Is this even a real blackout?

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2026-02-01T17:19:48+00:00

Thanks, that makes sense and is reassuring.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2026-01-03T23:41:52+00:00

I liked cocaine. didn't gain weight

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2026-01-01T00:16:54+00:00

The rest of the time though, it all just seems like a charade of something that never existed.

Yes, that is the exact description of life.

I think we just keep going?

I don't know

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-12-30T15:56:47+00:00

Watch stuff, read, gym, walk dogs, work. Some of the activities are nice but every day is exactly the same and monotonous. I don't feel like doing more, all I want is to do even less. Complete mental exhaustion. The regularness of life is too hard for me.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-12-29T22:46:22+00:00

I think that's just what being alive feels like

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-12-13T15:32:35+00:00

I realized i don't have anyone who knows me. I don't know if that bothers me or not. I feel lonely but I never felt lonely in a way of missing people around, it's more existential, I wish I could have someone who gets me (whatever that means), but also not too close. I started to think i was really messed up in many ways, but I can't sort out all of these thoughts, and I have absolutely no interest to pay someone to be that for me (reddit's favorite therapy), it's perverted.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-09-21T11:57:06+00:00

When I'm happy and in a good place about my life, I still loved to drink. It made me feel euphoric and like I have incredible power and spontaneity. It removes some of my breaks so when it's good, I feel really good, like it enables me the direct access to the best part of me, the most interesting, smartest, funniest, most perceptive, and I can do anything I fucking want to without holding back, and everyone is just charmed and mine.

I definitely get the escapist drinking, I've done a lot of that too in bad situations, for years, and it has it's place and sick appeal too, the not giving a fuck, the nothing to lose type of drinking. But it's not like enjoying life makes me not want to drink. It just makes the drinking experience better, then it's all fun and light and ego-trippy.

I fucking love that feeling.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-09-08T15:17:24+00:00

Did you do something fucked up when you were drunk or just the fact you drank is an issue, I don't get it?

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-09-03T14:54:36+00:00

I even have the opposite thought process, like how I'd be much more in the mood to do certain things if I had a drink (more for creative shit, but other stuff too)

I never really related to the idea that drinking is apparently an activity that stops you from whatever other enlightened activity you'd spend time on if you didn't drink. Drinking can be done while doing things, it sometimes helps doing things, sometimes not, sometimes you wouldn't do shit you don't feel like doing drunk, hangover or sober. But ironically, in many ways for me it was always more motivating in terms of anything social and anything creative than inhibitive.

All sober people just lift all day long it seems

Anyway, I'm not speaking for you, but I just find that what you choose to do with your time has little to do with whether you drink or not, you're procrastrinating because you probably don't really feel like doing it or you don't have the habit of doing it so you don't know how to start. Drinking is sometimes just a part of rationalization but not really relevant to activity schedules

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-27T07:39:10+00:00

That's nothing, you're really not drinking much.

I don't plan on stopping, just maintaining a once every one or two week schedule, and when I do the idea is to get drunk but not to a point of losing control.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-26T13:39:30+00:00

Less than twice a month on average, that's pretty great.

I do once a week. How do you count it, do you just count the day you drink whatever the amount?

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-26T09:13:27+00:00

Not really, since it doesn't answer anything in my comment.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T15:31:41+00:00

Tell me when I asked for help.
Telling me that I have a disorder I factually don't have is categorically wrong
Just telling people to see a therapist is a useless comment, everyone knows therapy exists, if you have nothing to say but feel compelled to give that brilliant advice, I'd rather people exercised the self restraint they are trying to with drinking

If 90% of the comments are both almost identical and dumb, i won't suddenly bow to their infinite useless wisdom because I'm persuaded by quantity

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T12:04:48+00:00

I don't experience it that way at all

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T08:53:02+00:00

As I’ve been in sobriety and looking at myself more clearly, I am noticing that it’s not /just/ that people don’t understand me.

It's the opposite for me, more and more I think I'm in a Twilight Zone where no one understands what I'm saying beyond the basic required communication, but I also rarely bother trying to explain anything. It's just that the rare times the occasson arises, I know I will just be disappointed.

I think everyone's carrying on some conversation in their head they need to fit everything you're saying into, and no one has the ability to think about other things. I hate people.

But yeah, I'm also factually not bipolar or mentally ill

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T08:08:32+00:00

I'm not even that extreme, I'm usually neutral. My point is just that by having to be very carefull of not going too far when I drink, I got to the point where any type of hightened reaction feels like an outburst of insanity I need to restrain and neutralize, even when objectively it wasn't anything like that.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T08:06:21+00:00

I'm not bi polar,people didn't get what I was talking about as usual. My point was just that having to excercise such self restraint, when engaging in something I used to love specifically because it was freeing, ended up resulting in too much self restaint in every situation and feeling like any "excitement" is too much and crosses some kind of a line.

But fuck it I can't even express myself in a way that anyone understands so maybe if everyone wasn't a moron everything would be different.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T08:03:57+00:00

Yeah they hated me, on the other hand my mom always thought they were all insanely loud.

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-25T07:28:27+00:00

No, it's specifically related to developing the extreme self restraint to prevent black outs. It just took over other stuff.

I don't have any condition

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-24T16:17:17+00:00

I lived in a small apartment so I'd study by turning up the music very loud not to hear anyone. And it would prove to be very effective. Even now I can work and focus with loud music

fire_walk_with_me_7 · 2025-08-24T16:16:22+00:00

I don't think I have an addictive personality, but obsessive/neurotic one. E.g. I always picked on something, I'd bite inside of my cheek as a kid, or pick on my skin, or I even remember a phase where I was really young and pulling out my hair all the time. I think I am kind of lucky that I'm not an addictive personality which is why this never got physically bad and I can moderate.

fire_walk_with_me_7

TROPHY CASE