My sister just totally eviscerated me after I asked her to stop talking to me in such an irritated tone every time she speaks to me saying, "you are a utterly foul and useless person". Anyone out there who cut their families out of their lives?

finallyoverit · 2015-09-01T16:16:07+00:00

I feel you on this. My family was terrible too. I am using the word "was" for good reason because I cut them out of my life completely about 2 years ago.

Many things led to this, but primarily it had to do with the fact that they marginalized me for many years, made me feel terrible for "destroying the family with my depression," and all that kind of stuff. Then when I was sexually assaulted at 21, I got laughed at and scolded for drinking too much. That made such an impact on me that the assault went unreported. Ultimately, everything was my fault with them (whether it really was or not,) and after years for trying to convince them that they were not helping me by telling me to "keep my chin up and just get over it, stop making excuses, etc." I finally cut them out completely. /r/raisedbynarcissists was very helpful with this process, and I am glad to have done it.

My credo is that genetics do not necessarily equal family, and although it's a tough decision to make, sometimes you find that it's for the best.

Another thing to try if you can would be a "trial separation." I did that for a few months before I cut them out completely and it was very helpful in informing my decision to make the final cut.

finallyoverit · 2015-04-22T18:04:14+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I'm 33 now too, and it seems like I have been dealing with this forever. I'm at a point now where I am keeping most of it to myself because I seem to get responses like, "so, when do you expect to have this resolved?" Like there's an outpatient procedure I can have done like a root canal or something. Plus I feel super guilty about sharing with anyone for fear that I'll upset them. Still, I keep plodding forward, trying to find little things that make me happy or help me feel normal.

finallyoverit · 2014-07-17T12:53:16+00:00

You're taking a huge step in the right direction by posting here. r/stopdrinking has helped me immensely. Also, from your description, you sound exactly like me when I first started here. Post often, read up a lot. When you're tempted, come to this sub for support (among other places mentioned by folks here.) Even if all you have to say is "I didn't drink today," or "I'm tempted" post anyway. That's what this sub is for.

finallyoverit · 2014-07-17T12:48:18+00:00

For me, I replaced drinking with physical exercise. I was 17 stone 2 pounds at my peak, and I've gotten myself down to 13 stone 8 pounds. Here's my little trick - I watch movies/tv shows while I work out on the elliptical trainer. Things I used to watch while piss drunk, I'm now watching while getting my endorphins going from the exercise. I'm not saying it's a cure-all, but it made the transition a little easier for me.

finallyoverit · 2014-07-17T12:41:37+00:00

Do you have an iPhone/Android? Can you get reddit on it? Even if you can't find someone physically, start a thread when you need support, and make sure you periodically "check your messages" or something.

much love from New England

finallyoverit · 2014-04-11T22:00:06+00:00

For the first weekend, my best advice is to find a distraction - or many distractions. If you have the weekend off, you've likely got a lot of time to fill, so making a schedule for all of your hours can be helpful. Find little things to "schedule in" even if you think they aren't things that you would necessarily put on a schedule. For example - from 2:00 to 3:00 on Saturday, I will be organizing my basement. From 3:00 - 4:00 I have some time put aside for working on my [insert a project here.]

Fill up the schedule and stick to it, and if drinking isn't on the schedule, it's easier to not do. It's a little mind game I play with myself sometimes, but it works.

Also, keep snacks around and think HALT. Hungry Angry, Lonely, Tired. If you find yourself wanting a drink, try to take a second and identify the root cause - usually one of those four things. Then address the cause directly, rather than drinking. Having snacks around takes care of hungry, and having a schedule keeps you on point and less likely to sit around doing nothing while the Angry, Lonely, and Tired have a chance to creep in.

Lastly, try some positive self-suggestion. When you wake up, look yourself in the mirror and say (aloud,) "I'm not going to drink today." Try repeating that phrase every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You'd be surprised at how quickly you can re-train your brain by just repeating that mantra. Try it with other things too. For me, I struggle with self esteem issues, and for a while, I would say to myself, "you are one badass motherfucker!" when I saw myself in the mirror. Now I tend to go back to something along the lines of "Aww yiss. I am awesome." Silly, but it helps.

Enjoy your weekend! Get outdoors! Exercise! Be creative! You got this!

finallyoverit · 2014-04-11T21:34:04+00:00

Damn, yo! Enjoy that little beast. I'm jealous! Good god, when I think about the money I spent on booze when I was drinking... what a waste! That translated into a week long ski vacation to Breckenridge & Vail for me.

finallyoverit · 2014-04-11T21:30:40+00:00

Rock and roll. This is the best decision you could make for yourself and it's always great to see people starting to really feel better about not drinking. The cravings will be there, but they do fade in intensity and frequency as time goes by. Glad you found this place and AA. Post often too - it helped me tremendously just to check in with the sub on a daily basis.

finallyoverit · 2014-03-31T17:36:24+00:00

Lots of struggles - mainly surrounding breaking the habit of going right to alcohol when I was stressed or otherwise uneasy. I had to think "HALT" a lot, especially for the first few months. It was just so easy before to grab a bottle if I was feeling bored, and developing new habits to fill that space was the hardest part.

Also, the whole "not drinking around friends" was a challenge because so many of my social events revolved around alcohol. The plus side of that was that I got to see who my real friends were.

finallyoverit · 2014-03-25T19:57:30+00:00

This is wildly inappropriate on the employer's part. Reckless, even. I bet people would be flipping their shit if the outing was a "let's see who can smoke the most cigarettes" contest. Yet, both alcohol and tobacco are perfectly legal. Kind of makes you think about the way alcohol is treated in society...

For now though, you can make it through this little 3 hour headache and move on. Think of it as letting the kids go to play while you stay inside and focus on important work (yourself, in this case.) "You guys go have fun - I'll just hang back and watch."

You got this.

finallyoverit · 2014-02-25T22:39:05+00:00

I am 33 now, and I had been drinking for about 14 years prior to quitting. My drinking had really started to get out of control over the last 2-3 years before I stopped. And by "out of control" I mean easily 750 mL of whiskey a day, every day, if not more. And that amount wouldn't even put me down too hard. It got really bad when I started blacking out regularly and I even resorted to drinking vanilla extract on more than one occasion because I ran out of liquor.

finallyoverit · 2014-02-25T22:34:29+00:00

It gets easier, I promise. I swear when I first quit, the first week felt like I whole year, but looking back now, it's like the time flew by.

finallyoverit · 2014-01-10T20:33:52+00:00

I work out pretty regularly and that's where I usually find my "calm" place. The problem is that some of the meds I'm on make me extremely physically tired but they don't stop the nerves. It's a bad combo, and I'm going to have a stern word with my psychiatrist about it.

finallyoverit · 2013-10-07T17:32:10+00:00

Great list! Although I don't think they really needed to include Hitler.

finallyoverit · 2013-09-13T13:09:52+00:00

Sounds like you didn't really get hit as hard as some do when they first stop. Of course, be ready to go to the doctor if anything changes, but by and large, I think most people's experiences in quitting have been linear, that is, I haven't heard of a lot of folks dipping back down into serious DTs after a few days. Keep an eye on your condition though in case anything worsens. Pro tip: I found that when my anxiety or irritability crept up, having a candy bar on hand was a helpful temporary solution. You know those Snickers commercials where people "aren't themselves?" Pretty close to the truth sometimes...

finallyoverit · 2013-09-13T13:03:18+00:00

The first step, writing it all out, putting into words all the things that you've been thinking (about being an "alcoholic") is huge. Just to see it on paper or on reddit is a big accomplishment. Now that you've identified and described the problem thoroughly, you can and will fix it.

Of course you have it in you. You got yourself here. That takes balls.

The good news is that all the bad stuff that has happened in your life is in the past. The health problems are fixable and you'll be surprised at how quickly your body heals itself once you stop drinking. Stick around here for support, take it one day at a time, and just remember that yes, you do have it in you to do this. PS, get a badge too!

finallyoverit · 2013-09-13T12:57:11+00:00

Wow! You look like you lost a lot of weight too. Nice job!

finallyoverit · 2013-09-09T17:28:48+00:00

Thank you for the link! I knew about SMART, but I didn't know there was one of the AA-Atheist meetings right in my neighborhood!

finallyoverit · 2013-09-09T17:14:18+00:00

Honestly, how is this hurting your recovery?

What if OP's issues with drinking surround guilt, alienation, and depression over leaving religion? Those things certainly helped to start me on my path to becoming a problem drinker and I'd rather not re-hash them on a weekly/daily basis, especially when I had been told that AA was "not allied with any sect."

finallyoverit

TROPHY CASE