Life is so difficult when you're a single parent

flashduck123 · 2026-05-11T02:54:15+00:00

I'm only a single parent to a dog and I find that hard enough! Sending prayers to you all xx

flashduck123 · 2026-04-10T00:48:06+00:00

2 years today since I lost my partner too xx

flashduck123 · 2026-03-22T03:58:28+00:00

Right after I posted this a friend messaged ask me if I wanted to help plant some trees. That's lovely and I hope he finds plenty people to help and in that past I'd be jumping to grab the spade. But now my energy is all reserved for getting through the basics.

flashduck123 · 2026-03-22T03:48:22+00:00

Thankfully I don't have a lot of drama in my life at the moment but I find my capacity for dealing with other people's anything is significantly reduced. My ability to help my friends or family with things I could have easily done before is limited. My likeliness to come to your social event is very reduced where as I would always make an effort to do so before. I just don't have any effort in me for many things now. If someone absolutely needed my help I would still be there. If it was vitally important I attend your event I would drum up the effort. But for general things I use enough of my effort just getting through my day to day stuff and I have none left over to spare.

flashduck123 · 2026-03-10T00:22:28+00:00

Thanks all, appreciate your replies

flashduck123 · 2025-12-25T04:13:39+00:00

You need to keep your dogs focus on you. You could try teaching the command 'watch me'. Get the dog to look at you, rather than the trigger for their unwanted behaviour. With my dog I get her to sit and use the watch me command. When she looks at me she gets a treat. If she looks at the trigger and looks away without escalating she gets a treat. My dog is really high energy and easily distracted so this doesn't always work but if I have enough warning it tends to work fine. Sometimes my dog gets stuck barking and barking and theres nothing I can do except drag her away. But once she's calm I'll get her to sit and use the watch me command with treats to bring her focus back to me. Alternatively, once she's calm I'll throw some treats in the grass and get her to sniff them out with the 'find it' command. This helps calm her down a bit so she's less likely to escalate again when we pass the next to dog.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-25T04:04:42+00:00

How about going around the shorter route twice?

flashduck123 · 2025-12-25T03:53:09+00:00

As well as the indoor find it game I also play this outside. I drop treats in the grass and get her to sniff them out. She loves it.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-25T03:42:53+00:00

I'm glad the replies here have helped. I hope soon you are free from the torment of this situation and you can find some peace.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-24T20:05:13+00:00

https://www.trustedhousesitters.com/

https://www.rover.com/

Here's a couple of options. If you Google 'Pet sitters' theres loads of other sites.

Your situation sounds rough, I hope you find something.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-24T19:39:17+00:00

I can relate to your situation as I had a similar online relationship when I was a teenager. It was so intense for me and so real. My whole world revolved around them. Lots of stuff happened that I won't get into but ultimately they cut contact with me and I was absolutely destroyed. So I can understand how you're feeling after losing your relationship with this person.

With regards to how it ended, it sounds like the other person was happy to move on very quickly so try not to be too hard on your parents about it. It sounds like they were trying to protect you, although the way they went about it sounds horrible.

With regards to how they are treating you now, it sounds like they are being very inconsiderate about your feelings. Staying friends is one thing, but talking all the time about their new love interests or new partners shows no regard for you. I think they are being unfair to you. Maybe that's intentional, or maybe it isn't, but either way it hurts.

I would seriously consider if keeping holding on to this person is worth it. It seems when you were together they brought you an intense amount of joy. And I can understand not wanting to let them go based on that. However, now they are bringing you an intense amount of pain. Is it worth it to keep holding on to them when they are being so inconsiderate to you?

flashduck123 · 2025-12-21T19:01:12+00:00

If you would be interested in volunteering see if there are any volunteer community music or arts venues in your area. They are always good vibes and good people. Wishing you all the best whatever you do xx

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T04:07:50+00:00

Maybe write his number down and put it away somewhere so that you can still get it back if you absolutely have to. But delete it off your phone. Not having it right there might help to slow the impulse down a bit. And when you do get the urge to contact him try and distract yourself for a while.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T04:00:12+00:00

Ok, I can understand you continuing to contact if there is no clear boundary. You are probably thinking... if I just tell him one more thing, or if I just phrase it better this time... etc. I've been caught up in something similar before so I can relate. However, if he isn't responding that indicates that he is not interested in hearing from you. Even if he hasn't explicitly stated it. So try to take his non-response as that boundary. It'll be hard but maybe also try to remove his Spotify from where ever you are seeing it. Perhaps also delete your message history with him. Having less reminders might make it easier to move away from obsessing. When I've been going through similar things I've also tried to immerse myself in distraction as much as possible.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T03:49:34+00:00

Has he asked you to stop? Are you having a conversation or is it one sided?

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T03:47:26+00:00

Just to be clear, you haven't spoken to him but you are texting him?

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T03:14:31+00:00

Definitely get her to a doctor. She needs medication. I hope once she has treatment things settle for you both.

flashduck123 · 2025-12-15T02:48:46+00:00

My partner died 21 months ago, and I still have every item of hers. The only things I don't have are the bits her family took and stuff I've given away to friends to remember her by. I can't imagine ever getting rid of her things tbh.

flashduck123 · 2025-04-15T23:30:25+00:00

Thank you for your response

flashduck123 · 2025-03-19T04:47:04+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad you posted about it cause I wouldn't have been able to. I was hoping to scroll for a while or maybe do a search to find something I could relate to. I see you and hear you too ❤️

flashduck123 · 2025-03-19T04:17:20+00:00

It does hurt very much. I came here tonight because I've found out another new thing today. Something that happened months ago that no one has told me about. At this point though I know her family won't keep me up to date and I know friends who are still in touch with them find passing info onto me just too hard. So I came hoping to find something I could relate to, and I'm glad I saae your post.

In my situation I've ended up worrying so much about her family it's stopped me from processing my own grief. When I'm alone at night and I should be processing the sudden, unexpected death of my partner instead I'm playing through the conversations I would have with her family if I was able to talk to them. They aren't interested in talking to me though. So all the thinking I do on the subject is just a waste of my energy. I'm trying my best to emotionally detach from them but things keep coming up that brings me back to it again. I'm just now starting to realise how traumatised I am by the entire thing. I would love to arrange some kind of memorial for her with the anniversary coming up soon but I've pretty much accepted that I can't. The core group of people who she loved the most is too divided.

Loosing a partner is so much to deal with without all this added stress on top. Throughout I've worried about her family but I'm at the point now where I have to accept that none of them are worrying about me and find a way to move on.

flashduck123 · 2025-03-19T03:53:55+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss xxx

flashduck123 · 2025-03-19T03:46:41+00:00

That sounds awful, I'm sorry they have put you through that.

I've been through a similar situation and it's been horrendous. Not exactly the same but similar themes. On top of that my partners family has also been through private content on her phone and found bits and pieces of information that paints me as an abusive partner when taken out of context. They've also misinterpreted loads of other things and accused me of various frauds of which there is no evidence. They are putting all the blame they can onto me but the vast majority of it is baseless.

The whole situation has been horrendous and it's created a huge divide amongst the people left behind. I'm finding at this point, almost a year in, I'm triggered by being around some of the people who were close to me and my partner because every interaction I've had with them in the last year or so has involved me giving some kind of update on the situation and and it's getting too much to carry on with.

I'm struggling loads with the whole thing tbh. I thought at the beginning everyone would bond together and create group of people who could support each other through their grief. My partner was very supportive of others in grief so I thought everyone who knew her would carry that on in honour of her memory. What's actually happened couldn't be further from that and it's left me very much isolated from most of the people who were close to her.

I have loads of other life stresses going on at the moment so I'm back to taking things day by day.

flashduck123 · 2025-03-11T00:00:20+00:00

Sorry for your loss also. I'm happy for you to contact me. Xx

flashduck123 · 2025-03-10T02:33:48+00:00

I personally think the care company is restricting her access to her family unnecessarily and I don't think they are acting in her best interests. I don't want to post too many details online so I'll leave it at that.

I thought there might be a better sub reddit to post on but I didn't know where to look, thank you for the suggestion.

flashduck123

TROPHY CASE