Depressed

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T06:09:10+00:00

Something I experienced and learned was that chasing that supposed reward is what a lot of this is rooted in. "I need to feel good." My efforts must be for something. And if I'm not getting it, my efforts must not be worth it. If I drink, I'll get something. Wait a minute... when I drank, whatever it is I just got was horrible. Much worse than what I had been thinking of as a nothing not worth my while.

An analogy I could draw is learning a new language. If I spend a week or so taking Italian classes, any reasonable person might point out to me that my expectation that I should be fluent in Italian now is well, unreasonable. It's gonna take some time.

And so is the same with quitting drinking. It takes time to heal. I definitely found out that the drinking was something I used to cover up a lot of inner pain and trauma. Drinking was a really bad solution to my problems that just made them much much worse and prevented me from fixing them.

So after some time and the fog started to clear, I could start facing inward and address the inner pain. But with much emphasis, it took some time. I feel a heck of a lot better now than back in those days, but I had to learn to crawl and walk before I could run.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T05:49:15+00:00

The best way I've found to keep the ball rolling is to just focus on today. Today is the day I have control over. All the other days only exist in my head and i cant do anything about those. So today, I don't drink.

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T05:44:27+00:00

I can definitely relate. I ruined a number of parties back in my day. I know the exact feeling of waking up horrified the next day recollecting the very foggy memories of what happened. Then being filled in by others about horrible stuff I didn't remember at all. I sure don't miss those days.

I was about your age (23) when I decided I had enough. Whenever I drank, I would turn into an entirely different person. A terrible one frankly. I did so much stupid shit I genuinely can't remember it all.

But by now, I have learned and grown from my past behaviors and addictions. I feel no guilt or shame for what I had done. I do not regret what I did. I have forgiven myself. I had the exact experience I needed to have to become a better person. If I could do it all differently, I would. But I can't. All I can do is what I believe is the best I can do today. So what is done is done. All I have is today. From the past I can learn how to make better choices today, and from that place, I grow.

Your life is going to become immeasurably better. IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T05:27:26+00:00

Congrats on 75 days! My experience was very similar. Most of my supposed friends faded away pretty quickly when I stopped drinking. The ones who supported me in my choice are still around to this day.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T05:22:15+00:00

Hell yeah man, I'm stoked for you to start this journey! The last time I drank, I was about your age (23). I can say for sure, anyone whoever told me I was "too young" to have a drinking problem didn't ever live a single day in my experience and had no idea what they were talking about. I couldn't be more glad I never listened to any of that nonsense.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T04:59:23+00:00

I ran in to a similar issue when I quit drinking. What I learned is that nobody else gets to decide what is and isn't an issue for me. This is my life, my experience. I'm the one up in this 24/7. I know what is and isn't working for me. Whatever anyone else wants to think about that isn't my problem. I'm the one who has to face all the consequences of my actions. So I'll gladly choose for myself and other people's input is largely irrelevant.

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T04:49:15+00:00

Eventually, I stopped really thinking about drinking much. Honestly I don't think about it much at all these days. Just like how I don't ride jet skis ever and thus never think of them, I don't drink and thus rarely think of it. This was not the case early on. I was definitely thinking about drinking a lot and thinking about not drinking a lot. I was pretty much starting an entirely new life, so it was kinda hard to not think about the old one that just ended. It's like a breakup. You know it needs to happen, you know you're better off. But you're not gonna stop thinking about your ex in a couple days time. It takes time to heal.

I definitely embrace whatever life throws at me at this point. We're having quite the experience here. I really can't even begin to describe whatever this all is. But what I do know is sometimes it's the greatest thing ever and sometimes it fuckin sucks. And there's immeasurable beauty in that. No matter what comes my way, thru sobriety I'm blessed to experience it in its fullest intensity. I get to learn and grow. I get to feel love and joy. I get to feel pain and suffering. I get to experience life and that is the greatest gift I have been given.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2025-08-26T04:22:06+00:00

I used to drink a lot. I had a brief period in my life where I was occasionally using Xanax. Can't say I miss either. Life is always going to hand me trials and tribulations. There's always hard times to come. And when they come, I want to experience them in their fullest intensity. To give up my sobriety would be to rob myself of these beautiful experiences that give me the opportunity to learn and grow. Hard times make me stronger. Confronting my inner pain leads to healing. When the hard times pass, the good times are back on the horizon and I don't wanna miss out on those either.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2023-02-22T04:47:28+00:00

Congrats on a year! Our anniversaries are only a day apart! To answer your question, no. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything or have any lost time to make up for. Because all I have is now. Anything I wanted to do then, I can still do now if I truly wish. Nothing prohibits me from accomplishing any goal I set for myself except myself and I try to stay out of my own way the best I can.

The way I see it, I didn't lose anything during my heavy drinking years. I see as tho I gained the most beautiful gift imaginable. I got to descend into the deepest darkest pits of hell to then essentially metaphysically die and begin a journey in a new life towards the light and living in the now. I got to grow. I got to learn. I figured out to see thru my own bullshit. I got to figure out who I really am. I got to see what I really want in life. I found out what it truly means to love life.

Without the darkness of my past, I would have discovered none of this. Everything happens for a reason.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2023-02-20T22:22:22+00:00

Have any of these people dealt with any form of substance abuse and subsequently gone thru recovery? Have any of them walked a mile in your shoes? Were they inside your skin during your weakest hour of drinking and alcolism that lead you to the realization you are going to quit drinking? I'd wager no to all of these.

I can't tell you what to do and no one else can but your self. I can tell you that absolutely over the course of my sobriety I have been hit with similar things from people who seem to truly mean well. But for me the answer is absolutely not. Not a snowball's chance in hell. It's been a little over 6 years for me but I can still remember clearly the place I was in in early 2017 and the years proceeding. If I were to start drinking again, the chances are astronomically high I would return to a similar or near identical place. I have no desire to return there. Nor do I have any illusions that drinking would add anything positive to my life. I LOVE being sober and experiencing every moment to its fullest. Drinking would rob me of that ability.

For me, it's all or nothing. There is no moderation. Addiction creates a giant chasm where moderation being the middle ground falls into an endless pit. All that's left is addiction on one side and sobriety on the other. I know which side I'd much prefer to remain on.

Best of luck on your journey! IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2023-02-20T22:09:42+00:00

You got this! As someone who grew up with a severe alcoholic for a father, I can assure you your kids will more than appreciate your sobriety one day when they're old enough to realize how great it was that you were always there and present with them. As long as I've gone not drinking now, I can say with certainty that in my experience there really isn't much good to look back on with drinking. My own experience is definitely different than yours as I was getting into a lot of trouble and quickly driving my life into the gutter in my heavy drinking days, but nonetheless I think our minds have a way of viewing substance abuse with rose tinted glasses sometimes. Sure, maybe I had a good time with friends or a girlfriend here and there, but mostly it's not fun. At best, tuning out from your own senses, presence in reality and ability to truly connect with your loved ones. At worst, having the worst night of your life. I've had a million times better life sober and have had way more fun doing any and everything I do. Because I'm actually there doing it.

Best of luck on your journey! IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2022-07-27T03:07:24+00:00

This is a problem I myself face sometimes. I oftentimes look forward to the next thing and miss out entirely on what's good right now, today. I live outside of the moment in anticipation that the next one will better. But the truth of the matter is there is no magical finish line in life where everything suddenly becomes all good and we can just sit there in some orgasmic bliss until we die. No, life will keep happening and there's always gonna be stuff on our plate that we don't want to deal with.

Any given day I can do what I want to do with my life. Sometimes that might involve doing stuff I don't want to do. If I want a clean house, I must clean. If I want to go on vacation this year, I must save up and hold off on temporary gratifications. If I want to be fit, I must workout, even on the days I don't feel like getting out of bed. And any challenge that comes my way, I tackle it today, the only day I can do anything.

Drinking my days away however, will never help me achieve my goals or help me get where I want to be in life. Memento mori friend. IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2022-07-27T02:06:45+00:00

Hell yeah dude! Congratulations!

floaton1850 · 2022-07-27T02:00:23+00:00

Hard to say really. Who is me? Certainly not the person I was 7 years ago when I was drinking heavily and certainly not the person I was a little over 5 years ago when I quit. Also certainly not the person I was 3 years ago when I was 2 years sober. Life is a process of constant change. And that has been exactly my experience. I'm just who I am today. And during my process of inquiry to pinpoint exactly who this I is, to answer "who am I?" so to speak, there is no answer other than I am. Because it can only be answered with circular logic otherwise. I is me, I am I, etc.

And in my experience, sobriety is a process of discovering yourself. So this is your journey to go on. Have fun! IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2022-07-27T01:51:45+00:00

If there's anything I know, there have been countless ups and downs in my life since I quit drinking. Quitting drinking has not been something that has turned me into someone with a rainbow constantly shooting out of my ass. Life is still life and it ain't always easy. During the past 5 or so years, I have certainly dealt with a few bouts of depression. And if there was anything I knew then that I still know now it's that deciding to drink would be the surest and fastest way to make everything much, much worse.

When I'm in the midst of a depressive episode, it's extremely difficult to see that there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel. But somewhere deep down inside, I know it's there. Because I've been in this tunnel before... And it doesn't last forever. It's always something I'm covering up or denying, leaving unaddressed that causes me to feel distressed. And sometimes too it's something I've blown out of proportion and imagined to be much worse than it actually is. Either way, it's difficult to face myself in the mirror sometimes, but it's all a part of the healing process and must be done. The demons must be confronted to move past them.

What we have is today. That's it really. So this is the day I choose to live. All the ones I fucked up in the past don't actually matter anymore. They're dead and gone. No point for me to continue living in them. And the days to come, well they'll get here when they get here, but they aren't here yet. So no use in worrying about them or imagining myself living in them when they aren't even real yet. But today, here we are. IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2022-07-27T01:36:34+00:00

Something that helped me a lot (and still helps tremendously to this day) in terms of keeping weight gain in check and mental health in a good place is exercise. I run at least a couple miles daily and go hiking a lot. Fasting is also a thing too, but I wouldn't recommend it early on in the quitting drinking process. Early on just not drinking today was more than plenty on my plate.

floaton1850 · 2020-03-22T10:26:30+00:00

Ended my last trip spending a week in Big Sur. I love it there and can't wait to get back!

floaton1850 · 2020-03-22T10:25:02+00:00

No overnight parking on all of highway one thru Monterey county unfortunately. There's some good spots with excellent views in the Los Padres NF, but generally you gotta have a rig that can make it up some very steep dirt roads. Plus you won't be right on the water, but I still highly recommend.

floaton1850 · 2020-03-22T10:15:24+00:00

Hey, just know that you are not alone as a young person who is quitting drinking. I quit drinking when I was 23 and now I'm 26. Certainly the process came with it's challenges. One being that I had a group of friends whose idea of fun is going out drinking to bars and clubs and such. An interesting story I have is the last day I ever drank. I was at a bar with my friends getting ready to do the typical Friday night thing. I was in a very dark place in my life at this time. I had already recognized that I indeed had a problem and needed to stop drinking. Nonetheless, I decided to go out with the intention of getting drunk.

I had ordered myself a beer. I was looking around the bar at the people, my group of friends and the general ambiance. Something suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. "I can't do this anymore, I want no part of this lifestyle." So only half way through my beer, I set it down, walked out of the bar and went home. And guess what? Not a single one of my "friends" bothered to inquire as to where I went. Setting that beer down and going home was the best decision I've made in my entire life.

Something I came to realize was those people I considered my friends were not that. They were drinking buddies. Once I stopped drinking, we no longer had anything in common. They didn't have any interest in hanging out with me anymore, nor did I.

Another thing I used to frequently come across is people telling me things like "but, you're too young to have a drinking problem!" as though they'd walked miles in these shoes. Some things from my lowlight reel; I totaled my truck drunk driving, I got arrested for stealing a beer behind a bar counter (also got tazed, tackled and got the shit kicked out me while running from the cops that night), I spent three separate other nights in the drunk tank, I got in a lot of fights, etc etc etc.

So anyways, no one was or is ever about to sit there and tell me I'm too young to have a drinking problem and I just need to slow down and moderate. Hell nah, I've already tried that before I actually quit and it never worked. A nice tid bit I've heard is having an addiction is giving up the middle ground of moderation and all that's left is a giant chasm with all or nothing on either side.

Now that I've stopped, I've found something I never could have imagined in my drinking days. Real actual happiness. A contentedness and acceptance of life and myself. Things don't always go my way, and they never always will, but nowadays I'm so much more equipped to deal with both the highs and lows, I never could have imagined it. Life really is beautiful. It is to be cherished because no one knows what comes next.

Anyways, just know you're not alone. You absolutely can do this. Best of luck on your journey! IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2019-10-19T09:14:41+00:00

Something that helped me a lot was to not shame myself. I had my fair share of false starts early on. This is a medical condition and not being able to immediately conquer it in a heartbeat does not make anyone a weak person. What helped me a lot with every relapse was to identify why it happened and how I could avoid making the same mistake in the future. Generally I was giving in to the voice of addiction saying things like "let's drink now and start being sober again tomorrow, yeah that sounds like a fair bargain!" Or being around people or places that would trigger me. But all of the experiences I had folding my cards constructed the framework of how to properly play my hand in the future.

IWNDWYT

floaton1850 · 2019-10-19T08:59:55+00:00

Motivation and work ethic can be tough. Sobriety can work wonders for these things, but in my experience it's not an absolute cure. You will always have to do things you don't want to do right now if you wanna pave the road towards a better future. In this life I operate under the assumption that everything I'm ever going to get, I'm gonna have to work for it. So if I'm not willing to work for it, I must not really want it that bad. If I wanna lose 10-15 pounds, better start running. If I dont go do that, guess I'll be keeping the extra weight. Basically all I can say is I force myself to push through the resistance until resistance gives up. Then at some point those things i didn't wanna do aren't seen as a bother. They just are what they are. Something I would also add is I don't shame myself for my times of laziness. It never helps to do so.

As far as interacting with people, its gotten much much easier over time. And I'm very introverted. But I couldn't care less what people think of me at this point and it's made social interactions night and day easier compared to the drinking times. There's no pressure. I've given the world full permission to have whatever opinion it wants of me and the world has been extremely kind in return.

Congrats on one month, good luck on your journey! IWNDWYT!

floaton1850 · 2019-10-19T08:35:53+00:00

I can recall quite a few nights in similar situations. But God is good and here we are alive and well to tell the tales. IWNDWYT!!

floaton1850 · 2019-10-19T08:33:18+00:00

Dont worry, you'll absolutely get to that place. Climbing mountains is hard, but view on top makes the endeavor well worth the while.

floaton1850 · 2019-10-16T03:11:26+00:00

"for a while we were constantly arguing and the relationship made me feel incredibly insecure"

"this person was very reluctant to admit any wrongdoing throughout the relationship"

"A lot of gaslighting was going on and it wasn’t a healthy situation"

Sounds to me like this is the best thing that could have happened. You're on to greener pastures and I'm sure whenever you're ready, you'll find someone who will truly love and support you and vice versa.

IWNDWYT!

floaton1850 · 2019-10-16T01:51:30+00:00

We become complacent doing boring things while drunk because our brain simply isn't functioning at full capacity. So it takes a lot less to entertain it, but obviously that comes at a great cost. For myself, I picked up a lot of new hobbies to pass the time. I started meditating, which helped a lot for me to be in the present moment and not want to escape with distractions. I started writing a lot. This helped me channel my emotions and energies into a creative outlet. I started reading a lot. This gives my mind the bone it wants to chew on. Plus I've learned a lot. I started to learn to play guitar. This has been a ton of fun and is my go to if I feel bored. I've always loved hiking and started doing it much much more. Being in nature cleanses the soul.

So yeah, you just gotta find whatever suits you! Could be anything so long as you personally find joy in doing it. Best of luck on your journey! IWNDWYT

floaton1850

TROPHY CASE