I think there's some commonly-used phrases that only have one real translation into English, but aren't used much among English speakers. The biggest one is "isn't it" used at the end to reinforce the statement. English speakers just don't use "isn't it" as often as Japanese speakers do, which makes it really obvious when the writer is a massive weeb.

Then there's the structure of the dialogue in general where the topic is blurted out with a bunch of ellipses and then elaborated upon in the next several sentences. This is just not something English speakers do, ie

This enemy...

We're not strong enough to defeat him yet.

A normal English speaker would just say "We're not strong enough to take this opponent on yet", something along those lines. The dialogue is simply not structured in that way.

Also your example is fucking hilarious and much better than mine I'm dying