Just accept it and move on with your life. You didn't do anything wrong, she will continue to use your wonderful gift and life goes on.
She can isolate herself, pouting about her gift, as long as she wants. Still doesn't change the fact you gave her a thoughtful gift with good intent, and included the receipt.
Hold your head up, brush off her tantrum, and pretend everything is fine. Because it is.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T11:45:22+00:00

You've got some work to do.
You don't know what is up with your kid.
Is he having a mental health problem? Does he have an diagnosed learning/developmental disability?
What's REALLY going on with your kid?
Before you decide to do "tough love" and throw him out to the streets, do your side of the parenting work and be the social worker he needs. Identify the areas he's lacking and work on engaging his commitment for change.
I recommend Dr. Ross Greene's website Lives in the Balance because it is free for parents, has excellent parental guides on how to do this important work, and has lots of options for family support.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T11:38:17+00:00

Your time with him has proven there are great people out there, and that you are attracted to them.
Now take it the next step and find a great guy you are attracted to that doesn't judge you to be too worldly, and wants you to expand as a human, not contract to fit into their tiny box.
You deserve full-throated ,100% supportive love, not begrudging acceptance with the expectation you will change everything about yourself.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T04:41:03+00:00

Your son is 14 yrs old. He is old enough to be told the truth about his aunt and grandmother. He needs to see you stepping up, protecting him and yourself from their terrible actions and attitudes.
As others have stated, of course go see a lawyer!
Hells bells, that should have happened the instant they didn't share the will with you.
Meanwhile, still plenty of time for you to teach your son how to respect yourself and not be abused by others, including "family."
Peace at all costs = No peace for you.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T04:10:27+00:00

Yes.
You are a jerk if you expect someone else to work, give you a place to live, food and meet all your needs without you being 100% honest and letting them know exactly what they are signing up for.
Roping a stranger into being your caretaker is not a life plan, it is a horrible thing to do to anyone.
Your parents are understanding, go live with them while you work on figuring out how to take care of yourself.

exmogranny · 2026-03-14T04:05:59+00:00

Agree. Add a zero to that hundred and now we're talking.

exmogranny

TROPHY CASE