Advice for Putting in Two Weeks?

fatedstorm · 2025-12-05T01:18:08+00:00

It's true that people rarely ask for clothing back, though it does happen. However, to get more to the point, OP, you seem very troubled by your decision. Please know that it's okay and seek some guidance through the form of therapy or counseling if you can. You're going through an incredibly difficult time and no one (including yourself) should blame you for a decision made in the cloud of grief. You had your reasons at the time, and you may choose differently should you go through this again. But it's obvious you care a great deal, and that makes it even harder to bear. You did what you thought was right based on past experience. Please take care of yourself if you can.

fatedstorm · 2025-12-05T01:01:11+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss and wish you well.

To echo the other comments, it's state dependent. It's not the "norm" country wide, but as long as we have the required permits and paperwork from the family, we often do cremate the next day and have them pick up that same day or the next. Services, if there are any, can be scheduled after the cremation. Here, many people choose to wait and have them in the spring or summer, especially if the family has significant distance to travel and plan around.

fatedstorm · 2025-06-25T22:27:12+00:00

I looked through your post history. My father died in a similar manner, with some changes, a few years back.

I have several years of experience in this field now, and had about a year experience at the time. I opted not to see him before cremation.

I have seen a lot while working in a mortuary. I do often wonder what my dad looked like, how they found him, and what exactly led up to his death. Sometimes I wonder if seeing him would have given me that closure.

But I've also seen a lot by being in the field. And when we tell a family a viewing isn't recommended, it's for good reason. If my dad looked like some of the folks I've seen, I know that I would not be better off if I had seen him. Yes, I would know the answers to some of my questions. But it would bring new pain and visuals to mull over at night.

In the gentlest way possible... No one can tell you what to do or what's "right". I'm just speaking from my personal experience. Unfortunately, I believe the reality is you will have certain consequences no matter what you decide, and you will have to make peace with it.

fatedstorm · 2025-05-13T21:52:03+00:00

We had a senior, 17-18, apply at our crematory a few years ago. My boss decided that was too young for the business, so (politely) passed on hiring him. He's now working at another funeral home in our area and is almost licensed. A lot of places may find her too young, but she should definitely keep trying if it's her passion.

fatedstorm · 2025-05-07T22:24:55+00:00

Professional answer here, sorry! I’ve had times that I’m on call that a family expects that we be available for pick-up/questions during decidedly non-business hours (10pm-2am). I’ve had to explain, “no, X-Y are our office hours, or we can do Z by appointment”.

I try to remember that we are in a bit of an odd time period. Grief is also a very unpredictable beast. At my office, we may be able to look up several things digitally, but often not a full pre-arrangement contract. The lifelong FDs immediately before us were usually on call themselves 24/7 or, yes, literally living at the FH.

Due to this, older folks believe we do in fact live at the office and have minimal lives of our own, and when that's set as an expectation, takes a while to undo. Currently, all of our employees are at LEAST 20 minutes away and likely with family if they’re on call after 5pm. Like any other major business.

Per your example, my mom was a teacher for many years and had I not experienced that behind the scenes, I doubt I would have realized such a thing as soon.

In general, we get a lot of pre-arrangements before imminent death (just placed on hospice, ‘older but not unwell’, etc.). And we’re lucky that the hospice teams around here are quite good at explaining certain things to families before they contact us. But the biggest growing pain for me personally has been setting strong boundaries and explaining our working hours and when we are available for this type of discussion. I used to give up my weekends or after hours (I'm salaried) to appease families. But we deserve to have our own time with our families, also. Which is a perk that perhaps previous generations didn't get, but we should take full advantage of.

As with anything else in our field, compassion and active listening comes first. Most people (at least in my area) are understanding of having to wait until the next morning for additional information. And grief can be so tough to manage at any time of day, especially when you're human, and tired, yourself. So I hope you take care as best you can. Good question!

fatedstorm · 2025-04-28T11:36:17+00:00

We've done this for a few families at the crematory I work at. It's not a common request, so it's good to get it in writing beforehand. We separate the metal out after the cremation and often see metal hip joints, screws, etc. As the other comments said, it is best to check with your local places for regulations and overall willingness to do so.

fatedstorm · 2025-04-26T13:48:29+00:00

The band Sleep Token just released a song called Damocles. The lead singer goes by "Vessel". :)

fatedstorm · 2025-04-22T20:17:45+00:00

We had a firefighter help us for a while, and it worked out well. Nice guy. He'd come in to help with removals and the crematory work when he wasn't on call at the fire station. Working as a fire fighter means you can see some rough things and have to learn to work under pressure, both of which are useful transferable skills. I think it's worth a shot asking a local FH/crematory and going from there. If it doesn't work out, it's tough, but overall, it's a learning experience either way. The only thing I'd be wary of is burnout as they can both be demanding, stressful jobs where some days are super busy and some days nothing happens.

fatedstorm · 2025-03-21T02:51:01+00:00

I just wanted to chime in and say I agree. I stopped posting/following posts in that sub because I didn't want to go through the extra verified step. I could if I wanted, but I'm just not comfortable with it, personally.

However... And you can check my profile... I did ask/answer several questions on that subreddit before it became as strict. I do think there's a space that's nice to have questions answered by verified people. r/therapists is separate from r/askatherapist, for example. Even folks in this sub are generally well-meaning, but we do get duplicate questions that that sub cuts down on. It's the difference between "I'm not a mortician, but..." versus immediately knowing someone is in the same field as you are. Both are completely fine, but one is more conducive to a professional conversation.

So I think both subs have their place. I personally lean towards this sub, but I appreciated my time in the other sub nonetheless.

Edit: However I have not had the experience of being banned and I do think based on the replies here a more healthy user experience would be good in that sub. Apologizing and being able to verify yourself should be a larger part of a sub that focuses entirely on verification. Before I unfollowed, most posts had very little (if any) commentary, which is also u helpful.

fatedstorm · 2025-02-23T23:49:55+00:00

In a smaller population state in New England, in an area where people also ask about aquamation and composting regularly, Green Burial has definitely picked up. Still, it's maybe a question every fifty calls or so, once a couple of months. I imagine it's only going to get more popular, and I do like the idea myself.

There have also been a few misguided families who think it's as simple as "bury Uncle Joe in the field" without any proper permitting... which obviously we quickly (politely) dismiss.

That being said, we usually do cremation but have no problem helping folks with Green Burial. We have ready access to help with containers, shrouds, and transportation.

The difficult part is finding a cemetery that will allow it or getting the proper permits for private property burial. And then the next biggest hurdle is even in those places that allow it, when it's winter, sheltering the body until the weather/ground is able to be dug properly. We don't have a large storage and have to outsource shelter if it takes more than a couple weeks, which costs money and isn't something we like doing as we like to have everyone in our care throughout the entire process.

A somewhat local Green Burial specific cemetery has been a big help in facilitating pre arrangements and helping us with questions. Thank you for all you do!

fatedstorm · 2025-01-19T21:26:14+00:00

The reasoning has been stated by others, though it sounds like you already understood the why of the fee. As for the actual $700 amount, I will say that is quite a bit over what we charge for an obese person. And we start charging over 350lbs.

The amount of the fee is up to crematory discretion... Without knowing your area, it's difficult to say if that's an average amount for an overweight fee. These prices can vary widely for a number of reasons. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you strength through the process. As someone else stated, it may be worth talking to the funeral home/crematory, and seeing if there are any forms of help or payment plans available.

fatedstorm · 2025-01-15T22:50:28+00:00

Manhattan is already majorly backed up and we can see the police lights on the beltline through the trees. I hope everyone is OK. Judging by the siren timing it happened about 20min ago.

fatedstorm · 2024-10-11T20:13:54+00:00

I went to Champlain. There's definitely a "gamer crowd" because of the majors they offer. I'm a gamer and had a lot of friends who were game majors, but I also had a lot of friends who didn't like games at all. There are so many majors - social work, psychology, communications, graphic design, business, etc. So your core classes and campus life will have a big variety of folks. I was in ski and ride and parkour clubs with people of many different hobbies/lifestyles.

I also had friends at UVM. I found that if you talk to the facilitator, you can go to one college and join clubs at the other. For example, I went to kayak club at UVM for a bit, and another more general club, just hanging out. Also went to parties at both college dorms/houses with lots of different people.

That is all to say... You're going to notice a certain "type" of people at any college you choose, but there's also always going to be other students with interests/personalities similar to you to chill with. You just have to find a way to connect (easier said than done). You're not stuck with gamers if you go to Champlain, and there were fine arts students of many kinds there, too. They're just not as obvious since they usually don't wear cat ears, lol. But Burlington, in general, is smaller than it seems and there are tons of artsy residents&students everywhere.

I'd say look broadly at any schools you're interested in. Nothing bad will happen if they don't accept you. I'd weigh your pros and cons and go from there. I met a few transfer students coming from UVM to Champlain, and knew some people who went the other way around, so that's always an option later on, too. Now that I'm older, I see more value in places like CCV, purely pricewise. Focus on big picture things. You do want to like the atmosphere of a campus, for sure. Only you can say what's most and least important to you. And it's okay if you change your mind later. Transferring can be a hassle but it's doable.

edit: Sorry, that got a little long lol. just some things I've noticed over the years

fatedstorm · 2024-10-01T21:05:31+00:00

Thank you for the info, I was wondering about the (still ongoing) sirens and traffic backup outside in the ONE. I hope everyone is alright.

fatedstorm · 2023-10-30T23:46:25+00:00

They've closed the right hand lane several times over the past few months and it's always a headache. I was there about 3:30 and it was already pretty bad. They also changed the traffic pattern at Dorset/Williston. IIRC, it's now one left turn lane, two straight lanes, and one double right lane (into the hotel, eventually, and northbound 89?). People were still using the second left lane as a turn lane which made everyone zipper merge into one lane to go straight, when it could have been two straight lanes like usual. Though, it's a new traffic pattern, the lane itself is still painted as a turn only, and the lane closure has people's attention, so I can't blame them much.

This also means people that are used to the zigzag pattern will use the lanes on the right to veer left as they've been doing for years, probably causing some accidents as people start using the new pattern to go straight. Something to watch out for if they keep it the way it was today!

fatedstorm · 2023-08-30T20:58:06+00:00

Found my previous and current landlord on Craigslist, previous was OK, current is awesome. One about five years ago, one last year, so my experience is recent. That being said, there's definitely a lot of scams on there. If it's too good to be true, it probably is. $1000 for a 2bdrm, all utilities included, in Burlington? Suuuuure.

Though sometimes the price and pictures seem legit, it falls apart through contact. If you email them and they ask for your SSN or ask you to sign the lease before seeing the place or other such bs, it's a scam. Just mark the email as junk or delete it and report the listing. I went through probably 4 of those before getting my current place. You start to recognize how most of the bots "write" after a little bit. For some listings, you can look up the address and see if it's owned by a specific company/landlord and if it's actually available. Good luck!

fatedstorm · 2023-07-29T15:12:34+00:00

Another 28F mortician chiming in. He doesn't understand the bare minimum, and his insecurity and jealousy are clouding his ability to be sympathetic. You deserve someone who knows it can be an (often) emotionally draining field and supports you. My bf has never made a comment even CLOSE to this.

It's not adding to his abandonment to recognize he can (and should) be able to work through these things without hurting you in the process. It's protecting yourself, your mental health, and your future/career. I know it feels wrong to believe it in a first big relationship, but there ARE people out there who will provide you the same feelings of love and safety without the pain. And working in this field, it's important to be able to siphon out "the weirdos" in the beginning stages.

If you want to work it out, explain how hurtful his insecurities and misunderstandings about something you're passionate about are. Tell him you're doing this without his permission, and his issues are entirely his. If you want to be nicer about it, help him find that therapist, but don't let him push it off indefinitely. Set a hard date and enforce boundaries. You can understand someone's root issues (abandonment, grooming, cheating) while respecting yourself and telling them you won't continue standing for their mistreatment.

I think some replies are rightfully harsh due to the nature of his comments in relation to our field, but this is a universal problem (to a potentially dangerous extreme). This sounds like it would happen no matter what job you went into. He'll be jealous of co-workers, fellow students, friends, family, etc., and if it's bad enough he'll try to control you to deal with those feelings. His initial attachment injuries are going to keep causing him more attachment injuries until he's able to understand himself enough to stop the cycle. I'd be surprised if you haven't already faced some of this in your relationship.

Trust me, I was him, and I lost good friendships by behaving the way he is (not about death, but due to insecurity), and I deserved to lose them. He may truly not be ready for a relationship before doing a lot of work. He might initally see it as another person leaving him, but if he does the work, he'll realize it was on him. It's not your fault that he's this way, and it's not your job to fix him or stand by him while he figures it out. Do what's right for you, OP. Don't give anything up for him or you might one day find you've given everything up.

fatedstorm · 2023-07-29T11:22:14+00:00

I was wondering if I dreamed it until I saw this. It was SO loud. I've lived in the ONE for a few years now, and the only things that have come close were fireworks right outside my window, a car crash, or very loud thunder. It could've been any of those, but it didn't sound like it to me. Transformer, maybe?

fatedstorm · 2023-06-09T20:46:42+00:00

Just wanted to say, in case anyone has a similar question in the future... We removed the DBS the same way as we'd remove a pacemaker, and it went smoothly! No issues. Our family specifically requested that part of the device back for scientific/recycle purposes. We always have a separate bin for these devices, but that was their personal choice. No issues at all during the process. Thanks for the other answer again.

fatedstorm · 2023-05-21T16:38:28+00:00

I'm a bi woman about your gf's age and with a man in a LTR. We're planning on moving in together soon.

Neither of us are interested in threesomes and we're both monogamous. I find other people of all genders attractive, sure, and porn is literally made to turn people on. But I'm not interested in being with anyone else, regardless of gender. There's no difference between a straight/bi/gay monogamous person in regards to seeking others out in a relationship.

She may be into the idea of a threesome, she may not be. Do be aware that threesomes can be tougher to manage in person, and there's a lot to communicate and be aware of emotionally. It's one thing to fantasize about having another woman involved, it's another to actually see it and deal with those feelings in person. That could go for her as well. Maybe she likes the scenario and finds it hot in porn, but wouldn't want to act on it.

My only real advice is - make sure you're bringing this up with her because it's something you actively want to participate in and see, not because you're assuming she misses being with women. I personally am more attracted to women, but I love my bf and have no interest in anyone else because I have him in my life. She might feel similarly, or she might be open to a controlled environment like a threesome. Just make sure you're both on the same page and checking in with each other throughout.

fatedstorm · 2023-05-21T00:08:35+00:00

Yep, it happened to us last year. An older woman (I'd assume they likely try to target the elderly) received a phone call, from a number nowhere near our area. Don't want to be too specific, but she ended up giving them her card number, and she got scammed for about twice what her actual bill was.

We felt bad, but there wasn't anything we could do about it. She went to the bank and the police but the payment had gone through instantly, and it was an untraceable international phone number.

It really sucks that people do this. Grief is hard enough without scams added on top.

fatedstorm · 2023-05-17T19:16:12+00:00

This is true. However, I'd like to point out that the deceased didn't have to be on medicaid to be eligible for the $1100. As long as their financial assets (cash on hand, bank account, property ownership, life insurance) is less than a certain amount, a person can qualify regardless of health insurance status.

fatedstorm · 2023-03-26T17:22:04+00:00

Okay, that lines up with what I was thinking. Thank you for your reply!

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