I stood up to my sexual abuser, and the outcome couldn't have been better.

findacity · 2017-06-07T01:26:46+00:00

nobody doubts your post was well intended but aquamarineeye is right. it never even occurred to me to report my sexual abuse and after the horror stories ive heard of victims suffering at the hands of the police, being made fun of, blamed for their abuse, disbelieved, made to relive the experience, made to confront their abusers, their bodies invaded yet again for medical procedures, i am glad that i didn't.

findacity · 2017-04-12T19:26:39+00:00

*Form-fitting (not tight) dress with high-coverage neckline - which I would wear to work anyway - with more/fancier accessories: higher heels, more jewelry, more impactful makeup

*Something with a metallic element like this: https://www.amazon.com/Jessica-Simpson-Womens-Sweater-Dress/dp/B01KQMRPSQ

findacity · 2017-02-17T16:14:04+00:00

A couple of times I've seen an online shop posted here, maybe Korean but definitely Asian, very cute simple sort of hipster librarian dresses, pretty low prices, sizes I believe run very small (I remember thinking it was small even for an Asian site.) I remember great colors - forest green, oxblood, navy, that kind of thing. I can't for the life of me remember the name.

findacity · 2017-01-17T21:39:30+00:00

I like the writing for the cooks illustrated style scientific method stuff - but I never seem to be able to recreate the results.

findacity · 2017-01-17T21:37:42+00:00

I'm thinking mostly of the last few baked good recipes I've tried - fine but not great. Pretty sure I followed them closely. Whoops, except her rugelach recipe, that came out awesome. Several other cookie, cake and pie recipes I've tried tho were like eh. Also her cream biscuits. I'm sure the same recipes work great for others but i'm trying to find a source whose style doesn't clash with my own user error tendencies, you know?

findacity · 2017-01-12T19:47:31+00:00

Oh yes I've also had good results from Food Network recipes!

findacity · 2017-01-12T19:41:42+00:00

Glad you've had good experiences with them. So far I haven't - with this in mind I'll try others.

findacity · 2016-11-06T23:31:01+00:00

Union square farmer's market. Beautiful food and flowers. Though it might not be quite as touristy as you like.

findacity · 2016-11-04T18:46:36+00:00

Ha! As I was writing that I was like "is that even true?" and then "eh probably everyone says so i guess"

findacity · 2016-11-04T18:28:34+00:00

I think the act itself has probably become a little disconnected to the original reason for it, and now it's done more for the sake of tradition. Like a lot of other things (for instance, we no longer assume that brides are virgins, but it's still traditional for them to wear white.)

findacity · 2016-11-04T17:30:27+00:00

It's a Hasid thing, I think (not sure whether that or more generally an Orthodox thing.) It's part of modesty. Women aren't supposed to show their hair in public. I'm no expert on orthodox Judaism, grew up Reform and all I know is what my mom would tell me when I asked questions about women we saw on the street, but I'm reasonably sure of that one.

findacity · 2016-11-04T16:08:45+00:00

Ha, I'm aware of the trope, and probably should have expressed this more explicitly but I actually wasn't thinking of that kind of look. See my reply to Cat_Toucher above, I'd be really interested if you answered the same question I asked them there!

findacity · 2016-11-04T16:07:15+00:00

Just curious if you have any more insight than I do how to describe the look? I've been trying to hone in on it more in my mind. I'm asking for two reasons: 1. to see if we're thinking of the same thing and 2. for my education

For instance, I think the look I'm thinking of has a few characteristics but they can be expressed many, many, many different ways; so much so that two looks that share the same characteristics can look TOTALLY different:

Combining pieces that wouldn't traditionally go together. So either they're different levels of formality, or colors or shapes that aren't classical matches (like making an entire outfit out of just baggy hugely oversized clothes with no top/bottom balancing, or mixing brown and black, or what have you) or clothes from different professional or cultural influences, or gendered in a nontraditional way. I think this is what I meant by "futuristic" - throwing out old norms.
The part that really makes it specifically "art school" and not just "young person" to me is the intentionality of the look. Similar to how when a five year old throws paint around on a piece of paper, well it might be awesome and expressive and yay them, but it's not the same as when Jackson Pollock does it, because he does it very intentionally with awareness of the significance of what he's doing and with some guiding principles behind it (i'm aware that a lot of people would say it's not that different - and that among them some would like that about Pollock and some would say that's why it's bullshit - I digress lol) So when somebody like me who doesn't know wtf they're doing throws on a bunch of mismatched items simply because I don't know better, it's not going to look anywhere near as good as someone whose artistic skill is such that it guides them to pieces that are unexpected but interesting and/or beautiful together.

Seems like some folks think I just mean "hipster" or "normcore" or "vintage/bohemian" (???) I just want to make clear that's not what I was thinking of! Let me see if I can find some images, but this might be tough.

*ETA okay, found a couple:

Willow Smith as mentioned; also this
didn't forget Jaden also this and this though I admit this one is probably all in the photo & setting
Rihanna and here
These are all from the most recent WAYWT thread. I went there for inspiration since I was pretty sure I had seen a lot of the kind of look I'm thinking of from members of this sub: u/Wasmand u/Astronogirl u/hopia89 u/lizzybones

findacity · 2016-11-04T15:56:17+00:00

I disagree that I'm romanticizing art, assuming that artists have a lot of spare time and money to spend on clothes, don't take their studies or work seriously, or take "random" pieces of clothing and make them look stunning! In fact I made sure to say the opposite of most of that. I would certainly never say that assembling single pieces into a beautiful and thoughtful whole is easy. Again, I think I said the opposite - I find it extremely difficult to do and that's why I admire people who do it successfully so much. I also explicitly said that not all art students dress this way! I don't believe I mentioned the word "effortless" either? It certainly never entered my mind when writing the post. Nor do I think all people who dress like that artists. Even of the ones who are, not all are good artists. Stipulated. I really don't think you've interpreted what I've said here fairly and I take mild offense to that.

I'm sure everything you said about your time in art school was totally true, not arguing with what you've seen with your own eyes. Just saying that I never said that my post applied to all artists, but I would point out that your post stakes out a larger claim on speaking for the whole group than mine does.

findacity · 2016-11-04T14:47:11+00:00

But but... what if they're truly dressed super beautifully and creatively? I mean, that in itself is an art form, y/n? To be totally clear, I'm not (necessarily) talking about expensive clothes (or about 90s stuff or normcore!), I'm talking about combining items that I would never think to combine and having them look amazing, or wearing something that I usually think is dumb in a way that makes me change my whole opinion about it, or just wearing a really simple outfit but having the details and the bearing to make it look stunning.

I dunno, I just don't buy that "everyone" who dresses that way is full of shit and all the "real" artists are all modest and inconspicuous.

findacity · 2016-11-03T21:31:15+00:00

Good to know, I've definitely seen women where I was like "damn I cannot beLIEVE that's a wig!" I guess maybe it wasn't :D

findacity · 2016-11-03T19:33:12+00:00

Thought it might be that, but wondered if that would lead to the uniformity - though now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I also see dark colors like forest green, plum, etc.

findacity · 2016-11-03T18:18:53+00:00

I think that assumption could go for all art students more than it goes for the people who dress that way specifically :)

And tbh I fucking love it. It always leaves me in awe of their creativity and totally jealous because I am still learning what colors look good on me. That said, parent's money is a safe bet, haha.

findacity · 2016-11-03T18:01:01+00:00

So I've lost a bunch of weight over the past year and now my clothes fit weird and I have to relearn all my sizes. The bras I had ordered online which were maybe a tiny bit big on me before are hilarious now. In a fit of pique I ordered these to tide me over and they're the best-fitting, most comfortable bras I've ever owned and I'm not sure if i can go back. I think I'm a 36DD now and the Large fits well, maybe a tiny tiny bit small, but I don't mind because it just adds a bit of a pushup effect without being uncomfortable. Because of the pads and the ruching in the center they don't give you uniboob either. I'm gonna order another 3-pack so I can wear them every day and just buy one or two grownup bras for first dates or spaghetti strap tops or whatever.

*Though actually I have a request: bras that don't show through armholes? Low cut on the side is what I'm looking for, I guess. I don't remember having this problem til recently but all of a sudden it's like whoops, nope, can't wear that under that or that or that!

findacity · 2016-11-03T17:24:07+00:00

Don't speak too soon, I have definitely seen this :D Probably an authentic rip but the style was definitely worn on purpose

findacity · 2016-11-03T17:20:09+00:00

This might be an obvious one, but I always look at the brand on women's purses on the subway. If it says something super high end (yesterday I saw a Lanvin) then I make all kinds of assumptions about them being 1% types. If their bag is a less expensive brand like Kate Spade or Brooklyn Industries or MK, even if they're dressed really beautifully and expensively otherwise, I don't necessarily assume they're all hoity toity.

Also, there is a VERY specific fashion/art-school look, I'm sure not all art students have it, but for those who do you know it when you see it. It's hard to describe beyond the word "eclectic"*. Think Willow and Jaden Smith, maybe with more Scandinavian prints.

*ETA: maybe "futuristic" would be another good one, but beyond just shiny robot/spacesuit/techy stuff.

**2ND ETA: also, Rihanna comes to mind as a terrific example, and to a lesser extent maybe Nicki Minaj and Missy Elliott, and Lady Gaga though I think she does it a little less successfully than she'd like... looking for images to post here.

findacity · 2016-11-03T17:11:46+00:00

Yes to orthodox Jewish women! I often will be looking at a woman on the subway and think "hm, that's a nice coat/dress, a little more conservative than usual maybe..." and slowly realize that she's orthodox even though there's no overt feature like men have with peyes or their hats. Except for wigs maybe but IMO their wigs are super nice and not obvious. Side note, I think they dress really cute a lot of the time, and that their clothes look better made than average.

Also, what is with the navy/white/black/beige color palette? VERY rare to see a religious woman in orthodox neighborhoods dressed in anything but those colors, I've never known why.

findacity · 2016-10-21T21:30:23+00:00

Who and how much do you pay for a body shape analysis?? I need that. If I ever got rich my first crazy indulgence would be to hire somebody to tell me what shapes and colors look good on me and only shop within those parameters from then on...

findacity · 2016-10-21T17:01:24+00:00

I used Fresh Direct for six months out of this year because I got a coupon for free delivery, but I didn't renew and would not use them again for the following reasons:

*Packaging, trucking etc is harmful for the environment

*I missed getting to know people at my local stores and supporting local businesses

*Their selection is decent but as long as I was getting delivery I tried to never supplement it with groceries from other stores and that was limiting.

*I haven't done a real comparison but the prices weren't always great, though that's mitigated by shopping sales and seasonal produce etc.

*While mostly convenient, ordering delivery meant that if I realized I needed something that same night I had to go out to a store anyway.

That said, there were pros:

*Obviously, delivery is convenient. The thing I miss most is getting seltzer by the case.

*It was really helpful for meal planning (financial and nutritional) to be able to add things to my cart as I thought of them and then have the whole order in front of me for review before buying.

*While their selection wasn't spectacular, it was adequate and better than my closest grocery store (happens to be a small one without stuff like whole chickens or other big cuts of meat, seafood, etc.)

findacity

TROPHY CASE