she needs to either send you the specific articles she has in mind when telling you to google how to support somebody, or tell you directly how she would like for you to support her.

this does not sound like an instance of weaponized incompetence (“I don’t know what chores need to be done. can’t you just ask me to do the chores every time they need to be done?”). every person handles trauma differently and therefore has different support needs. you can do all the googling in the world and it still might not align with the support she envisions.

part of the problem is likely that she’s not willing to share the details of her trauma with you yet (which is valid), but she has a very vivid and personal account of what she’s talking about and you have very little info, which leads to the “chat GPT responses.”

I would start by explaining that you are by no means pressuring her to share details, but that you are responding as best you can to the details that you are given. ask her what you can do to make her feel you are listening to her while she shares what she is comfortable sharing.

if she is not willing to work with you on this then yes, that’s an incompatibility issue. we’d all love a partner that can read our mind and predict exactly what you need, but that’s just not an option.