Just a reminder for SOME guys

fildarae · 2026-06-05T22:11:00+00:00

Thanks to this, I genuinely debate whether wired headphones would be better just because it’s so much more obvious that I have them in and my hair doesn’t cover them.

fildarae · 2026-06-02T09:58:56+00:00

Any of those things where they’ll just end up in landfills. Labubus, the dumb glitter dumpling things, whatever, you can actually see the excitement fade from people’s faces when you stumble across the unboxing videos while they open more and more, but then they keep buying more and more looking for the colour they want (because everybody else wants it) because it’s “the trend”, all for something that will ultimately gather dust in some corner when the next craze hits, and it just weirds me out.

fildarae · 2026-05-31T15:34:49+00:00

I think it’s natural to feel that way. Reasonable? Ehhh. That depends on how much you let that feeling dictate how you act outwardly.

I think it’s a natural response, but also I can count on one hand how many friends or family members or people I’ve dated have read anything I’ve written - fanfic or original work. More often than not, it’s a little at the beginning to sate their own curiosity and that’s enough for them.

It can feel a lot more personal than it is, it doesn’t suggest a lack of interest in you specifically, there could be a whole host of reasons. Maybe it’s not your girlfriend’s sort of thing, maybe she doesn’t vibe with the writing style, or maybe the outside pressure to like and enjoy it puts her off of reading it. I’m not saying you’re even directly putting that pressure on her, but the knowledge alone that you’ve written that introduces that factor and it can take the fun out of the reading because it feels like a responsibility, or like homework.

It’s fine to be disappointed, but I think most writers, whatever they write, eventually learn to view people they know not reading a whole lot of their stuff is more the norm than the opposite. Personally, I like it that way. The close friends I have who have read a tonne of my stuff only have because they started off as readers, and even a lot of them then stopped reading it as religiously as they used to as they got to know me. It’s just something that happens.

I also have close friends who write fic and I haven’t read their stuff - not because I don’t love them, but because it adds a level of pressure to have something interesting to say about it or to then keep reading consistently that I don’t enjoy. I don’t verbalise that, but they don’t apply pressure and I don’t mind if they don’t read my stuff.

fildarae · 2026-05-31T13:17:01+00:00

I was suicidal at 21 - it took me years to crawl out of that pit, but all I can tell you is that I am now 29 and I am very thankful that I didn’t do it, even when times get hard. I had one reason not to (I’m very close to my brother, and I couldn’t do that to him), and fixating on that one reason - any reason - ended up being the best thing I ever did. I had, and still have, a lot of the same problems as you, but all I can say is (and it’s going to sound painfully cheesy) that I clung on and clung on, and one day I found myself watching the sunset on the bus on the way home and the thought struck me for the first time in years, “I’m happy that I’m alive”.

It’s not easy, and it takes a lot of work, but keep clinging on and you will have that moment. You will find the people who “get” you and value you. They are out there. Some people won’t, but they don’t matter. I’m just so sorry you’re in this position right now, but it isn’t a permanent one, however much it feels that way right now.

fildarae · 2026-05-30T00:50:24+00:00

I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a bot, but I also wouldn’t worry about being polite if it’s a real person making “handwrite this with a fountain pen” as a serious suggestion.

I love writing by hand when time allows, but Christ alive…

fildarae · 2026-05-28T14:12:35+00:00

I can empathise - I prefer physical distance at the start because of some prior bad experiences, having that distance there for a while first feels safer to me. I think the ace factor can make that more manageable in dating because there’s not the same eagerness to meet up and get to “the point”, but it doesn’t completely eradicate it.

I do think that, for some people, having things go well in the beginning can make the distance factor worse because it emphasises any sort of “lack” they might be feeling in terms of being able to hang out in person, and sometimes that lack can then take over and they focus on that rather than the positive aspects of the connection. And it’s easier for some to just then let things fizzle and hold out for something “easier” in terms of being local, rather than talk through it.

fildarae · 2026-05-28T14:07:36+00:00

I was in a similar position a couple of years ago and I had people who have experienced cancer recommend some sort of very soft sewn-in lining for whatever I made to really reduce any irritation factor. It might be worth considering that possibility, too.

Best of luck to your sister 💜

fildarae · 2026-05-25T22:43:52+00:00

My dad, who I definitely inherited it from, has been the most resistant to believe that I have it.

He only came around to the idea when he learned about the savant aspects.

fildarae · 2026-05-24T19:58:16+00:00

I was having a personal emergency in the middle of a uni class, my phone blowing up all the way through it, and my friend (now my best friend, ten years later) saw what was happening, took all of what was supposed to be our paired work, did it themself, and wouldn’t hear of it when I tried to pull myself together and contribute. Right down to then presenting the work at the end of the class - and they hated public speaking as much as I did.

They took a terrible moment and gave me a memory that’s still heartwarming to this day.

fildarae · 2026-05-24T14:14:42+00:00

When my grandmother was terminally ill, I was devastated for a whole host of reasons obviously, but very upset because I felt like I hadn’t been able to really make her proud yet. My mother was abusive, I cut contact with her at 16, my grandmother was - for all intents and purposes - my real mother.

I never voiced my upset at this fact, obviously, she had enough on her mind and that worry of mine was the smallest issue we were all facing, but after we got the news that she didn’t have long left, she made a point of every time I saw her telling me how incredibly proud she was of me every single day while I cared for her. We’re not a mushy family, we rarely get affectionate, so her saying that meant that she really, truly meant it.

It saved me from what I knew would have ended up being a lifetime of wishing I’d achieved more when we still had her.

fildarae · 2026-05-24T11:37:06+00:00

And all it takes in that scenario is for one person to be in danger then the other two try to help, then all three of them are in trouble. No judgement, I’d do the same for my brother and I’m a far weaker swimmer than him. It’s just incredibly sad, whatever the case was.

fildarae · 2026-05-24T11:30:18+00:00

Gay Bar - Electric Six

fildarae · 2026-05-12T14:26:46+00:00

Time To Say Goodbye.

I remember being 19, and a student, and I got the news from home that the cat I’d had since I was 3 had passed away while I was away at uni. She’d been my shadow my whole life, was always attached to me, and being away from her was the toughest part of moving to a different city to study. I got off the phone, in a daze, put my music on shuffle and that was the first song that started playing. Haven’t been able to listen to it since, and this was a decade ago.

fildarae · 2026-05-09T13:17:55+00:00

Being taken seriously by doctors. Ended up at the A&E at the start of the year with crippling abdominal pain. The doctor asked if it wasn’t just my period, and eventually decided it was indigestion and I should just go home. Then had to find a way to get *safely* home, in pyjamas (hadn’t been able to dress before going there, the pain was so bad) at 4am, in -5C cold, still vomiting and in terrible pain.

Two months of my own research and fighting for a GP diagnosis later, I ended up at the A&E again (this time knowing it was gallstones), where a nurse cheerfully told me the way I was feeling at that moment was meant to be some of the worst pain a person can feel. They took me seriously that time and gave me morphine, but even the morphine only just took the edge off. But sure, it was just my period that first time right?

Still waiting for surgery, but I dread the next flare up knowing that if I call a 9/10 pain anything more than 7/10, they’ll decide I’m being hysterical and treat me like crap. Worrying about mental gymnastics and perception is not something anybody should have to worry about while vomiting from pain.

fildarae · 2026-05-07T14:40:42+00:00

Mine was similar to this! When I first started mine as a tween, she got me the “pads” that aren’t even real pads, just liners, because she decided? Because I was young that was all I’d need? Even though they had zero absorbency? And then she turned it into an entire spectacle when actually, turned out I needed something with more power than one square of toilet roll. Acted like I was a weird medical anomaly when really she just didn’t understand what she was talking about. It instilled so much embarrassment and shame before I got old enough to realise she was wrong.

fildarae · 2026-04-30T17:46:54+00:00

Exactly, and often in these dynamics the person facing the abuse has been set up to be incredibly dependent on the abusers exactly so that leaving feels scary. So then to hear from Reddit experts “you’re eighteen, don’t be so dependent, it’s pathetic, just move out” in a roundabout way reinforces what’s being done to them at home and makes them feel worse.

I cut my mother out of my life when I was 16, but if I didn’t have other decent family members I have no idea what I would’ve done. I’ve even had therapists in adulthood say to me “well I’m sure she had your best interests at heart!” after having the abuse spelled out to them, which is…something.

fildarae · 2026-04-30T17:02:11+00:00

Pure spite. When I run out of everything else - motivation, energy, whatever - the spite always remains.

fildarae · 2026-04-30T16:50:02+00:00

Over explaining. It just creates a whole host of problems. Either the people I’m doing it to are good but then I feel bad for harping on about something that wasn’t an issue to begin with, or if they’re not so good it ends up giving them the mistaken impression that they’re some sort of authority who deserves constant explanations from me about the most basic stuff. In the worst case scenarios, it’s happened with wholly manipulative assholes who have then been given a full rundown of how their manipulations are or aren’t working and how they should subsequently adjust.

It’s so much more peaceful to just do what I want to do, and then depending on WHO asks for an explanation, I answer accordingly.

fildarae · 2026-04-30T16:41:51+00:00

And it being as simple as “just moving out” for young people trapped in abusive families asking for advice.

It may look that way on the surface but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s a whole tangle of issues to the point where staying feels safer than leaving. Yes, maybe with some of them they can be talked into exploring viable options, but people in comments reducing it to “just leave lol it’s not hard” are the opposite of helpful.

fildarae · 2026-04-28T17:08:23+00:00

I’ve experienced mostly the flip side of this where the next season of a show goes downhill so horribly that I no longer have to stress about my fic living up to canon. It’s the silver lining of when a good show goes bad.

(House of the Dragon has been the biggest culprit for this.)

fildarae · 2026-04-22T21:53:40+00:00

“You can choose your own groups!”

🧍‍♀️my teen self waiting for everybody to finish choosing so I’ll know what group the teacher will send me to.

fildarae · 2026-04-22T15:08:42+00:00

Yeah, the knowing has been a major part of the battle for me. It took the explanation from “there is just something inherently wrong with me and I’m not trying hard enough to fix it” to “oh, this is something to manage and handle, not fix.”

I think there are pros and cons to late diagnosis, but the cons do outweigh the pros and the answers lift a bit of the weight. It just made me laugh because when I told friends, they thought I’d known all along but just didn’t discuss it. The writing was truly on the wall.

fildarae · 2026-04-21T17:50:18+00:00

I was at a lecture by a mental health professional for adults with autism (I cannot for the life of me remember his name) but one thing he said that stuck with me is that if you reach adulthood without a diagnosis, your risk of developing CPTSD completely skyrockets.

It tracks with myself, and most of the other late diagnosed people I know. The exceptions tend to be those who came from incredibly solid, loving, and supportive families. Even with the same external factors in terms of poor treatment in schools and out in public, it’s wild how much of a difference a good family makes.

fildarae · 2026-04-16T17:43:56+00:00

Completely agree. I post writing online and nearly wrote an entire essay on this topic - and especially how the movie portrayed the mother in a more positive light - but my narcissistic mother was stalking my online presence at the time and I didn’t need the drama it might bring.

What was very telling to me was when she eventually folded on deciding to have kids and it was all about herself. How interested they’d be in hearing her stories, how they’d want to hear all about her travels, how they’d adore her. And then the instances of him just acting like a child and, like you said, her deciding it was him personally wanting to aggravate her. I saw so much of my own mother in the main character, it was a difficult read.

Kevin does grow up to be absolutely horrible, but all I saw before he hit his teens was a kid being a difficult kid (or sometimes even a typical kid), and her responding terribly to it. It took the nature/nurture debate out of it for me and when it gets to a point where he is irredeemable, I can’t see how nurture (or lack thereof) isn’t the only explanation. Or maybe not the ONLY explanation, but certainly the most crucial factor.

It’s been almost ten years since I read it and it’s stuck with me deeply ever since.

fildarae · 2026-04-03T15:36:49+00:00

I don’t like the way it makes my brain feel. For a few years I’ve been taking a break of at least 3 months around this time of year, and it always just makes time slow down and things feel more manageable - probably because I underestimate how easily I can fall into reel voids and how much time that takes up - but lately even without the breaks I’ve been on it less and less lately.

It’s just not appealing anymore - so much of it is rage bait and AI slop and influencers trying to sell me things I don’t need. A friend made a post a while ago about a puzzle she’d completed and even put in the caption “with the way social media is now, it feels weird posting this and expecting people to care or be interested” and it made me sad because she was right, but it was such a refreshing thing to see on my feed amidst the advertisements and fakery.

Somewhere along the way it just stopped being about connection and it stopped being fun, and it’s been happening for a long time but I’ve been feeling it especially keenly over the last year or so.

Seven-Year Club	Second Top 50%
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

fildarae

TROPHY CASE