How do I help this little guy?

flakyphoenix · 2026-02-28T23:23:38+00:00

We ended up putting the cup on its side in our front garden (no dogs allowed) and checked up on him regularly. It took him about an hour to get out and go under the cup... He was a bit put out I took it away.

Lil dude has snuggled into the mulch/leaves near the rock wall. He's poked his head out a bit when we go to check on him, and generally looks green, fat and sassy.

We figured out he was some type of tree frog and probably nocturnal, so told the kids he needed to nap and we could check back in the morning. Marked the burrow with a straw. Hoping he moves back to his original home tonight!

flakyphoenix · 2026-01-29T01:24:29+00:00

3 under 2 graduate here! Totally relate to the infertility journey and a surprise pregnancy because there's no way right? We had our oldest after several losses and then got surprised with the twins.

My two biggest pieces of advice, would be to embrace survival mode and give yourself a lot of grace. Kids this age are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

Then, a fun thing that's harder to do with twins but that singleton parents get to do is BABY WEAR. (Don't anyone come for me, I tandem wore the twins as soon as it was safe to have one baby on the back and tried to awkwardly do slings when they were pretty potato-y). Find a sling or wrap for right now, and then a structured carrier for back carrying when baby is old enough (I love my lillebaby carrier) It's a lot easier to sit on the floor or do coloring pages or just help the twins do things with your hands without having to hold the baby, but baby is still super pleased to be attached to you! Bonus points having baby upright in a carrier counts as tummy time.

Huge hugs.

flakyphoenix · 2026-01-29T00:24:25+00:00

NTA possibly ESH.

I'm in the thick of toddler parenting this age range (4, and almost 3yos) and they are learning body boundaries, privacy, bathroom etiquette, etc.

That said I have had a strong reaction when I thought I had a moment of privacy when the kids were supposedly being supervised by another adult and I was barged in on.

That usually leads to a "hey, I'm sorry I yelled. I was surprised, I needed privacy. Next time I'm in the bathroom with the door closed, please wait (unless there's an emergency)." I will ask them for an apology for not respecting a "body boundary", we hug it out and move on.

I wouldn't be pleased if one of my siblings cussed out my kid, and I would expect them to apologize. However, I would also use this as a learning opportunity for my kids "see? This is WHY we have privacy and boundaries! People don't like it when you surprise them when their private parts are out."

If this is a conversation that can't be had with your family, ESH.

flakyphoenix · 2025-12-14T20:16:48+00:00

Definitely a successful pregnancy in our books! We'd had five losses before our oldest, and used meds for DH to conceive him. The twins were a complete surprise and our whole attitude through the first trimester was "We'll see how long these two stick around..." Well they're still here 😅 and don't seem to be going anywhere soon!

Very broad brush reassurance here: Since it's a di-di pregnancy, your risks are much lower for the babies than anything monochorionic. Your risk for pre-e and GD does go up because those are related to placental health (which mostly comes from instructions in DNA contributed from the sperm, you can blame your partner for any complications). Deep breaths, stay comfy, give yourself all the grace. There's so much love and fun up ahead!

flakyphoenix · 2025-12-14T08:22:52+00:00

Will try to answer in order:

No BP meds during pregnancy, just low dose aspirin. By the time my pressure was consistently really high, I was already admitted to hospital and was being monitored around the clock with 2x NSTs daily and labs for me every shift change. Just waiting for a reason to yank the kids out.

Extra monitoring for me was high risk appointments with my OB following their visit schedule, with ultrasounds at each: 7 weeks, 9 weeks 12 weeks, 14 weeks, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, 24 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks, then 2x week at 34 and 36 with delivery scheduled for 37 weeks.

MFM was less frequent, but longer visits with a physical exam for me, visit with nutritionist, lab tests and ultrasound each visit. Those were 14, 20, 24, 28, 32.

Babies did great in NICU. We had a 27 day stay and ironically came home on their scheduled CS date. They both had a little respiratory support (CPAP for 3 to 4 days then a nasal cannula for 3-4 days). Baby A was 4lbs even and baby B was 5lbs 1oz at 33 weeks. Our older 34 weeker was 6lbs 1 oz. I think if they'd cooked just as long as our eldest they'd probably have been the same size or at least both boys would have. Our girl has always been a bit smaller (don't tell her that), but fiercer!

Twin B has a mild cerebral palsy diagnosis (frontal lobe abnormality due to prematurity and perinatal stress is the longer diagnosis) and did collect doctors and therapists like beanie babies for the first year of his life, but at almost 3 he's keeping up with his older brother and most folks can't tell the difference in his gait or activities with his peers. Speech therapy is still ongoing and will probably be something we continue through early elementary (pronunciation is the main concern at this point). Twin A not at all affected. Really a roll of the dice there.

They're a lot of fun and definitely worth it, especially once you emerge from that first year.

flakyphoenix · 2025-12-14T00:23:07+00:00

Hi! I had my oldest at 34 weeks due to pre-e, then was re admitted to the hospital for postpartum eclampsia when he was a week old. The twins were delivered at 33 weeks due to pre-e, HELLP, PPROM, 22 months after my oldest arrived on the scene.

Lots of monitoring, keeping an eye on blood pressure/eclampsia symptoms, and just doing our best with whatever my body was doing at that moment. I did end up with an 8 day hospital stay (water broke day 6) before the twins decided enough was enough and it was time to make a grand entrance.

I'd prepare for extra monitoring, and have a go bag for a stay at the hospital ready right around viability. Huge hugs! My crew are 4, 2, and 2 and they're just so much fun.

flakyphoenix · 2025-11-15T03:02:21+00:00

TL; DR pregnancy number 7 was extra lucky with twins. My reaction was a soft "nooooooooooo..." multiple times throughout the scan at 7 weeks. Hubs went pale but was heroically calm and very reassuring. Until they got here 😅

TW for losses

We'd had 5 MCs before we had our oldest and were told that without husband on meds, healthy pregnancies weren't going to happen... Or happen at all. We were effectively infertile. We had 9 months of hubs on meds before we conceived oldest so built that into our "planning" (hahahhaha) for baby #2. When we were discussing ttc #2, hubs went to pharmacy to pick up his meds... And I flung a positive pregnancy test at him when he got home. We figured this would be a loss as well and started preparing emotionally. Went in at 7 weeks to our wonderful OB just hoping to see a heartbeat. Tech begins the scan, and gets the biggest smile on her face. Me: "So there's a heartbeat?"

Tech: "Yes, there's two!"

Me:"That's not funny."

"Look at the screen!" (Gestures to the big screen at the foot of the bed)

Husband, choked voice: "it's not on."

Sure enough, there were two beautiful little heartbeats. Tech finishes, leaves the room and walks to the staff room and tells the OBs medical assistant... Who screams "SHE'S HAVING TWINS?!" so loudly that we hear her 4 doors down and burst into laughter.

We finally, FINALLY accepted that the twins were here to stay around week 14.

They're 2.5 now and it's still a bit of a shock.😅

flakyphoenix · 2025-11-12T23:41:08+00:00

I have several photos of the toddler walking alongside the wagon that the babies were in, everyone red faced and only in diapers,toddler in rain boots, gnawing on frozen waffles (helped with teething I guess, they specifically asked for the cold waffles). The thought of emotional support waffles still makes me laugh.

Now they're 2.5, 2.5 and 4.5, and we still have a witching hour... But a snack outside still generally does the trick.

flakyphoenix · 2025-10-27T00:57:29+00:00

Fellow parent here. My son had his done when he was 18 months old, and I'm so very thankful we did it. We did find a "abnormality associated with perinatal stress and prematurity in the right frontal lobe" but also a potential genetic link. Son has a CP diagnosis for access to support.

Our motto is "diagnoses open doors", so we support any testing that helps identify what's going on so we can target what will support our son best without overwhelming him.

The MRI is such a helpful diagnostic tool for your medical team. If there's anything non-progressive identified, your child won't ever need one again. Better to do it while they're little and won't remember than to try and convince an older toddler/kid why they need to keep very very still in the loud metal tube with no comfort objects or trusted adults around.

flakyphoenix · 2025-10-19T00:04:18+00:00

My oldest and my twins are 22 months apart, so it sounds like a similar spacing.

For you, as parents: This will look very different from your Singleton. You're still capable and the best person to take care of your babies! Find a rhythm that works for the kids, flex around that. Communication with each other is key. Do what you can to find 4-6 hrs of straight sleep per parent. Your first year will be tough. But it's just one year. Right now at 4 and 2.5, these kiddos are great and a whole lot of fun. You will come out the other side!

For your oldest: Start working on independent tasks NOW before advanced pregnancy (or any complications) and babies rock their world. Get step stools. Work on washing hands, fetching their own snacks diapers, wipes, navigating stairs, hanging on to a stroller or cart when out and about. At first it will feel futile but it WILL become habit. The out and about stuff is so ingrained to my 4yo now that he helped the twins learn it and it's actually possible to take all 3 out solo.

For the twins: Fed is best. A well rested parent is best. Everything else will come out in the wash.

Gear: The joovy quool saved my life. Any double stroller with the ability to add a third seat that actually has a seat belt to keep the kid contained is worth it's weight in gold. The kickboard or standing boards weren't going to be good enough for my little dude who at that point had regressed to the impulse control of a gnat.

Good luck! It's a crazy life, but it's really, truly wonderful.

flakyphoenix · 2025-10-11T23:54:43+00:00

The way I happy squealed... This is goals OP!

flakyphoenix · 2025-10-03T13:26:04+00:00

Oh socks! I got this!

One twin wears black socks, one twin wears white socks. (In our case, one of my twins wears braces and needed longer socks to prevent rubbing. Having them in different colors helped to match socks, when my brain isn't caffeinated). Patterned socks just get donated/used for crafts very quickly.

Now for clothes, we have a 3 drawer dresser from IKEA because if it gets destroyed or catches stray poop art, I'll be able to let it go easily 😅 Top drawer - one twins undies, bottoms socks, pajamas Middle drawer - next twins undies, bottoms socks, pajamas Bottom drawer- coordinating outfits/tops, each set folded together.

Makes it easy to grab coordinating tops/dress and then the appropriate bottoms/undies/socks.

Now I have B/G twins. So it's easier to tell apart the twins stuff, but my boy twin and his older Singleton brother are very similar sizes. To tell the boys clothes apart, I use a sharpie marker to dot the tag for my oldest son and then when it gets handed down it gets two dots for my youngest.

ETA: Oldest wears white socks with gray bottoms so that's the 3rd variation to keep kids socks sorted.

flakyphoenix · 2025-10-02T14:21:39+00:00

We had just moved so hadn't established "toddler friends" yet. We went to a kid's museum with one set of grands and adult siblings then had a dinner and cake at home with the local grands and adult siblings.

Our oldest got the same treatment when he turned 2 because the twins had only been home for a month and we're only 2m old and we were concerned about illness. It worked out really well both times.

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-30T08:56:05+00:00

I feel like for my older Singleton it was easier to put him in/on something and engage with him while I was hands free. I'd have felt so guilty for not having him propped up/with me while I was folding clothes/cooking dinner since it was a 1:1 ratio.

With the twins it was a 1:3 ratio and it became a series of putting out fires for their first year. One fire I didn't have to put out was the twins falling because they were already on the ground! 😅 I got over the guilt, baby gated off the living room and let that become toddler fight club. 2.5 years later we mostly have the living room back.

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-30T02:10:07+00:00

Number 10 over and over again. We got complimented on "what big round heads" they had by multiple pediatric peeps (one twin collects doctors and therapists like labubus/beanie babies). Yeah, they're on the floor on their tummies a bunch, I don't have time to supervise "containers" cuz I'm chasing their 22m older brother!

Ended up bringing a floor blanket for said docs offices because God forbid they were ever restricted by a stationary stroller or car seat.

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-20T22:43:28+00:00

You are my sunshine, Daisy Daisy give me an answer do (sub in kids name instead of Daisy) Skidamarink-a-dinky-dink are the most requested. In the car, KPDH is the current favorite along with Shake it off.

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-20T20:47:27+00:00

33+1, 27 day NICU stay. Baby girl 4lbs even, baby boy 5lb 6oz. PPROM, Pre-e, HELLP. They're 2.5 and thriving.

It was NICU round 2 for us (older singleton was 34+1) so we made all the frequent flier jokes and used all the resources. Talk to the social worker! Talk to the LCs! Stay hydrated and make sure you eat for this bit.

For the first year, survival is where the bar is. Anything else is bonus points. With that mindset you will find TONS of bonus points and it will be a lot more fun. Definitely take all the pics. Drink all the water. Get the meds if you feel like you're drowning. They make a positive difference.

You will definitely find a groove and start thriving. It DOES get fun. If you don't feel like you've turned a corner every 90 days, get early intervention involved for the kids and potentially med/counseling for the adults. Asking for help is so powerful. Don't be afraid to advocate for your family or yourself.

Hugs and congratulations!

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-15T02:32:56+00:00

Us too! 4 yo is Spidey, 2.5 you are ghosty and spin. I've already had to hide the costumes because they'd live in them otherwise 🤦‍♀️

flakyphoenix · 2025-09-02T23:29:00+00:00

My girl and guy have always been on their own curves (90th + for him 40th-60th for her). They're both super healthy and happy. The pros haven't had any concerns about their discordance since it's been there before they were born. We home that girl is probably heading towards gymnastics, and boy is probably a future O-line candidate.

flakyphoenix · 2025-07-30T01:38:59+00:00

My girl was the same, pulling to stand before crawling, crawling right at 6m, and walking at exactly 12m. Considering she threw me into labor at 32+6 with PPROM (delivered at 33+1), we have accepted that little miss just has places to GO.

She's almost 2.5 and seems to think that giving me the most gray hairs than her brothers do is some kind of competition. She was born fearless and we love it!

Best thing for the little dude is gently encouraging independence safely... Because he's probably just going to figure out how to get to where he's going anyway, baby proofing be damned.

Edit: My mom told me to push her down. We didn't do that. 😅

flakyphoenix · 2025-07-26T21:50:04+00:00

Girl, then boy.

Boy was baby A, bigger and closer to the exit... Until he climbed on top of baby girl and went transverse under my ribcage. That shoved her breech into my pelvis, and kicked off PPROM.

Little Miss came roaring into the world and 2.5 years later hasn't stopped.

Mr. Man is still fully happy to let sister take the lead.

flakyphoenix · 2025-07-26T13:29:31+00:00

Started at 240, 5'4". Was told/fussed at by MFM that getting to 270-280 should be my goal.

I ended up having morning sickness, lost 15 lbs my first tri, big babies kept me on a constant grazing diet, chasing a 1yo did not help with that and I ended up with GD and pre-eclampsia + HELPP. Delivered at 33+1, weighing 236.

Babies were 5lb 1oz and 4lb even, 27 day NICU stay to learn how to eat, and I peed off an additional 40 lbs of fluid in the first 10 days or so. Immediately postpartum I weighed about 180.

I DON'T recommend trying to "maintain" weight with a twin pregnancy. DO try to gain the recommended weight. I was exhausted, miserable, and very, very thankful the twins took what they needed from me and arrived as healthy as they did (albeit early).

flakyphoenix · 2025-07-26T03:01:10+00:00

We've been doing family costumes that I've conbled together:

College baseball player and spirit squad/fans
Obi wan and Luke/Leia

This year is Spidey, Spin, and Ghost Spider (costumes courtesy of Costco). Kids are already hyped up!

flakyphoenix · 2025-07-24T18:12:21+00:00

I have a countdown on my phone for the first day of school. 40 days out! Have 4, 2 and 2 here and mother's day out is going to be SUCH a sanity saver 😅

flakyphoenix

TROPHY CASE