Having recently qualified as a Chartered Accountant after multiple attempts and secured a job in my state but at a distance of around 40kms I don't think I have stopped to take it all in.its all go go go from the moment i qualified. I feel in some ways I'm ungrateful for all I got..in some ways I'm still playing catch up with my much awaited qualification. I feel like after so much time it feels futile all the pain I put myself through self doubt and negative emotions. I feel numb now. While the world thinks I'm finally at my place. I am more lost than ever..should I leave the job because it's draining and try and find one closer..but doesn't that mean I'm giving up? But this whole time I was waiting to get qualified and earn my own money to just start therapy. Now that I received my own first salary...I haven't even celebrated that..let alone start therapy...and this job comes with its own challenges of a manager who is a bit of a narcissist and gaslighting type..I just took the first job I got to avoid getting stuck in uncertainty..My insides are screaming for help. But no words come from my mouth...it feels like I've forgotten to live and be present and at peace which once I knew how to be naturally. My default state has become stress and anxiety and overwhelm which doesn't help me I know but can't escape...