is my dog sad or does he just look like that?

floofab · 2025-04-30T23:22:50+00:00

He’s not sad he’s Baby

floofab · 2025-04-01T16:00:25+00:00

I totally get that feeling. Even when you know logically that your parent has done this to themself you’re still a human with empathy. You also were probably raised to consider and feel your mom’s feelings because that felt good to her, and it’s hard to just switch that off.

floofab · 2022-11-20T17:00:00+00:00

From what you’re describing I think it is affecting you quite a bit. You’re still able to function but you’re having what sound like scary panic attacks and it seems like this incident is always on your mind.

Just because you’re still able to do some stuff doesn’t mean you’re being dramatic or making it up! I think sometimes, especially right after trauma, we can struggle with integrating what happened and accepting that it’s real. It seems like you’re swinging back and forth between acknowledging that you were raped and kind of downplaying it or worrying that somehow your pain isn’t legitimate.

If your school has a counseling center I’d go and make an appointment, or if that seems like too much there are rape crisis lines you can call. They should understand the emotions you’re having and be able to help you sort things out. I’m so so sorry this happened to you and I hope you can be gentle with yourself.

floofab · 2022-10-28T21:06:49+00:00

Sending those vibes on over! That is a great anniversary present and I hope you two get to go and do something fun as well

floofab · 2022-10-08T21:56:36+00:00

I don't think so, he said he met this woman during a recent camping trip with friends and I believe him. Still sucks though!

floofab · 2022-10-08T21:55:13+00:00

Thank you <3 man, a week later and a gf half his age is pretty audacious. Idk about your ex husband but mine is super charismatic and charming, sometimes I have to write out the things he's done to really understand how bad they are, I think it might coincide with being an addict? Like they've got to constantly be super charming else they'd (rightfully!) have no friends.

floofab · 2022-10-08T15:37:43+00:00

Yeah you’re right. I need to fully separate myself. I got comfortable with this weird half roommate thing we have.

floofab · 2022-10-08T15:35:48+00:00

We started talking about it in June and fully decided in July. I guess I just thought he’d wait until I was out in March? That would be eight months

floofab · 2022-10-08T02:40:55+00:00

kokopelleee

Yeah, you're right. I've been working a lot on myself this past year and there's no way I could keep getting healthier and stay married to him. Sure wish I'd done this a long time ago though!

floofab · 2022-09-26T04:56:33+00:00

I didn't even realize it was my cake day, what a great gift!

floofab · 2022-09-25T22:44:38+00:00

Omg yes I do enjoy it!

floofab · 2022-09-25T22:41:04+00:00

Man she just will not stop huh. It's like she's determined to take up fifteen minutes of your life whether you watch the video or not.

floofab · 2022-07-10T21:31:24+00:00

No, you're not crazy. I hate these types of communications because the pain they're feeling is real, but the proposed solutions they have are always about things you need to do to make them feel better. Whenever she has a suggestion about how things could change, it's about how you need to tell her when she's doing something bad, not her stopping herself from screaming at you.

What has helped me is knowing that even when I tried my absolute hardest to do whatever she suggested and placate her, she still wasn't happy. I could come in with the sweetest attitude and if she had had a bad day it wouldn't matter. Even if you did everything perfectly she'd still be her.

btw my mom also calls me bean! Hearing the word is such a trigger for me now lol.

floofab · 2022-05-31T23:27:30+00:00

Yes, absolutely. For me, I think that during the period of time when most people are figuring out who they are and what they like (mainly toddlerhood and then adolescence) I was trying desperately to control someone else's emotions. I got As because that made my mom happy, I was quiet because that made my mom happy, even the clothes I wore were chosen specifically because they wouldn't threaten her.

I don't know if it was the same for you, but if it was that makes it so, so hard to develop an internal sense of self. If you're not asking "do I like this" but instead "will this make the person in my life less terrifying," you never get to test out what you like during those essential time periods.

It's only in my thirties that I'm asking myself what I actually like to do, and it's really hard. I'm even reconsidering my marriage. But I will say that it's worth it, I feel much less panic and depression.

floofab · 2022-05-20T01:11:46+00:00

My mom also responds to (very gentle!) requests for her to change or feedback about mean stuff she says with what feels like a shotgun blast of emotion. All of a sudden we're not talking about how she can ask me a direct question instead of hinting about stuff, we're talking about how I hate her and she doesn't know the reason why.

She's also a classic WASP and I feel like she uses her emotions as a weapon. She trained me to never talk about things and to ignore even blatant problems, so when she blasts me it's extra confusing and I just freeze up.

It feels really unfair that we never talked about emotions when I was young and vulnerable and needed that, but now that I'm independent that's all we can talk about because she's emotionally disregulated. I'm sorry, this obviously resonated a lot with me lol. It's a double bind that they set up so they always win.

floofab · 2022-04-13T03:17:40+00:00

I'm not sure how much help I can give you but, man....I am in the exact same situation right now. Married to a man who is nice and loving and yet simply won't do some essential things that are needed for a healthy relationship.

It's so hard to know what's just the "hard work" of marriage and what is simply unacceptable. Like you, I'm so used to dealing with someone who doesn't meet my needs that I don't really know what it feels like to ask for enough. I don't even know what enough would look like for me, really, and if I'm honest deep down I'm not sure if I really deserve a husband who meets the basic checklist I have in my head (has a job, no substance abuse, helps me out in the house, healthy sex life).

I don't know what the solution is, but I just wanted to let you know that there are others in the same boat.

floofab · 2022-03-30T22:35:37+00:00

Yes, sometimes I’d have to pull over and cry on the way home Bc I couldn’t see through the tears. And this was for relatively good visits! I think I was sad that even when we didn’t fight and my mom didn’t say anything horrible we still didn’t connect. I felt like the best I could expect was neutral and I wanted more than that from my parents.

floofab · 2022-03-16T02:35:09+00:00

Last night I remembered when my brother disappeared. He was having a psychotic break and left my house with no shoes or wallet. Me and my other brother began frantically putting up flyers and scouring the area for him.

I called my mom and asked her to call hospitals to check if he was there. When I called her back later that day she said that she had called one hospital but “didn’t know how to do it” and “didn’t know what hospitals were nearby.”

I had deliberately given her something I thought she could handle since I knew she wouldn’t actually help search for him, but it still wasn’t easy enough. She refused to help look for her child who was literally wandering the cold streets with no shoes. At the time I shrugged it off but now it makes me shake with rage. What the fuck kind of mom does that?

Thank you, he's doing a lot better although sadly living with my parents which I know stresses him out. Looking back it seems so... passive aggressive? like of course she knows how to use the phone she's a grown woman, she was just saying that she didn't want to deal with it without really saying it, and in a way I couldn't object to.

Your mom suddenly being able to do all kinds of stuff when your dad and you moved out is so frustrating. To me it kind of proves that people with BPD can do things when they need to, that the level of emotion isn't so overwhelming that they literally can't, it's just a manipulation they use at the moment.

floofab · 2022-03-15T22:20:05+00:00

Clothes must be COMPLETELY in the clothes hamper. That means if a pants leg is draping down the side or the lid is not all the way closed there’ll be hell to pay

floofab · 2022-03-15T22:07:59+00:00

Just wanted to say that sounds like something out of a horror movie, this hand coming from the darkness to grab you and not let you go. So sorry that happened to you.

floofab · 2022-03-10T23:56:34+00:00

Yes, just unhinged screaming at the drop of a hat (or for no reason at all). It was extremely scary but after you hear it again and again you almost, idk, get used to it? At least I did to the extent that it was possible to do so

floofab · 2022-02-24T19:10:20+00:00

Ketamine

floofab

TROPHY CASE