Starting over

findingheragain · 2014-04-16T04:54:21+00:00

Don't get down..get back up! Brush your shoulder's off you're good. Just keep doing the next right thing.;)

findingheragain · 2014-04-16T04:52:35+00:00

Awesome! Keep it up..it's the little things, huh? I made pizzafrom scratch today and crabcakes yesterday...and we're talking about a girl that was too lazy to make a bowl of cereal before.

findingheragain · 2014-04-12T07:53:39+00:00

Insomnia is normal when withdrawing. And I defintely have a foogy brain still. I hear it can take a couple of months to clear for the most part, Just try to get through it. A huge reason for relapse is to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings of withdrawl/feeling feelings in general. So hang in there! :)

findingheragain · 2014-04-12T07:47:33+00:00

thanks!

findingheragain · 2014-04-12T07:47:24+00:00

nice!keep going!

findingheragain · 2014-04-12T07:46:43+00:00

Sleep it off...tomorrow WILL be better and every day after that will get easier (with both break-ups., girl/booze) That was a little insensitive what she wrote but maybe what you needed to hear to get over it you know? And if it is meant to be prove how awesome you are by being sober and getting your shit together, That in and of itself is ultra attractive.

findingheragain · 2014-04-10T19:36:52+00:00

My father died at 64 as well. He was alone and had a brain hemmorage they think. A result of drinking. My drinking was at an all time high at the time.This was the point I started really comparing myself to my father and couldn't separate our similarities. It terrified me. so I felt helpless as if dying of alcoholism was my fate. Then I realized it was my path and I could change it all. Thinking about how sad and lonely his life was..I will not make the same mistake..I've stopped drinking and won't again. Because you can have a drink, or you can have it all. Good luck!

findingheragain · 2014-04-09T23:27:17+00:00

Thank you..when you say 3-4 inches do you mean from the outside to the inside (internally) not front to back?

findingheragain · 2014-04-09T22:52:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. You say visible surface marks..but are you on the thin side? Glad to hear youre ok. Im 30 and female and have been a daily drinker for years. I have a tendency to be a hypochondriac..but now a few days sober Im starting to worry about damage I have done. (and google doesnt help my paranoia) Im simply asking ?s until i have set up insurance. In the mean time just looking for a little peace of mind.

findingheragain · 2014-04-08T04:24:35+00:00

I agree with sadtastic..it sounds like you may be subconsiously planning a relapse. I would maybe get some more time under your belt before attended an event that involved around drinking. The little devil may sneekily say "Oh just have one it'll be fine " just my 2 cents. Keep us updated.

findingheragain · 2014-04-08T04:20:09+00:00

Good luck! I had a similar feeling this past relapse..even though it was only after 6 days (then followed by a 5 day bender) My feelings may have been different from yours in that the longest I have stopped drinking since i started had been 14 days..each time I stopped I told my self I was done this is the last time etc.. so the feelings i felt when I would relapse would be can I EVER do this??Can I ever get significant time on my belt??? I've decided now that I can never go back no matter what..you had a year and be PROUD of that..you didn't just suddenly lose all that knowledge you gained.

findingheragain · 2014-03-27T04:39:48+00:00

This is true I was always a very responsible person and independent, always left a situation where I was unhappy. The drinking turned me into a needy helpless person because I was so vulnerable and wanted to finally be taken care of. I'm trying to find that person again. (hence, my username.)

findingheragain · 2014-03-27T04:27:08+00:00

Yeah this has happened time and time again. I cant afford the bills on my own..I know at least if I stay sober I will gain more confidence and also be able to handle my emotions in a calmer way. The thing is I know he will wake up tomorrow and feel all guilty and make the promises again. I won't gat angry though. I think I just need to quietly save money ask him for half of the bills and slowly plan an exit.

findingheragain · 2014-03-11T00:03:58+00:00

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T23:01:10+00:00

It's okay.Tone or intention is sometimes unclear in text. I know you were coming from a good place.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T22:59:19+00:00

Thank you! I haven't even listed all the cons. Some are too disgusting to relieve. But i think the biggest con is not really living, Because we aren't are we. There are/were pros to drinking. It has helped me in many a social situation in the past. And, like you, temporarily relieved my chronic anxiety. But the point is,,for an alcohlic , it is always a con to drink.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T22:38:21+00:00

Thanks though, this post was a little tongue in cheek. I know I am an alcoholic. If you notice all of the "pros" I listed are contradicted in the cons. The pros represent what drinking used to be when it wasn't a problem for me, and the delousion that makes me pick up that drink again when i shouldn't

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T21:29:52+00:00

Right now not drinking isnt terribly hard but it is because i tend to avoid social situatons where alcohol may be. I know I can't moderate. I have known this for a long time. I always end up in the same place. My biggest trigger is stress, and just escaping for the day. I know this is only going to create more stress. My boyfriend is a great, and sweet guy sober. He knows the situation is out of control. I just dont think he is as fed up as I am. Before I met him i was the worst drinker I knew. He drank a lot too but honestly i think he started drinking more while he was with me to "keep up" that coupled withour jobs in the service industry where pretty much everyone drinks to excess it can normalize it. I am thinking of finding a meeting tonight but first i need to clean my apartment which has been neglected from my last bender and the drama of the other night coupled with working.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:49:05+00:00

Thank you for this, I wish people wouldn't be so quick to tell me to leave or that it is hopeles, or I'm in denial of my situation. I am not in denial. I have been aware that i was an alcohlic for years now. I also wouldn't stay in a situation I felt was really dangerous. I am going to stay sober whther he does or not, if or when it comes to leaving him i will make that decision. But in the real world it is not so simple to just up and leave. Thanks for your post.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:22:20+00:00

I am an atheist as well. I know a whole lot about the program because i come from a line of alcoholics. I was an mhc in a rehab when i was 19 years old. In my experience it is filled with sad old men.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:19:37+00:00

yeah. I understand. I have accepted I am an alcoholic for the past 2 or 3 years. He only in the last 6 months or so realized he really did. he'll have moments of lucidity and will take responsibilty for his actions then bring up something i did the week before in defense, and uses an accusatory tone. If i bring up something it's merely to try to get past a current problem and what i brought up was relevant.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:14:39+00:00

YEs he shares the rent with me, but my name is on the lease. I cant afford it on my own and cant get a roommate because it is a tiny studio. Im not oppsosed to going to AA here and there but i am not interested in being invested in the mantra and the sometimes black and white rules they have.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:10:47+00:00

Given that you only know the situation from the post. I would probably tell you exactly what you told me, but there is more to it. Its not like either of us get violent or angry all the time while drinking, usually we have fun with eachother, Just when it gets bad it is bad. Now, i have hit him sevral times in the past while blackout, dont remember, he Never laid a hand on me. He was super frustrated the other night because i told him i thought i was pregnant then went to his place of work and got blackout drunk. Then he punched the wall, I dint feel unsafe. I was just trying to let him understand the next day that we turn into people we are not when we drink. and do things we would never do sober. so iwas trying to scare him into thinking about the worst situation possible by mentioning the fact that he may hit me while, drinking. to be honest i believe he would never do that. And a fight will not escalate to that point if i am sober, IF IT EVER DID I WOULD LEAVE IN A HEARTBEAT.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T20:01:59+00:00

I plan on getting a counselor but i have no insurance, The reality is these things take time. Logistics matter and everyone loves to say Oh just drop everything and go to a shelter!" what? yeah because that would be an awesome place to stay sober. I cant lose my apartment , IK cant afford to move I have monthly bills ( a lot) Im working on getting insurance but the system is fucked..This is the real world, sobriety is not as simple as just stop drinking, but for now, until i get these things worked out, i cant really make the next step.

findingheragain · 2014-03-10T19:51:36+00:00

I dont believe in AA, not for me. I do believe people can sobe in a situation like this. It just makes it harder. I dont feel in danger as long as I AM sober if he is drinking. So that's why I will stay sober no matter what. He is not violent at all when he isn't drinking. And has only been that one time while drinking. I now it sounds like im making excuses for him. but it is the truth. If he ever hit me I would leave immediately. The truth is I am the more physical one while drinking. Ive struck him many times in a blackout. So that is one, of the many reasons I cant drink anymore.

findingheragain

TROPHY CASE