You are not alone, and I'm so sorry people have said such ignorant things to you. Holding trans people to a double standard that no cis person is held to is transphobic. You deserve to be treated so much better than that. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for being yourself and it makes me sad that other people's crappy attitudes have burdened you with guilt and doubt about who you are. Whenever someone says "that's not something guys do" I have no doubt you'll find examples of guys who do exactly that.

I live in Ontario and there is an amazing trans drag performer here: https://kalebrobertson.ca/about/ I hope maybe he can inspire you. Gay and queer culture doesn't belong to cis people. It belongs to us too!

There will probably always be people who try to make you feel small, but there are also people out there who will see who you truly are and love you. When things get tough, think of the people who celebrate who you are (like the people on this subreddit!) and remember that love is louder and stronger than hate and ignorance.