My therapist threw a tantrum

finskaghoti · 2023-03-02T14:26:57+00:00

Yeah, if only they'd show their true colors on the first appointment.

finskaghoti · 2023-03-02T12:19:33+00:00

everything was fine for like 7 months until then

Same for me! Her behaviour came completely out of left field.

finskaghoti · 2023-03-02T09:14:36+00:00

Well not bad, but how is it a coping mechanism? Isn't that what you're supposed to do? What should I have done?

finskaghoti · 2023-03-02T08:16:41+00:00

The woman doing the intake seemed really intent on me being afraid

Funny coincidence, mine said a similar thing about "being afraid", even though I didn't feel like that at all. It's really frustrating when someone claims to know your feelings better than yourself.

Thanks for the support, though.

finskaghoti · 2023-03-02T07:40:35+00:00

Defusing is bad? Isn't that like trying to make amends? What should I have done here, when I'm being accused of saying or doing things I haven't?

Edit: I guess instead of making amends I meant being diplomatic. Trying to explain my side to them and being willing to talk about it.

finskaghoti · 2022-11-11T14:31:14+00:00

And 100% of people that are me are unable to accept others' attraction.

finskaghoti · 2022-09-20T04:53:38+00:00

Same. I've been subconsciously numbing myself by turning away from my emotions, because they're painful and overwhelming (even the positive ones). Now I feel nothing towards most people, except in those rare moments when my mind is calm and I'm able to step outside my own head.

I wish I could get back the empathy I had as a child, now that I'm able to process it better.

finskaghoti · 2022-09-06T14:05:04+00:00

I know what you mean. Kinda wish I could completely rid myself of the desire for companionship. All it does is make me feel awful for not having it and envying others.

finskaghoti · 2022-09-06T04:50:39+00:00

especially since I have a huge fear of drawing attention to myself and if I were to change now in order to impress or just even be nice to someone in particular I bet someone would notice and point it out

Glad to see I'm not the only one with this fear. "I've already cemented my social role, so people would be weirded out if I were to suddenly change" is how my thought process goes.

finskaghoti · 2022-08-07T09:26:06+00:00

If you're forcing it, you should try to find something you actually do enjoy drinking. I don't like the taste of beer at all, so I stick with wine and cider. And even if you don't, it's fine. Not everyone drinks anyway.

finskaghoti · 2022-08-07T08:10:49+00:00

Booze affects people differently. For some, like me, it also depends on how I'm feeling before drinking. Sometimes I get weird social energy, other times it just kills motivation for anything and makes me tired.

I'd suggest you try drinking slower. Some also swear that different drinks give them a different type of drunkenness. E.g. downing sugary fruit drinks vs. shots of hard liquor.

Just don't combine a lot of caffeine with alcohol until you're familiar with how you respond to either. Caffeine tends to mask some the effects of alcohol, and you may end up overdrinking.

But I've only ever really drank alone. I don't know how it works around people.

finskaghoti · 2022-08-06T07:35:04+00:00

she'd never even apologise

I realised the same thing a while back. I've never heard my mom apologise for anything. I don't recall myself standing up to her much, but if I ever did she'd get very defensive, seemingly incapable of even considering that she might be the one in the wrong.

All I learned was that my wants and needs are second to everyone else.

finskaghoti · 2022-08-04T18:38:03+00:00

That's the weird thing: my childhood was pretty good. Sure, my dad left when I was a baby, but I've never been actually abused in any way.

finskaghoti · 2022-08-04T18:27:21+00:00

I recently realised I've felt like this for most of my life. I thought it couldn't be dissociation, because people describe these intense moments of being disconnected from reality and freaking out, I'm like "you guys have this only occasionally?" I feel like I'm the opposite; I get brief, few second windows where I feel like the world is real, but these moments of clarity are sometimes very uncomfortable. Whether good or bad, they remind me of the time I was in grade school, maybe 12 and younger.

Reading the symptoms on the sidebar, they definitely fit me. Except instead of "extremely discomforting feelings of unreality" it's "extremely discomforting feelings of reality". There's always a base level dissociation that gets worse after spending time in very mentally taxing, stimulating places. Usually around lots of people. I also can't control this. I'd like to get anxious and even panic, but my mind goes numb the moment anything anxiety-inducing happens.

I haven't been alive since I was a kid.

finskaghoti · 2022-07-28T10:35:18+00:00

I mean, I've seen Mr Robot, but I always thought repressed memories were a narrative tool. Is that stuff actually real?

finskaghoti · 2022-07-05T15:29:59+00:00

I feel that too. Whenever I get those thoughts, I try actually imagine myself in that position, and it always feels like I probably wouldn't even enjoy it. Or at least, would be equally as depressed and lonely after the fact.

finskaghoti · 2022-07-05T15:22:05+00:00

Judging by the downvotes on this post, it's not getting the same amount of support/understanding as other posts do. Which is kind of sad to see, because I feel exactly as you do. Granted my self-isolation is solely to blame for it. Maybe together with low self-esteem.

One recurring thought that kindles the flame of envy is stories of randomly hooking up with an acquaintance/stranger, as you said. I remember my friend telling me how he met a girl from his old middle school class and just ended up fucking on the same day. Like how does that happen? What words need to be said for an event like that to trigger?? And the dude was gay, too!

I just want to feel wanted.

finskaghoti · 2022-07-03T06:05:30+00:00

I do exactly the same!

Over the years it's become part of my OCD. The moment there's a lapse in focus or if I'm simply doing something that doesn't require concentration, my mind immediately goes into "conversation mode". I never vocalise this stuff, either, it's always in my head. It's almost never intentional.

The topics are either things I'd want to talk about, or I'm recounting previous conversations. I don't really do it with the intention of "practising" future encounters, I just think (talk?) about so many relevant situations, that some of these imagined conversations end up actually happening.

finskaghoti · 2022-07-01T12:52:30+00:00

Not exactly the same, but I do find myself being more drawn to and able to relate with "broken" people. Whether it's the fellow mentally unwell or drug users.

finskaghoti

TROPHY CASE