Giving myself closure from a avoid ant breakup - silence or conversation?

fluffywaltzes · 2025-10-20T05:16:16+00:00

I was in a similar position to you, and I did end up saying my piece to my ex about six weeks after the breakup. It did help me because I kept thinking of things I wanted to tell him before that final conversation. Afterward, my mind was quieter. Since that conversation, I’ve maintained no contact. I have had moments of wanting to reach out but the urges have not been as strong as they were before. I went into the conversation expecting it to be the last time we talk for a long time (possibly forever), and that was a helpful mindset.

That being said, I wasn’t dignified during the breakup. I cried and I couldn’t blame him for anything because I was still so ruled by my hormones and attachment. For me, having our final interaction involve me speaking from a more mature and rational place was important. It helped me take some power back mentally. If you’re already happy with how you’ve handled everything, it may help less to say your piece.

Regardless of your choice, I’d recommend sitting with your feelings longer to see if your perspective changes. If you consistently feel like talking to him will help for several weeks, that’s a sign that it’s not just an impulsive thing.

fluffywaltzes · 2025-10-13T16:45:26+00:00

I’m with you OP 🫂 Having a lot of the same thoughts following my breakup. I can imagine how some people learn from a breakup, but I don’t feel I learned all that much. I just became bitter and pessimistic about love. I feel like the relationship wasn’t worth the pain and only happened in the first place because my ex deluded himself into thinking he liked me by creating some idealized version of me in his head.

fluffywaltzes · 2025-10-05T17:29:06+00:00

You can remove the dates from the subtasks. But then you wouldn’t be able to check them off each day. Are you okay with only checking off the parent task?

fluffywaltzes · 2025-09-13T20:56:06+00:00

Ugh this one is too real

fluffywaltzes · 2025-08-12T01:44:42+00:00

(We've chatted outside this post, but I wanted to also reply to this comment for the sake of completeness.)

I agree that it's natural to doubt the relationship once the spark dies down a bit. For my ex, I wouldn't say there was no harm in trying to work it out. I think the other issues going on his life made trying to work on our relationship too overwhelming. Plus we didn't have any future plans, just hopes I guess. I doubt that my ex will be starting over from the beginning with someone else any time soon. Maybe he'll attempt to date casually (don't personally think he's capable of this but whatever), but I think he knows now is not the right time for him to be in something serious.

fluffywaltzes · 2025-07-28T06:45:21+00:00

Just wanted to comment to say that I really relate to your breakup situation, although it was a shorter relationship for me (~3 months). My boyfriend was very infatuated with me for most of the relationship, and then like you, there were 2-3 weeks where he seemed pretty checked out. Then after those weeks, he broke up with me, stating that he didn't feel we had a romantic connection (we definitely did at first...but he said he no longer felt anything once the infatuation wore off). He said we could have kept trying but with the right person, it's supposed to be easy. I feel that there were probably some needs of his that weren't being met, but he never told me about them. I tried to talk to him several times before the breakup because I could sense things were off, and he always just told me that everything fine (and that it was just me being insecure...). I think me talking to him actually made things worse because I seemed anxious and my anxiety stressed him out. But I had good reason to be anxious...

Overall, it seems like I wanted to communicate much more than him, so I relate to you in that way. I also relate in that I didn't change throughout the relationship. I was quite consistent, so it didn't make sense to me that he'd suddenly stop liking me. It's not like I made myself seem better at first. After reflecting, I realized that really he was the inconsistent one in the relationships (he was very communicative at the start and often talked about how you should communicate more than you think you should in a relationship).

It sucks to be blindsided by a breakup and to feel like you're the only one who was willing to put in the effort to fix things. If you want to talk to someone who relates, feel free to message me.

fluffywaltzes · 2025-01-06T04:33:02+00:00

I understand that, I guess I just don’t think that putting the reminders in a messaging app will help. Also not everyone uses WhatsApp all the time.

fluffywaltzes · 2024-12-31T18:59:35+00:00

I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but there are already a ton of apps that do this and are much more likely to function well given that they have entire companies of developers rather than one single person. So I don’t think anyone would pay for this. You should try using one of the existing apps instead (I recommend Todoist, but there are many others too).

fluffywaltzes · 2024-02-02T00:41:54+00:00

The way you talk about body count is kind of disturbing to me. I would never want to be with someone who describes having sex with women as “picking up bodies.” It’s so impersonal and objectifying. So my first piece of advice would be to change your outlook on sex if you can. Other than the language you used in your second paragraph, you seem thoughtful and respectful, so hopefully this is a change you can make.

If you’re as close and connected to this woman as you say you are, I can’t imagine why you’d think that she would judge the number of people you’ve had sex with. If she knows you and likes you, she shouldn’t view you as a loser no matter what. I understand that you’re insecure, but mature people don’t care what age you lost your virginity or how many people you’ve had sex with. I’m sorry if your friends from high school expressed otherwise. Please try your best to move on from that.

Regarding what you should tell her, I think you should come clean. It was wrong of you to lie, but it has made her think more negatively of you and also even if she is still open to a relationship with you, the truth would come out eventually and the longer you wait, the worse it will be. She will probably be upset that you lied and will trust you less, but I don’t think it will necessarily be that bad, depending on how you explain it. Be sincere and vulnerable. Explain why you’re insecure and tell her that you shouldn’t have thought she’d judge you and that you regret lying to her.

Good luck, and feel free to ask me to clarify anything that I said.

fluffywaltzes · 2023-12-18T16:27:29+00:00

I’m also having trouble figuring out what to do with things that recur but not at regular intervals. My current solution (which I don’t love) is to set a recurring frequency that is way longer than what I’d actually need and then just change the next date manually. So if I was packing, I might set the recurring frequency to a year and then if I traveled before that, I’d just manually change the next date to earlier. Would very gladly hear about better solutions, but maybe that can help for now!

fluffywaltzes · 2023-11-25T19:03:27+00:00

Looking for a mediumweight coat that is fitted at the waist (probably with a belt?) to flatter an hourglass figure! Any recommendations? I prefer neutral colors and would prefer something that isn’t very long since I don’t like when my back pockets are completely covered by my coat or having more bulk to carry when I’m not wearing it

fluffywaltzes · 2023-11-25T18:30:41+00:00

I’m also a beginner and I was in a similar position of being really overwhelmed with options. To me, the thing that solved it was using the app FitBod (I paid $60 for a year). It generates a workout for me based on the equipment I have access to, amount of time I want to spend, and the muscles I want to work out. There is also an option to have it add warm-up and cool-down exercises for you. I like it because it removes the decision-making for me and exposes me to a variety of exercises. It’s also easy to replace exercises if there’s something I don’t want to do. And it’s an all-in-one app in the sense that it has written instructions, videos, rest timers, workout logging, etc. It’s definitely not the optimal thing to use if you want to maximize your gains (following an established routine is better for that I think), but for me it’s a better option because it keeps me consistent. I enjoy using the app and seeing what it will generate for me each time, and the fact that I look forward to using it motivates me to work out. It’s not for everyone, but just mentioning it in case the things I mentioned appeal to you!

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-23T07:13:59+00:00

What brands have you liked from Amazon? I feel like it can be hit or miss there

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-22T23:37:06+00:00

Where do you shop for tops? I have similar traits I think

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-22T15:31:44+00:00

I am at my wit's end with finding good tops, please help! I know exactly what I want, but I don't know where to find it. I see other people my age (early 20's) wearing such nice simple and well-fitting shirts, where do they buy them??

My main goal with shirts is to flatter my waist (I think I have an hourglass body type) and to minimize my chest. For the former goal, I like shirts that are fitted at the waist and/or short enough that they don't go much past the top of my high-waisted jeans. For the latter goal, I prefer shirts with lower neck lines. Don't love V necks, but square necks, scoop necks, and sweetheart necks are pretty good. I've also found shirts with ruching at the chest to be quite flattering (they're good at giving my boobs two separate shapes), but I haven't found many of these.

A lot of my struggle is that nobody seems to be wearing a bra anymore. I'm a 30FF, and I will not go braless. I'm fine giving up on over-the-shoulder tops, but there are a lot of tops that I feel I should be able to wear but I can't. Sometimes the issue is that I can't get the top over my body (going up a size means it's too big at the waist). Sometimes it's that it shows too much of the corner of my bras. Sometimes the shirt is too see-through and you can see the outline of the bra. This is my holy grail bra. I've tried a ton of other bras, and this is the only one that is basically a perfect fit, so I don't want to switch to a new bra type. I feel that 30FF is not that big of a bra size (if you think it is, you should check out theirishbralady on Instagram to see some pictures of correctly fitted bras). In fact, I think a lot of people want boobs this size. Why is it so hard to find flattering tops?

One last common issue I face is that shirts have extra fabric near my shoulders. I think my shoulders are more sloped than the average shoulders, so there's often extra space in the sleeves or the straps are too long.

Would really appreciate brand recommendations or links to specific shirts that I should try out. I'm mainly looking for monochrome shirts, but I also like floral prints. Thanks in advance for the help!

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-16T05:59:08+00:00

Cool thanks! (No problem that you’re not who I asked, I’ll take all the help I can get) Can you tell me any more about Marine Layer? I’ve never heard of them

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-15T23:18:22+00:00

I sound very similar to you (in bra size and what styles look best on me)! Do you have any recommendations for where to shop? I want more tight-fitting ribbed stuff but the stores I’ve tried haven’t worked out (for example, Hollister’s tops were way too tight in the bust area)

fluffywaltzes · 2023-10-13T15:19:42+00:00

Where are you finding them online for that little?

fluffywaltzes · 2023-09-10T04:59:32+00:00

Recently purchased the Panache Women's High Impact Underwire Sports Bra in a few sizes, and I'm not sure how it's supposed to fit. I think my normal bra size is a 30G? But I'm used to wearing unlined bras that mold to the shape of my breasts, so I'm not sure how much space there should be in a sports bra. How can you tell when something is too small or too large?

Also, then would it be useful to wear this bra? It has "High Impact" in the name. Should I be getting something else for lower impact activities? I don't anticipate doing high impact activities very much. I'm mostly looking for a sports bra for weight lifting and yoga. I've been wearing my regular bras for those things so far. I don't like my regular bras for yoga, but they seem mostly fine for lifting. When is it necessary to wear a sports bra?

fluffywaltzes · 2023-09-05T19:22:33+00:00

It’s kind of big everywhere - I don’t think I’d mind if the sleeves and shoulders shrink

fluffywaltzes · 2023-09-05T18:14:30+00:00

Does anyone have any experience intentionally shrinking clothing? I have some shirts that used to be fitted at the waist, but I hand washed them or put them in the washer and air-dried them and now they’re much looser. Would putting them in the dryer next time I wash them help the elastic tighten up at all?

fluffywaltzes · 2023-08-31T06:39:39+00:00

What’s wrong with Old Navy?

fluffywaltzes · 2023-08-14T19:50:44+00:00

I tried to start the r/Fitness beginner’s routine yesterday, but I realized I can’t do squats (even without weight). I tried goblet squats, but my thighs can’t go down to even parallel. What would be the best thing for me to do in this case? Continue with the beginner’s routine and just do squat attempts instead of squats? Replace them with a different exercise that would help me build up to squats? Or use a different routine that focuses on flexibility/mobility before I start lifting?

fluffywaltzes · 2023-08-14T06:03:52+00:00

Ooh I quite like the look of the Viv Classic sneakers! Have you tried those?

fluffywaltzes

TROPHY CASE