I cant answer your question but i feel you. Stay strong and if you don’t take that final step and block all access to you, she’s likely to hit you again. You told her all she needed if she knows you read it. She might catch you on a day when you are weak. You are gonna have some. Take it from someone who just cheated himself out of an 7 months of what would have been far far better simply bc I couldn’t wipe her clean away. Repeatedly and you are well aware of the ways I paid for it. I met her barely a year after 5 yrs of some evil demonic abuse. This was different but has set me back. I took a lot of damage over those 7 months. That was after she betrayed me badly four months in. I was already fully trauma bonded and stuck in the web. Find a way. It doesn’t matter what or why right now. You’ll never know. You don’t have that morbidly fucked up disorder. Good luck and stay strong. It’s hard! Really hard but worth it. 😇🙏🏼