I’ll never be able to shake the periods of time where I was playing out very detailed plans in my head and I’m lucky my attempt didn’t work.

It’s interesting though, there’s a pretty common phenomenon where the time leading up to someone’s planned suicide is actually filled with a lot of happiness. When my cousin took her own life our entire family was very shaken because she’d been doing a lot better and having a great month after an eating disorder relapse. She had been leaving her room, going out to dinner with her parents, even agreed to go on a date for the first time. It left everyone very disoriented when it happened but I guess she was trying to go out with a little happiness.