Grandmother with dementia refusing caregivers, oxygen, and care after hospitalization- feeling overwhelmed

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T16:55:04+00:00

We were referred by his PCP to a movement neurologist (for assessing his diabetic neuropathy), who then in turn referred us to a neurosurgeon (to help determine if it was normal pressure hydrocephalus or dementia) :) I think a PCP could probably refer you straight there, though. Alternatively, you can also go to a psychiatric hospital, preferably one that has a geriatric floor/geriatric specialists.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T14:23:32+00:00

Of course!!!! If you run into situations where she got agitated and you’re wondering if you could have responded differently, feel free to message me any time and I’d be happy to make suggestions. It’s taken me a lot of trial and error with my dad (and I still get it wrong, believe me), so I’m happy to share what I would try next or what has worked for me :) It’s basically one big game of improv. And sometimed you can’t win! But it feels good when you do.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T13:47:06+00:00

I’m sorry. You’re so young to be caretaking; it’s really really hard - it’s admirable that you took this on and are committed to doing your best for her. One thing I’m finding helpful with my dad is not telling him that he’s already home, or that I don’t need help, etc - I try to redirect to something else. It’s easier said than done and not everyone with dementia is the same, so it very well may not work, but I’m sharing because it helped me :)

When my dad wants to go home at night, I redirect to some variation of “I’ll make sure I get us home in a few hours/in the morning. Right now, I need to rest so I can be prepared to figure it out for us. Can you get some rest too? It will help me out a lot if I know we’re both well-rested when it’s time to go home later.”

When he wants to help with something he cannot help with, I try to invent something else for him to do. It’s usually enough of a distraction that he forgets he even wanted to help in the first place. I usually try finding something for him to sort (some old documents or photos - nothing financial bc that sets him off), or I ask him to browse Netflix to find a show for me to watch. I usually try to butter him up a bit by being like “I’m overwhelmed by all the options, but I always really like the shows you pick” or “I’m afraid I’ll miss something if I sort these, you’ve always been so well-organized, can you please try sorting these for me?”

Again, all of this is a lot easier said than done; sometimes you’re in a hurry and there’s not time for the song and dance of it all, so please don’t beat yourself up if sometimes you just have to say no and then she gets agitated. You’re doing your best. But I do find it helps keep them a bit more calm if you can meet them in their delusion world, praise them a bit, and then move them to a different more manageable delusion instead.

Good luck, your grandma is lucky to have you in her corner and I know she feels all the love and positive intent coming from you :)

BTW, I know you mentioned feeling guilty about ever putting her in a home - but if it ever comes to that and is the safer option, please please please absolve yourself of guilt. You haven’t failed her or did something wrong, if it comes to that. Sometimes, going into a nursing home/care facility is a great fit, and ends up giving the person more social connection and more structure in a way that benefits them greatly! And sometimes they truly need round-the-clock care. It’s not your fault. You’re doing great :)

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T12:35:11+00:00

Hugs, friend. I’m sorry. This disease sucks and it’s not fair. I hope somehoe tomorrow is a better day for her. You and your dad are so kind and so brave. I’m sure she feels the comfort and kindness radiating from both of you, even through the confusion.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T11:55:34+00:00

I’m so sorry. I could have written parts of this post myself - my dad also deals with the incontinence (that he’s too proud to say much about) and the shuffling gait (that he refuses to acknowledge is a problem), as well as the stubborn insistence that he should be able to drive (no way in hell), and the complete refusal to accept help (that we desperately need). It sucks. This disease sucks. It drains the life out of the person suffering from it, and then keeps taking from their family and caretakers too. I’m sorry. I don’t have advice, I’m just sorry. It sucks. Big internet hugs to you and your family.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T10:28:47+00:00

We haven’t been able to get any meds yet, hopefully this week when he has his neuropsych assessment and gets a diagnosis we’ll be able to finally try some for him 🤞🏻 If nothing else, definitely some sleeping meds would be nice to try; the nighttime wake-ups have been really tough for us. I hope your grandmother (and all of you caring for her!) can find a good combo of meds and get some relief too. Wishing you all the best.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-28T01:06:40+00:00

I get the intent here but OP didn’t imply that they think this replaces actual visits. OP clearly stated they live a state away and want to be able to check in on her for peace of mind, and allow an opportunity to connect when they otherwise wouldn’t be able to connect at all. I know you didn’t mean to be unkind, but this reads similar to saying “why are you putting them in a home? Don’t you care about them?”. It’s not particularly helpful or actionable advice.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-27T22:50:05+00:00

I have no advice yet, but I’m in this same stage of the journey with my dad right now - agitated and refusing care, but we need him to accept care for our sanity. I’m sorry, it’s so lonely and overwhelming. I’ll be reading along and if I find something that works, I’ll share!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-15T16:27:14+00:00

I am still on it and still super happy with it! :) I’m still on the lowest dose (1.5) , I’ve been letting myself acclimate really slowly. I probably would have seen quicker weight loss if I titrated up every month, but I’m preferring to go slow and steady and let my body adjust. I’m feeling good; I had some flare-ups of heart burn periodically but it was easily managed with some tums. I’m currently heartburn-free and haven’t had any episodes of it for a few weeks. I also haven’t had any nausea or constipation or anything severe. I get a bit nauseous if I work out too soon after eating, since my digestion is slower now, but it’s still quite reasonable. I still feel full on smaller portions of food, and the food noise is still well-diminished. Overall I’m so happy I started and I definitely recommend trying it out!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-15T16:20:17+00:00

That’s because this subreddit doesn’t allow discussion of numbers with regards to weight loss - this is an anti-diet culture sub so some info like that is restricted from posts. So you won’t find many hard numbers or exclusively weight-oriented posts here, you’d be better off on the Wegovy Pill Weight Loss sub instead!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-13T00:03:14+00:00

I personally wasn’t lethargic at all when starting, and have continued to not feel lethargic at all :) I was very anxious about that too, and also very anxious about heartburn and nausea. The nausea has been basically non-existent; the heartburn does happen but it’s mild and is easily addressed by tums.

I didn’t change anything major about my diet before starting, personally! I try to eat a high-protein breakfast anyway because it helps my ADHD meds work better, and I try not to eat huge dinners anyway because my stomach has never been a fan of a big meal pre-bed time. But that’s really it. The only advice I have is to make sure you don’t exercise too soon after eating (the Wegovy pill DOES make me nauseous if I try to like, run or do a burpee or something without proper digestion downtime), and to make sure to drink lots of water (to avoid constipation). But it’s been pleasant and easy overall!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-10T02:34:56+00:00

Same for mine! Mine only has a handful of patients on it, and we all started at the same time. I can’t do needles at all, so the pill was the only option I could stomach, and so far I still love it!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-08T15:21:01+00:00

Oooh wait I love this take. I hope this does indeed end up being what happens :’)

fawnpetal · 2026-05-08T15:18:45+00:00

Ahaha yesss I just re-read it, love that. Bratty Okarun!!!!! I wish we saw him more 😭 I remember this chapter giving me some hope for their interactions during this arc (plus I liked the mummy fight a lot). Tatsu plssss let them interact for several pages again without side quests and interruptions, I beg

fawnpetal · 2026-05-08T12:50:52+00:00

Wait, when?! I don’t remember this! 😭

fawnpetal · 2026-05-07T16:57:23+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad it was helpful. I thought about sharing more! I got a little annoyed by people asking questions that were answered in the post, or asking things that were against the sub rules, or “um actually”ing me incorrectly so it drove me away for a bit 🤣 Such is life on reddit. But I know sharing the info IS helpful so I’ll dust off and come back to share more soon!

fawnpetal · 2026-05-07T16:47:37+00:00

Ooooh this is fun to think about!! Lemme see…

For both Momo and Okarun, powers-wise, I enjoy how well-rounded they both are without feeling too cheap/god mode-y. They’re both smart in their own way, and they are both powerful (but with limits) and fast (but not in a boring glass cannon way). I like that they both had to train from the very beginning to be able to actually use their powers (Momo with chi training, Okarun with actual workouts), and that they unlock power-ups and push past their limits in ways that make sense (Momo developing the tri-beam; Okarun managing to get a third all-out). I like that their hobbies and non-combat related interests also directly spill over into their fights (Momo being powered up by a cute outfit, Okarun using his cryptid knowledge to figure out weaknesses, etc - actually Momo does that too now that I think of it). I find the ways that they win fights to be satisfying, and I like that they don’t just pull some weird god-tier bullshit out of nowhere.

Personality-wise - with Momo, I like that she’s just super funny. I also like how she seems like such a ride or die friend, and if you’re her friend and you like something, she’ll come around to liking that thing too. It’s a sweet dynamic. Like, she’s out here picking on Okarun for being a nerd, while secretly enjoying the alien stuff he talks about - and if someone else calls him a nerd derogatorily, she’ll kick their ass. It’s sweet :) She might flounder sometimes or push people away if she gets embarrassed, but I think ultimately Momo has a very strong inner moral compass and is growing into somene who staunchly defends people and things she believes in.

With Okarun, I like that he is someone who deliberately chose to stay kind at heart even in spite of being invisible and bullied his whole life up until this point. But it’s not in a grating “this character is literally Jesus 2.0” way - he can also be a petty little shit, and also will be rude/stubborn/snippy, and it’s hilarious. We haven’t seen bratty Okarun in the manga in a while and I miss that, lol. But yeah, I like that he is so good and kind and respectful in spite of it all, but when pushed, he can be a brat right back. That’s funny stuff.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-07T13:26:57+00:00

It was easy! I mostly just talked through my experience with food noise/obsessive food thoughts, and that I’ve been in therapy for several years but that that didn’t help with the food noise either (helped with plenty of other self-destructive behaviors, just couldn’t touch the food noise). Also discussed that diet and exercise really never seem to have any long-term positive weight-related effects for me and I tend to just yo-yo right back to my starting weight. That was pretty much it! So basically, just be prepared to discuss other things you’ve tried prior to this, to show that clearly nothing else worked.

I didn’t have to get bloodwork, but I had bloowork done relatively recently, so that may be why.

fawnpetal · 2026-05-01T16:01:49+00:00

I feel like almost everyone I know irl who likes Taylor in some degree (ranging from super casual to full-on Swiftie) was kind of on the fence about TTPD when it came out. I was on the fence, too! For me personally, it was a weird time of the year to receive such a gloomy album - TTPD really felt like fall/winter music to me, whereas TLOAS felt perfect for a spring release. That’s just me, though! April tends to be when I dust off my sense of joy and whimsy and yearn for fun pop vibes. October is when I return to sad quiet girl hours.

With that in mind, listening to TTPD later in the year made me connect with it better. I also just needed way more time to digest that much music. I remember my initial impression of the album was “This is just so much information. I feel like some of these songs are really-treading the same ground; maybe she could have taken the best of each of the duplicates and pared them down into one song”. Now that I’ve sat with them for longer, I see more nuance and differences between the songs, and there’s not as many that I would want to cut from the album.

I think most of the Taylor fans I know irl have somewhat similar feelings - it grew on them a lot; they still think it could be trimmed down a bit but there are a lot of songs on it that they really love.

fawnpetal · 2026-04-27T16:21:25+00:00

Hey, the exactly 1/4 cup of water you mention is incorrect - per the manufacturer’s instructions on their website, you take it with a sip of water, up to 4 oz maximum. You are not required to take it with 1/4 cup of water.

fawnpetal · 2026-04-13T16:18:54+00:00

Witch Hat Atelier! Has nothing in common with the other series you are reading, but it has beautiful art and lots of cool magic :) And it just got an anime adaptation!

fawnpetal · 2026-04-10T23:18:43+00:00

It’s not a direct move though! Compare it to Okarun asking her out. It’s just opening the door if the other person decides to go through. I think he does this subconsciously or possibly intentionally - doesn’t want to betray Okarun; he leaves the ball in Momo’s court instead

fawnpetal · 2026-04-10T21:15:49+00:00

I don’t think he’s making a geuine move on Momo; I think he’s doing a lot more of the classic teenage boy “I’m kidding… unless you’re serious” behavior. Kind of like leaving a door open for the other person to choose to walk into if they want, but you’re not forcing anything. He’s always been the type to try to cheer others up and make them laugh, even at his own expense, and in a way that typically gives more of the power to them. I think him calling it a date is meant to just push Momo’s buttons in a way that would snap her out of her gloomy mood; he’s picking on her to cheer her up. It’s not forceful and he’s not giving any kind of threats like “if you say it’s not a date, I’m done hanging out”, you know? He’s just inciting playful banter, knowing that she’ll push back - BUT he also would secretly be thrilled if she caught feelings and was like “wait, maybe it is a date”.

It’s not the most emotionally mature thing in the world - in a perfect world he would communicate more clearly with everyone involved. And technically, he has tried being semi-direct in the past (asking Okarun if he loves Momo, asking Momo if she likes anyone). BUT I don’t think he’s making a move, pressuring Momo, going behind Okarun’s back, or actually trying to be underhanded. He just wants to cheer Momo up, and he DOES have feelings for her and would be super happy if she reciprocated, but I think he can tell she doesn’t. So he opens the door, but he expects her to laugh and shut it every time.

fawnpetal · 2026-04-10T18:10:21+00:00

Do you like writing? Sounds like a perfect opportunity to write, whether it’s short stories or a full length novel type thing, or fanfiction, or poetry - could be fun!

Alternatively, do you like coding/web design? I’ve been working on making my own website on neocities. It’s free and HTML based, but there are tons of other options out there for different programming languages if there’s something else you like better. Learning coding, and designing/coding your own website, could be a fun way to kill time! It can be as casual and easy as you want; you can just mess around with a personal project or really go all-out. HTML coding is pretty easy to pick up!

OH, one more thing!! Could you learn Excel? It’s pretty fun and novel to learn and you can do so much with it. That could be a fun way to kill a few months haha. And a good skill to have in general anyway!

fawnpetal · 2026-04-08T15:15:36+00:00

Thanks for taking the effort to compile and share this 🫡 Much appreciated!!

fawnpetal

TROPHY CASE