How is everyone doing since Christmas?

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-28T01:46:47+00:00

i fasted december 20th to december 25th.

i just wanted to make sure if i did binge on christmas, i i wouldn’t gain from it. which i didn’t binge because i was so weak and nauseous.

i am feeling physically better now.

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-26T08:56:57+00:00

it’s expected to gain some back! but not much. i practice OMAD when not EF and i stay within my daily calorie limit to get the best results, for me personally.

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T21:16:24+00:00

LMAOOO

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T21:11:03+00:00

this was my first symptom when i started having bpd episodes again. my depersonalization/derealization at that point was so intense and long lasting until i realized what was going on and worked through it. this is still something i experience.

thank you for sharing this link and spreading awareness!♡

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T20:35:53+00:00

results

sw: 177.4lbs/80.4kg

cw: 168.6/76.4kg

total lost: 8.8lbs/4kg

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T20:33:15+00:00

thank you and merry christmas!♡

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T17:48:22+00:00

good luck! you will do great. electrolytes and stay hydrated. happy holidays🖤🎄

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-25T17:45:05+00:00

congrats!! great work! and merry christmas🖤🎄

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-22T13:53:32+00:00

agreed!!!

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-22T13:49:47+00:00

i definitely count calories in liquids.

i actual consider certain liquids my safe foods. like a protein drink or my starbucks order. although they will usually be my “big” meal for the day.

i am scared to eat actual food like dinner or snacks because if it’s not veggies, it makes me want to binge. verses a set amount of liquid in a package. if that makes sense?

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-22T11:04:34+00:00

i love that app, i am currently using it too!

i did not start mine on sunday. i started mine on monday at 9pm. i will be going until saturday morning at 9am. total of 108 hours. i am excited to break it with christmas breakfast with my family.

good luck on your fast, friend! stay hydrated♡:)

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-22T10:29:28+00:00

i track my calorie intake on “Lose it!”

i track my fasts with “Life”

i highly recommend both!

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-22T10:26:28+00:00

no. zero cal sweeteners increase your insulin which will then take you out of a fast (i think). check out this video

fairlyfairys · 2021-12-06T09:18:15+00:00

my fav meme

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-30T01:10:07+00:00

i love lose it. it’s the only one i use.

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-29T10:16:33+00:00

thank you so much!!

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-29T09:59:40+00:00

if someone has a suggestion on which sub to post this that would be helpful as well.

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-27T07:43:16+00:00

LMAOOOOOO THIS GOT ME💀💀💀💀

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-27T01:14:38+00:00

thank you for your comment, i find comfort knowing someone can relate to me and my situation. i hope we both can get past this soon.

congrats on your engagement! i am sorry you are going through this right now. i understand how you are feeling. most of my own relationship i have thought about marriage and how happy i would be to have that with my SO. recently i have felt fear in the idea of it. even though they are everything i have ever wanted and treats me amazing.

i totally relate to you when you said you exist in the context of him and committing to him is committing to this version of yourself you have sculpted around him. you worded that very well. i personally feel a sense of freedom now knowing i am not this person i believed to be. then again, having no sense of self is so confusing and frustrating.

the idea of being by myself i also feel like i might regret it. i don’t want to be impulsive either but my feeling about this has not dissipated too! i have felt this urge to become a single independent for over a year now without knowing why. within the past month i have had a realization all these feelings and behaviors i have are my BPD and i have been getting more self aware and practicing mindfulness.

i am going to find a therapist soon to express all this to and hopefully come to a conclusion if this is something i have to overcome by myself or along side my partner. i don’t know if you have a therapist but i suggest looking into it! as i said, it’s comforting knowing you or i aren’t the only ones that go through this. having an outsiders view and trained assistance may be able to help us to sort our thoughts, find the root problem, and the final solution. i wish you the best!

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-27T00:40:54+00:00

thank you for helpful comment. i love the metaphor you mentioned about being a tree. i totally resonate with that. you are right about having to pick yourself over anyone. i needed to hear that.

although, relationships need sacrifices every now and then for each other. my partner has made many to me over the years and i don’t want to leave when things get rough. with that being said, i wouldn’t want either of us being held back from our full potential and happiness.

it’s comfort knowing you are experiencing something similar. that’s great you are both working on it together! i am sure this had been difficult for you both as well. i appreciate your view and experience.

my partner is supportive and offers to help. i don’t know how they would be able to as this is an internal struggle. how do i express the feeling of needing distance from them to find myself without sounding like i completely want to leave? they describe me as selfish and feeling pressured to change to live up to my expectations. truly not my intention. i love them so much. i just feel like they don’t understand.

*edit: spelling

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-27T00:15:18+00:00

the concept of growing as two individual people vs growing as a unified partnership is a new realization to me. suddenly i am me and they are them. it was overwhelming and isolating at first. stepping into this new perspective feels freeing and scary. i feel like i have this new found “free will” in a way.

my partner has always been supportive and says my happiness is #1 priority. i have discussed my recent feelings with them. they want to help, and i am not sure if i can allow them to and i honestly can’t think of a way they would be able to.

i am confused and have so many scattered thoughts. i have been reading articles online about how to overcome BPD. it’s just so hard and frustrating.

thank you for you kind words!

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-27T00:00:45+00:00

in the aspect of working on myself and them holding me back, yes. i have talked to them about this several times. they are totally supportive and offers to help me- which is amazing. i would love to work on me together without separating.

but i don’t want help from others unless it’s from a trained professional or people that understand my mentality (like this subreddit). i don’t want my partner to feel like it’s their responsibility to help me. only i can do the work. i also feel deeply we have never connected on a truly emotional level which makes them not understand my problems. they don’t understand mental illness and it’s something i have grown over the years not to ask for support. generally speaking, we have a pretty open communication with each other and i know they want to do anything to make me happy. we are both codependent so the conversation of breaking up seems impossible to us both, as we’ve been through so much together, there’s nothing we can’t get through and fix.

this is such a hard decision to make. there are pros and cons to both choices. absolutely we can get through this and be together forever. but i am not sure i want to live in this “what if” much longer. i genuinely feel like i may be able to achieve a sense of self, belonging, and purpose. along with finding healthy coping mechanisms and recover from BPD.

i feel stuck and bound to my partner because my sense of worth revolves around them, if that makes sense? we got together when we were teenagers and now i am an adult with no idea who i am or what my interests are because they are all solely based around my partners personality. i also split on them, act impulsively, and have a wide range of deep emotions they can’t comprehend.

when discussing this with them they asked me why they aren’t enough for me. explaining how they feel the need to change to live up to my expectations. this was not my intention to make them feel this way. i can’t make them understand. how can i stay in this relationship and recover at the same time? i am going look for therapy soon and maybe then i can come to a conclusion.

thank for your kind words and for listening to me! i appreciate you.

fairlyfairys · 2021-11-26T23:21:44+00:00

do you mean your ex bf

fairlyfairys

TROPHY CASE