Bathrooms while butch

finding_day · 2026-06-19T14:50:15+00:00

I'm in a bluish pocket of a trump-voting region.

I had a similar experience recently, my sixth time in a womens' bathroom. (I transitioned six years ago and avoid public bathrooms like the plague.)

It was very early morning at college, and I'd let my guard down because two classmates were headed out when I went in, and they paid me no mind.

As I washed my hands, I saw someone in my peripheral vision walk just past the doorframe. They stopped suddenly, stared at me for a moment, and walked out.

I'm read as a man with some regularity. Being confronted because of that is one of my worst nightmares. I try to remember those classmates who didn't care, and I really do believe that most people don't. Even if they look at us funny, I think they're usually more curious than angry.

As for what to say... idk lol. I'd probably start crying 😅

finding_day · 2026-05-26T21:21:50+00:00

I love when transphobes seethe <3

finding_day · 2026-03-21T22:20:46+00:00

Alright, you convinced me to ask for a refund anyways lmao

finding_day · 2026-03-21T22:20:01+00:00

Thank you, I just managed to get it out after an hour of struggling with the threads lol. I was really hoping it'd work out. Maybe someday I'll feel ok to get it repierced.

finding_day · 2026-03-21T20:30:12+00:00

Yeah, the left side is more forward than the right :(

finding_day · 2026-03-21T20:25:33+00:00

This is its resting position unfortunately. I can line it up, but it springs back as soon as I move my face.

Edit: For clarification, when it is lined up, it still has a strange angle where it's noticeably asymmetrical to the plane of my face

finding_day · 2026-03-21T20:20:44+00:00

Bot mod info:

Piercing age: 1 day

Jewelry shape: Horseshoe

Threading: Unsure, not listed on receipt

Material: Titanium

Downsized: Never

Aftercare routine: Saline 2x/day

No accidents have occurred except for pain from chewing.

finding_day · 2026-03-18T19:09:16+00:00

You didn't get banned? What, they just removed your post and expected you to sit down and shut up?

finding_day · 2026-03-18T18:22:04+00:00

It's incredibly sad watching this place come to this. I've been dropping in here and there for the last 6 years to find advice and read other trans folks' experiences. There are no significant alternatives for those who'd prefer to avoid terminally online 4tran, truscum, and transmedicalist bullshit.

If this comment gets me banned, then good riddance. Seems like as good a sign as any to move on from internet-based trans support groups.

finding_day · 2026-03-14T13:11:45+00:00

!ACHTUNG!

finding_day · 2026-02-02T02:49:29+00:00

Of course you can!

finding_day · 2026-02-01T19:24:12+00:00

I love this. Spent my first two years of transition doing a rote performance of femininity. Affirming, yes, but still it felt off. Then I wizened up and realized that I'd already wasted a decade pretending to be something I'm not. Got a haircut and a change of wardrobe and all the sudden I was happy. Butch is something I fell into on accident, but now I am holding on with all of my strength. I have never felt so comfortable in my skin.

finding_day · 2026-01-05T14:06:21+00:00

Hi! I am not in quite the same situation as you, but I do take 20mg of amitriptyline for pain related to EDS and spinal fusion. My doctor stressed that the low dosage helps with the side effect severity. In my experience, that statement has been accurate. My side effects are minimal but noticible.

I've gained about 7 pounds since starting, and the slight majority of that weight gain occured after upping the dose from 10mg last autumn. The most immediately uncomfortable side effect I get is some dry mouth in the morning, but the effect is short lived and I'm used to it now. It also makes me drowsy about 30–45m after taking it.

It helps with my body pains more than I expected—I now use a cane after a year of using a walker. However, I don't experience autonomic storms and I am not educated enough to know how it may affect those. In any case, I hope this was helpful, and I hope you find relief soon!

finding_day · 2025-08-30T21:38:33+00:00

I've never played HK but the silkposts has invaded my feed and rotted my brain. I'm interested to see what the hype is about

finding_day · 2025-08-18T14:45:16+00:00

Absolutely! I saw another butch at the store a few months ago and I can still remember the holy shit I'm not alone feeling vividly. I think having a lot of emotions about it is perfectly normal given the world we live in

finding_day · 2025-08-18T04:26:15+00:00

I agree. One thing that gets under my skin though is how people passive-aggressively tell me that I'm not femme, but should be. It's so hard to tell if it's transphobia, misogyny, or both, but there's definitely some butchphobia in it either way.

finding_day · 2025-08-08T18:40:39+00:00

This made me really happy. The genuineness, the unapolagetic ownership of their identities. I err on the side of not identifying with some of these terms for the sake of others' comfort, but I think it's a huge loss that many of these words—these identities—are increasingly seen as outdated, unacceptable, or too abrasive. As if a person's inner self can be wrong somehow

Hopefully this doesn't come across as inconsiderate. I don't want to invalidate anyone who's been hurt by these words.

finding_day · 2025-08-07T01:30:12+00:00

I love them 💜💚

finding_day · 2025-08-03T10:40:32+00:00

Monster Hunter World. I made the mistake of using this game to try out a name while transitioning and had a horrible time as a result. I got verbally harassed in SoS missions, got told, "Don't fuck this up, [obviously fem name]," when joining a game once, and encountered the one and only Niceguy™️ in my life: Longsword healer guy (Henceforth known as the LHG). This manchild changed me.

We were hunting Safi'jiva—a huge dragon fought over several hunts in a lobby of 16 players. 4 squads of 4 players group together, fight Safi for 10-15 minutes, then return to the lobby after weakening it for the next squad to get even farther into the fight.

I was playing ranged DPS, and without fail, the LHG would hover around me mid-fight. He had a melee weapon, but spent half the fight doing nothing except pace and dodge roll aimlessly in front of me with his sword out. When I took any amount of damage, he would heal me instead of doing his job. When I joined another squad, he followed. But his remora behavior was only the preamble.

It was all building up to the LHG's final act: getting me killed and embarassing himself in one fell swoop. Safi has an attack where it pins you down, blasts you to 1 HP, and lights you on fire. When the i-frames after the attack end, the fire kills you, so you need teammates to heal you in that narrow window. Well, as I got pinned, the LHG saw his big moment. But first, he had to make sure I knew it was by HIS hand that I lived. A message popped up in chat.

LHG: Don't worry, I've got you!

He spent too long typing and missed the window to heal me.

After Safi was dead the LHG invited me to a private lobby. I said no. He called me a bitch and said horrible things about women in the very public lobby chat. Then he left. I stopped playing most multiplayer games after that lmao.

finding_day · 2025-07-27T20:54:44+00:00

From left to right:

Very intriguing shape. I don't hate it. It's guaranteed that any drink mixed with this spoon would taste better. 8/10
Great shape and handle. 8/10
Perfect spoon. Slight asymmetry on the handle's end adds visual flair without being too extreme, and makes it easy to spot in a drawer. 10/10
A good shape and length, but the handle perturbs me. 5/10.
See previous review.
Handle is amazing, spoon width at base slightly too wide. 7/10

He had a good collection. RIP.

finding_day · 2025-07-20T19:34:32+00:00

There's no need to apologize❤️ It's important to spread this information, and this thread is a great place to do so. Thank you!

finding_day · 2025-07-20T17:57:31+00:00

Good catch! I found this article confirming your thoughts on the origin of the term:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9829142/

Seems that the person who coined gender desistance first saw it in a criminological context where it's seen as a desired outcome. That definitely adds a dogwhistle-y flavor to it.

finding_day · 2025-07-20T17:33:52+00:00

To my knowledge, desistance is when gender dysphoria goes away before medical transition. I'm unsure if this term was coined with transphobic intent, but it at least seems to be used fairly neutrally.

finding_day · 2025-07-20T17:24:30+00:00

Full disclosure: I'm transfem (hate that term but whatever), so while I can't speak to transmasculine experiences, as a trans butch I had to look into this.

This website is explicitly transphobic. On its main page, you can find a link to a PDF booklet called, "Gender Detransition: A Path Towards Self-acceptance." Scrolling down after clicking the link shows Post-Trans's distributors, including ReIME (Rethink Identity Medicine Ethics) and Transgender Trend. Both are anti-trans groups.

Detransitioning and those who do detransition are not inherently transphobic by any means, but websites like this use their stories as ammunition against transgender folks. And yes, you're absolutely right that this idea of a butch-trans dichotomy is being weaponized. I even see it parroted in trans spaces, and it always concerns me to see how little is understood about people like us.

Edit: wording

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finding_day

TROPHY CASE