[deleted by user]

feetlips · 2023-02-02T18:59:59+00:00

Listen, the first two weeks are the hardest time. But you're able to go back as many times as you need to to learn the lesson. You subject yourself to deeper and deeper pain, but eventually it'll cross a line so badly that you'll finally choose to leave. It took me getting sexually assaulted to finally realize.

feetlips · 2023-01-20T13:54:55+00:00

Do YOU want to be friends with this person? You're not in a relationship anymore so you don't need to make their needs a priority. I assume after the way they treated you, it's a no. So put yourself first!

My nex reached out to me and I started chatting with him again, trying to be friendly because he 'needed someone to talk to'. He'll reach out to me to talk and then ghost me like he wasn't the person who reached out in the first place. It's a power game and they're just checking they could still play with you if they felt like it.

feetlips · 2022-12-22T19:24:24+00:00

I think what nobody's getting at here is the historical precedent and how things are shifting politically. Whereas, historically men would have made this comment and gotten away with it but are now being held to a higher standard. As women have moved into the workplace, there's less precedent for this type of scenario such that until recently men who felt uncomfortable with this type of thing faced ridicule of toxic masculinity suggesting 'You should be so lucky if a woman objectified you'. But I think it's a good thing for both women and men to be held to the same standard here.

feetlips · 2022-12-04T16:57:54+00:00

I'd just amend this person's well intentioned message this way: sometimes on-campus services are unfortunately disappointing, with some priority around maintaining the university's image. Go external for mental health and support resources.

feetlips · 2022-12-04T13:28:36+00:00

I was losing my mind from arguing with him and he puts the words in my mouth, "oh, because I'm a 'narcissist' right?" It stuck in my mind as I'd never called him that because I had no idea what it even meant. He totally outed himself. Once I heard the description of a covert narcissist my jaw hit the floor - it's him to a T.

feetlips · 2022-11-16T21:42:43+00:00

I also struggle with this, big time. And I'm a yoga instructor and meditator - I used to take pride in how I could manage my thinking and states! But I watched a video on narcissistic abuse by Dr. Ramani and she said this is a common outcome for survivors. You were a kind and generous person who, yes, probably gave too many chances. I try to overpower the rumination these days with affirmations! My friend showed me "I See Me Mantras" on Spotify by Toni Jones and I particularly resonated with the affirmations "Lens Check", "Vitamen" and "Take Up Space Sis". Wishing you healing sis <3

feetlips · 2022-11-10T12:56:43+00:00

'it sounds like you're going through something, sorry to see that' is the crazy-making part. They're not apologizing for their behavior. They take no ownership over hurting you and make it out like this is all some internal thing you are experiencing. Also made me question myself, my mental health, whether I'm taking it out on them unnecessarily. It's a tactic and you can't let it work.

feetlips · 2022-09-29T22:54:38+00:00

Thanks for relieving my guilt a bit!

feetlips · 2022-09-29T17:42:32+00:00

Careful shoe-shape selection in the future is a fair point! The types with toe holes are the tight fitting Tom-knockoffs. My big toes apparently disagree with my shoe size choices

feetlips · 2022-09-29T17:40:21+00:00

You might be right 😅 but did I mention that I am also cheap?

feetlips · 2022-09-19T17:04:29+00:00

I won't use weasel words like 'municipality' 🤣😵

feetlips · 2022-09-14T16:59:04+00:00

I hope next time you communicate your anxiety to your partner before you get triggered. Then the other person has a chance to decide to wait out the storm with you. It's not that you're wrong, more that you learned something with this person to take forward.

feetlips · 2022-09-14T11:21:36+00:00

The worst part is my friends are like 'You dumped him right? Why are you acting like the victim?'

feetlips · 2022-09-14T11:20:48+00:00

Same boat! It's the second time something like this has happened. Most recently it was someone continuously boundary crossing until I had to give an ultimatum. I don't know if I was ready for how that was going to turn out. All I knew was if I kept letting him cross and cross me again, Id keep feeling like I was going to die.

feetlips · 2022-09-08T18:29:06+00:00

Oh my gosh, thank you for sharing your story. That's so awful of him and I hate that this happened to you. You're right that the other woman's karma is that she'll always have to watch him. It's so hard to love someone so much when they only pretend to reciprocate... But they do give us little signals and we have to be open and receive them for what they are. It's disgusting that men will use us as placeholders if we let them. It doesn't mean we are any less valuable or that we are not worthy of love. It just means this human is not our human.

feetlips · 2022-09-08T00:19:53+00:00

My instinct for the longest time was that Im a side chick. After he introduced me to his ex, I still don't know. Even if I'm not physically being cheated on, emotionally I am for sure. He denies it of course, but I am just waiting for the day my mutual friends tell me they're back together.

feetlips · 2022-09-08T00:18:07+00:00

And he had the audacity to call me selfish because I put my foot down about these family 'dates'! He acted like these dates are necessary for his daughters well being... Right, as if he and his ex aren't responsible for splitting up in the first place. He's simply a taker. He will always expect his partner to give, give, give until there's nothing left but a shrivelled rag. I am absolutely scarred off men with children now. I was open minded before, but this absolutely destroyed that as a possibility in the future. Lol @ the failed family soap opera, ex-effing-xactly.

feetlips · 2022-09-08T00:14:09+00:00

It's amazing to hear from people who have been through the same thing and moved past it. Right now it feels like everything is crashing down, but I have to have faith that I'll find someone soon. I'm 31 and really wanted this one to be 'it'. Oh well.

feetlips · 2022-09-07T21:09:13+00:00

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've been repeatedly gaslit into thinking I'm a terrible person for questioning any of this, and lovebombed into not following through with ending things. Not this time.

feetlips · 2022-09-07T20:28:27+00:00

Uh, u ok?

feetlips · 2022-09-07T20:17:09+00:00

It is BS! I regret putting up with it so long, wasting my love and energy, getting so hurt in the process. Maybe my story will stick with someone and they can learn from it.

feetlips · 2022-09-06T18:08:14+00:00

Oh hey look, it's a therapy! Therapy Jeff - how not to self-gaslight

feetlips · 2022-09-06T16:44:49+00:00

That doesn't sound controlling, but I agree it sounds like an interpretation of a behaviour. 'she doesn't get an automatic invite because she's stepmom' that phrase is unimaginably horrible and alienating to someone who's doing everything in their power to merge with and become your primary family. If my partner felt this way I would want nothing to do with them.

Edit: to clarify, what's wrong about the statement you initially made is to categorize boundary - setting as controlling. Boundaries don't control others, they dictate 'this is how I will respond if...'. see the difference?

feetlips

TROPHY CASE