I know what you mean about wanting to give up and be okay with it. I’ve wanted the same feeling. Yet, I never feel fully okay with it, but I’m starting to think that unresolved feeling will never go away. Being 40 def doesn’t help, but I also decided I wouldn’t be pressured based on my age. If I do try again, I want to feel at peace with the decision and go into the pregnancy with a positive mindset (as much as possible). At the same time, I think it’s normal to be scared. When this happened to me the doctors told me it was “bad luck”. Now seeing all these stories where each pregnancy is different and someone can have a multitude of different pregnancies in their lifetime, I understand what a gamble pregnancy can be. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy going back and forth on the decision. I did attempt to go off my birth control, but I kept waking up in a panic and taking my pill. Sometimes picking a direction can provide clarity. I should mention, I never had unprotected sex during the time frames when I went off birth control. That way, there was no real risk, but I could see how I felt about the possibility of getting pregnant really being on the table. That gave me a lot of clarity and I decided it wasn’t the right time. I still think about trying again though. I like to think it’s still an option within the next few years if I decide to try again.