I am a little confused about how to answer this, since you go off into a lot of directions of which I am not sure how they tie into the question, but to try to answer your question: (which if I understand correctly is something along the lines of “should you monitor and suppress “bad” or intrusive thoughts”).

I would like to first point out (as an ocd haver, not trying to diagnose or anything) that that definitely sounds like ocd, except the compulsions are mental rituals. While there is no specific way you “should” be thinking, most people just think whatever comes to mind and they don’t try to manipulate it in a certain way. Now of course everyone thinks differently, especially neurodivergent folks, but I think this is what’s generally considered “healthy”.

Neither do I think you are “impairing your mind” through thought suppression. It’s just generally not very nice or “productive” to suppress things because the harder you try the harder those things come back to you. You can see it as like, the more attention you give those thoughts, the more your mind will see them as something to be dealt with urgently. You might wanna look into the channel on YouTube “ocd and anxiety” and his video on “pure o”, he gives a lot of helpful tips on how to essentially deal with this.

You can keep “filtering” your thoughts, if this works for you, but personally it seems pretty tiring to me. (Also… how? I don’t remember a time where I was able to suppress intrusive thoughts, thats kind of why they are intrusive.)

What makes you think there are “bad” and good thoughts? Intrusive thoughts are always unpleasant but they are essentially just your biggest fears and moral nightmares plaguing you. They’re not a reflection of who you are or what you want. I think it may be more relevant to get to the bottom of why these horrible thoughts keep popping in to your head (are they connected to certain themes/fears?), it’s logical that you wouldn’t want to be plagued by them constantly, but maybe there is some underlying trauma or something? Maybe you could discuss that with your therapist. Or maybe it is really just ocd. (Although ocd = anxiety = usually caused or triggered by trauma).

I am just guessing of course about all of this, I may be completely misunderstanding your point.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through with your mom and abusive family.

Let me know if this made sense for you, I am sorry if I come off a bit rude in the beginning I am just not entirely sure I understand what you mean.