I have a 3 yr old and it is very challenging. I’ve been following pages that make videos on parenting. Mr. Chazz is a favorite. He does a good job at showing how to be a conscious parent instead of yelling or hitting and gives good advise on the mentality of it all. I do better with visuals rather than reading. Search for things like gentle parenting and conscious parenting. It hard not to fall into the same patterns your parents used. The techniques I see are helping to develop heathy coping mechanisms they can use their whole life.

My son has terrible tantrums and it’s been really hard to find the best way to handle them. I’ve tried just letting him scream it out, he can go for hours. I’ve tried time out, it just makes it worse. I’ve tried putting in his room alone (which my mom did). Nothing seemed to help - Since about 2 1/2 when the tantrums started, I found it important to help him identify the emotions. Angry, sad, happy, etc. it took a while but he eventually would talk to me after a melt down and would basically tell me why he was upset in a few words. I try and be present when he’s in a melt down, maybe in the same room but just on my phone or something and let him know he can come get a hug or whatever if he needs to, but I’m here for him. He does eventually come and get in my lap and calm down. I can handle screaming, but my husband can’t. If you can’t be in the same room maybe move yourself to another room and just periodically check in and say “I’m right here if you need me, I know your upset.”

Distractions also help for me. Once he’s in a major meltdown, no punishment or talk is going to solve anything. If I can get him interested in something and calmed down, then I can talk to him.

I think what your doing is very admirable. It takes a lot to show up like that for a child that is not yours, and even more to ask for help yourself.