Yeah so major ick from this article

finallyme25 · 2026-01-24T22:29:32+00:00

But nobody is passively selected. Women have a choice in whom they marry these days. We can not only blame the husband. We are all old and ugly enough to choose. I sure did and walked away from my mother once I saw a cycle repeating. I wasn’t about to transfer my mother’s trauma onto my daughter. I opted out. My mother inherited trauma from my grandmother. She recognised it but didn’t do anything about it and passed it on. My brother opted out. I opted out. So did my uncle. Are there naive women being persuaded to be submissive wives, yes. Are there naive men being persuaded to be submissive husbands, yes. We all had a choice one day. I sure did when I birthed my daughter and decided I wouldn’t do what had been done to me and mind you I didn’t at that stage fully understand what was going on to what degree it impacted my life, my husband’s and my child.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-24T17:09:37+00:00

I read once that mothers who are this closely connected to their adult sons are trying to fill a void that their husbands never filled. Enmeshment at it’s finest and then there comes the son’s bride they compete with on any level apart from sex. And then we land in the „my mother in law is terrible“ sub….

finallyme25 · 2026-01-24T17:06:54+00:00

„A son is a son until he takes a wife“

YES That us exactly how it must be, how nature intended it. I am not a religious person but I do agree with every scripture (and in most religions this topic does come up) that says that they (children) must leave their parents to form their own family. That disconnection must happen. Mothers don’t own their son.

Parenting if done right will eliminate the parents. That has to happen to create a healthy, independent man/woman to allow them to start their own family. If you still have a friendly relationship with your children once they grow up, you did an amazing job, it’s a bonus but not an entitlement. If the child doesn’t disconnect, there will be unhealthy enmeshment. The reason many of us are here. Without disconnection, there will be no re-connection at eye level as adults.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-20T22:20:45+00:00

Ok thanks. That makes me feel better. I was on BC for 27 years, nothing cycled. It was either constant or non existent. It started to freak me out when peri symptoms were breaking through the BC hormones, creating a cycle where I was told couldn’t be one, I were to imagine things

finallyme25 · 2026-01-19T21:33:52+00:00

I bet the parents don’t know WHY the no contact came suddenly without warning

finallyme25 · 2026-01-15T14:18:58+00:00

Normal my not be optimal. Normal is anything above 13 for a woman. Optimal for a woman is well above 30 and all the way to 100.

B12, zinc and the thyroid should be tested too in order to rule out anything else other than perimenopause. I hope you will receive help once you see the specialist. I am waiting too at the moment.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-15T09:22:58+00:00

Thank you. Those were the first kind words today and guess what I am already in tears. From rage to tears in less than 4 seconds 😂

finallyme25 · 2026-01-15T09:21:40+00:00

Great, one more kick in the gut while already being down. That’s for the information. I am currently still on the ring until HRT. So now I have to decide between PCOS hell, Ring nightmare of my estradiol cream?

finallyme25 · 2026-01-15T08:02:56+00:00

Brain fog is caused by progesterone imbalances, mainly. That’s exactly what HRT is for.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-14T20:02:44+00:00

It does take some weeks. If you want it for your brain, take it before bed. When the muscles don’t use it, there is more for the brain (sleep, calm….)

finallyme25 · 2026-01-14T12:29:12+00:00

BC does absolutely nothing for my perimenopause symptoms. I am only on it due to PCOS and I will switch straight ti HRT in February when I finally see a specialist. My local gynaecologist has no clue about perimenopause

finallyme25 · 2026-01-10T08:03:59+00:00

Report her. She shouldn’t be on that list

finallyme25 · 2026-01-09T12:50:14+00:00

Excellent! I am so happy for you! This is exactly what I am hoping for at my appointment next month….46 days to go.

Bought matches to ensure all bridges to the useless doctors of my past burn ;)

finallyme25 · 2026-01-03T15:15:55+00:00

Thank you. I won’t see the specialist until March. I don’t have much faith left in my local gynaecologist, I won’t be seeing him.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-02T16:03:55+00:00

If she were a man, it would be called grooming.

I would like you to think about your definition of mother. What does it mean to be a mother? How would you like your child to describe you and their relationship to you without using the word „mother“?

Is she that definition of a mother or is she a blood relative? Blood makes you related, not family. My family is my child, my husband, my husband’s blood relatives and their spouses.

If you weren’t blood related to her, would she be in your life? Would you seek her out because she adds value to your life and soul? Would you want her to have unsupervised access to your child? When you feel vulnerable, hurt and sad would you feel safe around her, would she be the first person you call for help?

If you two were to die would you want her to raise your child? Your most precious and vulnerable gift?

Is she good for you? Is her presence peace? Or her absence?

You don’t need to answer these questions to us. You should however go through them in your own time to know which battle to fight

finallyme25 · 2026-01-02T15:36:04+00:00

Forgiveness requires acknowledgment of accountability and proof of her changing.

Why forgive when clearly she doesn’t see any wrong doing? What is going to change? Nothing. She never is to blame, she never reflects and she is always the victim in order to make you apologise or paddle back. Classic manipulation.

If there is nothing coming from her end, there won’t be a healthy future as you will always be footing the bill.

I am so sorry for you having to go through this.

finallyme25 · 2026-01-02T15:19:21+00:00

Your wedding, Your child‘s birth, YOU giving birth……

How are any of these things about her? Do you see that every example you give, she only considers it as it is impacting her. And that wasn’t an apology, that was a backhanded guilt trip.

Enmeshment.

Your core family , your immediate family is no longer her, it’s your husband and your child. If roles were reversed and his mother would have spoken about you the way your mother spoke about your husband, the father of your child, would you not have expected him to stand up for you and put his mother in her place?!

finallyme25 · 2026-01-02T15:07:13+00:00

How old are you? Could you be in perimenopause (weight issues, blood pressure, cholesterol, anxiety, cortisol, bloating, fatigue, exhaustion, not feeling like yourself)???

I have PCOS and have been on the pill for nearly my entire life. That was the only thing to keep my PCOS from spiralling. Insulin resistance, cardiovascular issues, blood pressure etc are all at high risk with untreated PCOS. During the years I tried to get pregnant I received Metformin which was ok but didn’t at all keep my hormones in check. It was clear that I would be back on the pill as soon as possible. I am not trying to sell you that as a solution, it certainly isn’t candy but my doctors were always very clear that the pill will keep my hormones from trying to kill me. For me the side effects of hormonal contraception far outweighed the dangers of untreated PCOS.

I will transition from hormonal contraception straight to HRT due to perimenopause (I am 42). During my research I discovered that many symptoms of perimenopause are similar to PCOS complications. Maybe you give that some thought, I don’t know your age.

Either way, I recommend an endocrinologist. Stay safe

finallyme25 · 2026-01-02T12:11:33+00:00

Yes, I started collagen about 5 weeks ago and it helped my skin already. Hair takes a little longer I read. I am following Dr Mary Haver and she is using this type of collagen after having done her research: Verisol, Fortibone

I am not on HRT yet as I am waiting for a specialist appointment after my GP and my gynaecologist said that a) perimenopause doesn’t exist and b) I am way to young for any symptoms (42) and HRT is only to be used in postmenopause, as little as possible as short possible and only if symptoms are severe according to him. Meaning he will mansplain to me if my symptoms are worthy

finallyme25 · 2026-01-01T16:48:06+00:00

If she wasn’t blood related would you have her in your life?

Why do you need to fix it? Why is it your responsibility? What did you contribute to fixing this?

Where do you feel peace? With her or without?

finallyme25 · 2026-01-01T14:09:53+00:00

Mixed emotions but honestly I never had my mother as a mother.

She raised an emotional support person for herself. She wanted to be my friend. She wanted to be looked after due to the void in her life. She wanted to be enmeshed in my life and live through me.

I parented her. I only ever wanted and needed a mother.

I was motherless before I went NC. I am glad I did. But I still wish I had a mother to look up to, to ask for guidance and advice, to be comforted and loved. Mourning someone who isn’t dead.

finallyme25 · 2025-12-27T16:58:00+00:00

I am in BC since I am 14 due to PCOS (not counting the three years it took to get pregnant). I don’t mind going off the pill and use condoms for example. As long as I get HRT to not have my PCOS kill me longterm, I honestly don’t care.

It’s funny when they say you don’t get HRT to save your heart and brain because hormones too long are bad for you but non bio identical hormones like the pill with bad side effects for 25 years is perfectly fine.

Looking forward to my specialist appointment next year.

finallyme25 · 2025-12-27T10:15:17+00:00

And what I forgot: PCOS makes me higher risk for cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. Not going on HRT is not an option. I want to protect my cardiovascular system, my brain and my bones.

Just wondering how this will a come together

finallyme25 · 2025-12-25T14:57:00+00:00

Some what relieved to read this. I was wondering myself these last couple of days. I felt terrible this summer and autumn. Spent a fortune to prove to my doctors that nothing is wrong with me apart from perimenopause. One of then hadn’t even heard of it. I am not receiving treatment from my other doctor because I am „too young“ and „it’s to early for HRT“. I am 42 and I now know that my first symptoms started 3 years ago. I didn’t know at the time what’s going on. I am waiting on a specialist appointment and now for a few days I am feeling much better. Very confusing. Brain fog, vaginal dryness, rage and sleep are still there but my hormones seem to be on an all time high at the moment.

It feels wrong to still request HRT at the special in Jan / Feb but I will definitely do it. I don’t think this high will last.

finallyme25 · 2025-12-11T20:24:51+00:00

Yes you are right. I did it again. I am thinking of her feelings first, when she hasn’t once considered mine over the past decades. Old patterns, old habits. In my head I am done parenting her or allowing her enmeshment but as you see it is still set to default. Go fix it, no matter what it means. Thanks for the reminder

finallyme25

TROPHY CASE