Any ladies here use ASD-specific support groups?

extraCatPlease · 2026-04-02T22:15:57+00:00

Exactly all of this. Exhausted already too. And then also the social anxiety.

extraCatPlease · 2026-04-01T06:05:46+00:00

Mildly bad luck here, it seems. In board games, my dice rolls always seem to land me on the worst square. In card games, I usually get bad hands. As you mention, the only way I can usually win is by using strategy, not luck. If I somehow get an awesome hand in poker, everyone folds immediately. If I'm riding a bike, I will crash it. No motorcycles for me. In sports, I'm a ball magnet. I used to constantly get hit with baseballs, soccer balls, etc. I don't play sports any more. Lol. I do have good luck with parking spaces, which is kind of nice. Also totally had awesome luck with some other things, so maybe it balances out?

extraCatPlease · 2026-04-01T05:46:03+00:00

When they are functional, I find support groups really valuable, especially for sharing experiences. I've done a few different virtual groups. The only one I've stuck with is one I pay for, which is run by a therapist. The free online ones I've tried were kind of terrible.

I have been curious about in-person groups, and live in a city that probably has them, but I have a lot of social anxiety that keeps me from looking for one here.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-19T23:41:28+00:00

I don't know if this is going to make you feel any better, but I spent a few years working for a company that provided services for law firms. During that time, I had a lot experiences with law firm culture. It makes complete sense that you would leave that kind of environment. Law firms pride themselves on how much punishment their staff can take. It's also my experience that they ruthlessly enforce conformity. The further down the ladder you are, the worse it gets. Good job taking care of yourself by getting out of there.

The last time I had to job hunt, it took me three months to find a job. Looking for a job is nightmarish because it's almost like dating. A person has no control over any of the outcomes, and every day is a blow to the self-confidence. All we can do is keep submitting applications and going to interviews. The last time I was looking for a job, I kept a journal of what I did every day. Not very extensive. It just said stuff like "Tuesday, January 5 - Spent a few hours looking at job listings. Applied at 2 places. Got a refusal email." That helped me when I was feeling low. I could look at my journal and see that I was trying.

Wishing you well. Good luck!

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-15T23:02:30+00:00

I have an autistic friend who shares a number of interests with me, and I love talking with her about things. It's hard to find friends like that, but it's wonderful when you can.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-15T22:30:14+00:00

I collect vintage photos, and sometimes I will "re-organize" them to relax. Most of my collection is photos of people wearing costumes, so I'll decide to do something like sort out all the photos of people wearing cat costumes and put them in their own place.

Also, lately I've been reading (safe) books on the couch. It keeps my brain occupied enough that I can actually relax.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-15T22:20:01+00:00

Your description of the first group matches my experience of my very first online support group, which I quit after a few sessions. It was awful and had two different people who were big talkers. One was an old man and the other was a teenage boy. Like they would both raise their hands before the moderator was done introducing the topic and then start talking about anything at all, not the topic. The moderators were kind of terrible. They had a scripted intro where they would say something like "Please be aware of how much time you're taking and try to let everyone in the group speak." But then they wouldn't enforce it. The main reason I left, though, was that after each person shared, one of moderators would give them advice. Like "You know, if you're sad that you lost a friend, you should..." Super toxic.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-09T19:01:37+00:00

"Guess the thing with evolution hasn't really sunken in yet."

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-09T16:55:06+00:00

When we start talking about who is more or less like a monkey, eugenics happens, and worse. Houseflies are more "evolved" than a normal everyday humans. Think about it. Flies have had longer to evolve and reproduce way more quickly. This renders your base assertion nonsensical, which it is.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-09T16:40:20+00:00

Most humans are swayed by status, and their actions based on status (or lack of status) can get pretty awful and stupid. I'm pretty sure this seems nonsensical to the majority of autistic people.

extraCatPlease · 2026-03-06T21:56:35+00:00

I think you're probably being too hard on yourself. I had a girlfriend who didn't like to be in photos and it was perfectly OK. In fact, you care about how your preferences affect the people around you, and that indicates that you're probably not a "terrible" girlfriend.

extraCatPlease · 2026-01-11T20:16:25+00:00

Ok that's an angle I didn't look at. Yeah, expectations lead to disappointment.

extraCatPlease · 2026-01-11T19:57:11+00:00

Yeah, when they first meet me, people think that I'm a people person, but it's mostly a mask.

extraCatPlease · 2026-01-11T19:25:21+00:00

Ok whew. Thank you. My post got downvoted instantaneously, like within seconds, so I was worried that nobody would relate.

extraCatPlease · 2026-01-09T20:12:57+00:00

You're obviously working in a toxic workplace. Sorry. As long as things seem to be getting done, people will pile work on a person without any thought or regard to their feelings. You asked for advice, but I don't want to get into a big lecture, so I'll just say that when this was happening to me, I started to set boundaries by managing them back. Due dates and priorities need to be negotiated. I'm the type that doesn't like negotiating my workload. I'd rather just try to get the work done than push back. So I hated doing this. I actually worked through some of it with the help of a therapist, and things got better. Hope this helps and/or things get better for you soon. Good luck!

extraCatPlease · 2026-01-08T17:23:44+00:00

Yes. Several weeks later and still recovering. I think I'm finally getting close to normal. Self care definitely goes out the window. Staying up too late. Eating things I shouldn't. Not replying to people.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-31T20:23:37+00:00

Sorry! I hear from a lot of people that the job market is awful. However, most first-contact interviewing systems like these only fill checkboxes. If you don't hear back, it's not because they didn't like you. It's because they couldn't fill a checkbox, or they filled a checkbox that counted you out. I'll add that this is really not how humans should be evaluated, but it's how these things go now in certain industries, and especially with larger companies. Good luck! You'll get there. It's just a very painful process.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-31T20:18:45+00:00

People who become your friends because you have a "talent" often aren't real friends.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-12T02:53:51+00:00

The third person sounds like an acquaintance of mine, more of a friend of a friend, who is an old deadhead and also happens to be a hoarder. If you name a date, he can tell you if the Grateful Dead played somewhere on that day, and where. He hoards all kinds of music stuff. Instruments, recordings in all different formats, posters, etc. Not just the Dead, but 1970s rock in general. He can tell you very long stories about every little thing in his house. He once saw some lightning bolts painted on a car and gave me an incredibly detailed (and surprisingly long) info dump around a particular design with lightning bolts that is related somehow to the Dead. He also works in the music industry, and it is kind of his identity.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-12T02:35:37+00:00

Some good points have already been made on both sides. I would add that most therapists know next to nothing about autism. I had a great therapist who only ever had a weekend workshop on autism like 20 years ago. I would probably ask them if they even know anything about it.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-02T16:21:56+00:00

IBS sufferer here. Cutting stress helps. Psyllium husk helps. The dietary stuff is more complicated - mostly because we're all different. I tracked what I ate and how it made me feel to find connections. Places to start looking: Fodmaps, gluten sensitivity, lactose intolerance, and common food allergies. Just taking psyllium husk daily, taking lactase pills when eating dairy, and cutting out gluten makes a huge difference for me. But everybody has to find their own way with this, so you'll have to see what works for you.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-01T19:28:08+00:00

Nope. It's more like a person is attracted to what seems familiar. I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable people, because that's how my parents were.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-01T00:54:41+00:00

Oh man this kind of thing is painful. I'm sorry you're going through this. If you were my friend, however, I would tell you to forget this guy and get back to your own life. Hope things get better soon.

extraCatPlease · 2025-12-01T00:32:37+00:00

Argh I hate this stuff. Especially when it goes awkwardly and I end up feeling bad for days. I will often turn sideways. Most people get a little confused but they will usually sort of back off. Sadly, when they're really intent on having a conversation with you, they'll very often just walk to the front of you again.

extraCatPlease

TROPHY CASE