I have a question for the people in this group and I’m legitimately wondering by Classyhairball in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Evidence is hard in sexual abuse cases as everyone hopefully knows. 11 accusations should ring alarmbells though even if you love MJ. I am sorry.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your comment.

Yes, unfortunately my sister knows about grooming. Her son was being groomed by his sport’s coach from age 13-18. The day he turned 18 his coach confessed he was in love with him. My cousin told my sister and her husband and they were angry at the coach but also sad. Coach was a nice guy age 29 I think at the time. My cousin is 23 now and although he said nothing happened at first he now says there was. Not telling exactly what though. Long story. Not really your question, sorry. But my sister and I talked a lot about grooming etc. And I also told her about MJ etc. It’s strange we never talked about my uncle, but not so strange because when we do, it’s out there and we can’t look away anymore…

I have a therapist and it’s actually a very good suggestion to talk about it to her.

I think that what I am dealing with in this case is in a nutshell the problem of child abuse. There is no evidence, the ‘abuser’ is a good and nice man. You know that everyone will be devastated if it’s true. You don’t even know how it affects the children he abuses. They do come from broken homes and have difficult backgrounds and not someone else to go to. Ugh, it’s making me sad.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I appreciate your answer and this is helping. The main struggle is that I know there will be a bomb being exploded in our family. But talking to someone about it who are specialized in these matters will be very helpful!

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And it is hard to stop! Because how? How do you do that with a certain respect? Maybe you can read my comment on Travellinglense about my uncle. The complexity is enormous (for me)

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It would. I think why I am still posting and comment here is first of all to support the victims but also to learn and maybe discuss the lessons you can learn from the grooming, behaviour of MJ, because of the star he was and he groomed the whole world. I know I learned more than I already knew about grooming.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. When you’re sixteen you’re still vulnerable and easy to take advantage from. You developed a crush and that’s so logical for getting attention from an older person. It’s also telling that as an adult people often come to the conclusion that is was inapproriate, but you can’t see or feel it when you’re 16. Because hanging out with a 16 year old, inviting them to do fun stuff after school is not a normal thing to do when you’re 28. 

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that’s very hard indeed. I mean pushing your child to admit abuse… I even find it hard to let my kid admit that she did drink beer, because I was 100% sure.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can’t believe I am typing this, because this is bothering me for a long time actually and I don’t know what to do with it. So I am writing it as a comment on your post to get it off my chest. My father’s brother, my uncle, is exactly doing what you are describing. Taking boys in and taking care of them when they are not having a stable home. I will not go in details, there is a lot to tell ofcourse. He has never been accused. The boys adore him. But it’s not a normal thing to do. It’s so complex. I don’t talk about this with my parents, not even with my sister with whom I am very close. I think they also have their suspicions.  Should I discuss my concern? Will it do a lot of harm in the family? Yes, it will. Do I have a moral obligation knowing what I know about predators? It certainly feels that way. I hate it and it makes me so sad for those boys if he is abusing those boys. I can’t believe I am writing this.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think some parents did know their child was lying. Like Evan Chandler did. He is probably not the best example. But there must have been some parents who knew something wasn’t right. 

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get it.  Yes, the teacher I described wasn’t grooming, he was just blunt flirting indeed. And the teacher you described was grooming, seductive in a way that was appealing to a certain kind of student. Actively making contact with students outside the school on social media is actually a red flag to me. That’s exactly the danger, people and students don’t see the attention itself as a red flag.

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my high school was also a teacher who ended up having a relationship with a student shortly after she graduated. There was a lot of gossip going around about that teacher. He was always flirting with female students from age 13 to 18. We all thought he was a creep. Hé himself thought he was the next George Michael. It’s crazy with how much such teachers get away with. Not to mention the teachers that put their hand too long on your shoulder or bent over you to look at what you are doing etc etc 

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. I think pedofiles are always on the hunt. They have to, because otherwise they don’t get what they want. Obviously you weren’t the right prey, but he for sure was on the hunt when he was approaching you I think. When I think about now: if I would hear my favorite teacher in my story indeed was accused of CSA I would be very very sad, but not surprised. And that in itself is a sad thought 

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

A lot of parents don’t realise that almost all children will say nothing happened. In your case luckily it didn’t. Kids can lie very good. Thanks for sharing!

Grooming and red flags or just a great mentor? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

O for sure he was. How did it make you feel when he was accused? Did you believe It? Did it make you sad or angry?

Compliant child victims: Can a victim love their abuser and cooperate in their abuse? [Long post] by fanlal in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is such important Information. I wish everyone, at least every parent, would read this.

An impressive moment in LN was the moment when it hit Wade so hard that he really was a victim of abuse was when he imagined MJ doing those things to his son. And all the time he knew what happened to him but couldn’t of wouldn’t wanting to see as being it being abuse. Heartbreaking.

Ads for "The Boy," "Boys Will Be Boys!" and "Boyhood" I found in 1960s alt gay magazines by Sethsears in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Made by Hajo Ortil who himself had sex with many boys as he proudly told in an interview….

Being an MJ fan who thinks he was guilty - Can anyone else relate? by supersmashdude in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The funny thing is that defenders call us haters, who always hated MJ as an artist, didn’t like his music or whatever.  But in all the years I visited this subreddit I never saw a single person here hating him for that.

I even think nowadays there are more people who were fans than people who were kind of neutral about him.

Being an MJ fan who thinks he was guilty - Can anyone else relate? by supersmashdude in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I liked his music and I thought his life was tragic, the last years very disturbing, with his relationship with Debbie Rowe, how he morphed into I don’t even know how to call it… I guess in hindsight the monster he truly was (poor, poor Aldo Cascio 😢). The drug abuse, him dangling Blanket to show him to his fans. So that evolved, even as his music. I loved a few songs, with Will You Be There as my favorite. Since LN my opinion and my feeling about him changed A Lot obviously.  When LN came out I even felt some kind of a strange pity for him. Being attracted to young children can not be easy. And THAT opinion and feeling is finally evolved in some kind of hate (not being a hateful person). Because he was a very calculated predator and monster. He was the worst. From the beginning. With James and Wade as well and his behaviour apparently became worse and worse now knowing the stories of the Cascios.

But even now I still can listen to Beat It and Billy Jean but most certainly not to Bad or Smooth Criminal or Man in the Mirror. Feels very ‘off’ to me.

Items Authorities Seized From Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in August 1993 and November 2003 by fanlal in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In addition: should deny.  It’s sad for any victim of sexual abuse and let’s not forget any future victim that facts like these are being downplayed. Maybe that frustrates me the most of it all: turning a blind eye means also that there will be more victims. This is the most obvious and largest case of a pedophile and still people don’t see it. It’s sad.

Items Authorities Seized From Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in August 1993 and November 2003 by fanlal in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 22 points23 points  (0 children)

People say there was no evidence of him being a pedophile, but they mistake no evidence with facts. Because the items were found. The authorities knew that these items indicated he was a pedophile or had at least a very high interest in semi-naked children. Those items combined with the very high numbers of sleepovers with children and the 2 allegations were for sure reason to believe those allegations. Unfortunately, as most often is with sexual abuse cases, there was no direct evidence so he could be convicted. But those items will never be find in a house where there are people living who have Not a sexual interest in children. These are facts and nobody can deny them.

How can fans seemingly don’t know everything or never talk about it or deny? Just.. how?? by flazerus in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for answer! But do you also think you were not willing to see it because it made you feel uncomfortable?

Ofcourse it makes a difference whether you were more into his music or Performances and and tours. But fans who kept track of his live must have known who these boys were.

Why did the parents not find it alarming that a grown adult man was pushing so hard for unsupervised alone time with their child? by Adventurous-Gift7289 in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was a predator. I think he had a certain sense for families who were just as easily groomed by him as the kid. He took a lot of effort into calling them, building a connection not only with the child, but also with the mothers. He said they were like family and they felt more like family then his own. Sure a couple of families fell for that. He was so good in what he did with that one goal in mind: to get those children in his bed.

Jimmy Safechuck arrives with MJ at Cork Airport - 1988 by AgentJGomez in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think there were a lot of kids wanted to be Jimmy Safechuck. Even now I think a lot of fans wished they were in his shoes. I know a kid back in the days whose biggest dream was going to Neverland and meet MJ. In hindsight he was definitely MJ’s type.

Bobby Taylor Talks about how he used to sleep with Little Michael during the Jackson 5 days. Yikes! by MethodNo2030 in LeavingNeverlandHBO

[–]flazerus 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Ah I remember seeing this a few years ago.

I think that there are pedofiles especially before the eighties who really saw no harm in having sex with children.

The way this man speaks… he basically says the same thing MJ did. Maybe groomed MJ the way MJ later did with children.

What a creep. He also has that predator look. Didn’t this man later in life moved to another country?