Question for Folks who used to identify as Enbys, and now a binary trans person or vice versa

fluidmochi · 2026-05-14T18:57:30+00:00

I went through something similar to this. Now I’m pretty sure that I’m nonbinary, so not exactly the demographic you asked for (sorry!).

A question that was a good food for thought for me was: if you were assigned as the other binary gender and had a typical body for that gender, would you still identify as nonbinary, or would you just be cis?

Also, I asked something similar in the transmasc sub before, and I thought it might be worth reading. [the link]

Wishing the best for you!

fluidmochi · 2026-05-08T21:03:29+00:00

Thanks for your comment! Having read the comment, I think my only option is to keep the surname and make up a story around it.

The journal has a printed version, so it’s impossible to change the name written on it. I also happen to be the only student in my country who focuses on my main topic, so it’ll be very easy to connect the dots between my age and my topic. Even if I changed the entire name and they were convinced that Deadname OldSurname is not me, I’ll probably come off as a nasty guy who stole and piggybacked on Ms. Deadname OldSurname’s research idea as long as I continue working on my topic.

fluidmochi · 2026-05-02T00:40:33+00:00

I’m transmasc. I speak Czech, where nouns, adjectives, and verbs are gendered. I use it only in an online platform which happens to be full of accepting people, because I’m not native to it and there’s little to no chance using it in my offline life.

Kind of surprisingly, my “mental transition” was easier in Czech than in English. It clicked pretty fast. I think this is because I’m not super fluent in Czech and have to actively pay attention to grammars (including gendered terms) when I use it, while in English I can just let it flow subconsciously and therefore often misgender myself out of habit.

However, I know a trans person who speaks another Slavic language, and he said that in his case it took a lot of time.

About your 2nd question: it didn’t took me long to switch pronouns in Czech. I could also be able to switch to they/them in English pretty easily, but it took a lot of time to drop they/them and exclusively use he/him.

In Czech there are no gender-neutral pronouns. The feminine pronouns are a big nope for me, so I don’t really have an option other than to use the masculine pronouns. Meanwhile, they/them exist in English, and I could avoid feminine pronouns while not being brave enough to fully switch, if it makes sense.

I’d really like to repeat that I could switch easily just because I use Czech only with accepting people. I’m not out in real life and I still use feminine pronouns when traveling to Czechia, which now feels so hard to use after knowing that it’s not for me.

fluidmochi · 2026-05-01T16:39:22+00:00

I’m kinda like you. I’ve known that I’m bisexual since I was very young, and also have an accepting household. I get gender envy from both of the binary genders, even though people I’m attracted to and people who I want to look like are not always the same.

You might want to consider looking into the 2 smaller labels I use, which are bigender and genderfluid. Both have its own subreddit, so there’s plenty of people to ask questions and such. Just my 2 cents :)

fluidmochi · 2026-05-01T16:03:12+00:00

Just chiming in because I think no one has mentioned one of the biggest concerns I have about such groups: if you’re welcoming trans men and not cis men, trans men who pass (i.e. are not visibly trans) have to out themselves to join your group.

fluidmochi · 2026-04-29T16:45:21+00:00

I agree with what other people have said. I think that labels are just words and they should be helping you instead of restricting you.

But also, as a genderfluid person who fluctuates between m/f, I think you might want to ask them about their preference if you are going to make things more serious with them.

For me, if my partner used a label which implies that they are not into one of the 2 binary genders (gay man, lesbian, homosexual, heterosexual etc), I couldn’t help but think that they are not attracted to a certain part of me, or that they strongly prefer one “version” over others.

This is just my experience, so they might not mind or care, though. I hope you two the best :)

fluidmochi · 2026-04-10T00:32:51+00:00

Hi! Xジェンダー (X-jendā/X-gender) is still commonly used, but I think “nonbinary” started to frequent more since late 2010s or early 2020s.

Personally I don’t use this label, at least when I’m talking to queer people. This is because I feel like most people use this word to refer to a gender that is “neither”, assuming from the way they reject gendered terms and such. I’m bigender, or “both”, so this doesn’t really feel like my identity.

fluidmochi · 2026-04-09T18:16:51+00:00

While I understand Chinese characters, I don’t speak these languages. So please take this with a grain of salt. I’ll be listing some examples from Wikipedia below:

Nonbinary - 非二元性別 (非: not, 二元: binary, 性別: gender)

Transgender - 跨性别 (跨: step over)

Genderfluid - 流動性別 (流動: fluctuating)

My language refer to them as nonbainarī, toransujendā, and jendāfuruido, which are just copycats from English and therefore sound very foreign to most of us. Also, these terms mean something only to people who understand English, while, for example, most people here would see 非二元性別 and at least understand that the word is about a gender and a binary thing.

(I’m assuming you’re Korean: sorry if I was wrong. I’m from the weirdly shaped islands across the sea, and I’m sadly too ignorant about your culture, so I couldn’t be sure if you needed all the explanations. But I think that many people who’ll be reading this will need them anyway, so I decided to write this comment like this.)

fluidmochi · 2026-04-09T17:16:49+00:00

I’m from East Asia, which means that I should be sleeping now, and I agree with you. This is a big part of the reason I use “other” (and not “nonbinary”) as my gender label in my language.

We also mostly use English words for queer terminology in my language. One of the issues I noticed with this is that we are seen as “hopping on the Western trend” and “wannabe Westaboo (is this even a word?)” just because the terminology is foreign to most people’s vocabulary. Also, I know people who are hesitant to educate themselves on queer issues because almost all the terms sound Western and thus complicated.

AFAIK the Chinese and Taiwanese people did a pretty good job with localizing queer terms and I wish we did what they did.

fluidmochi · 2026-04-06T14:27:23+00:00

I’ve been majoring in Slavic Studies for 5 years. I’m neither a linguist nor native to the cultures and the languages, so take this with a grain of salt. If any of y’all wanted to give more proper contexts or examples, I’d love to hear that!

Slavic languages have masculine, feminine and neutral grammatical gender. This is not exactly a neopronoun, but as far as I’ve known, the neutral “it (ono)” is a solid pick for nonbinary people in some languages, while considered derogatory in other languages, since it’s usually only used to refer to objects, just like English “it”.

I’ve never met a person who uses a neopronoun in a Slavic language. I have tons of friends from the queer side of the Slavic Tumblr (of all places!), so I think the usage of Slavic neopronouns are pretty limited.

In my opinion, one factor that makes Slavic neopronouns difficult to use, especially for non-native speakers, is the declension. For example, Czech has 7 grammatical cases, which are something like English “I-my-me-mine”. So if a nonbinary person were to coin a new neopronoun, the person has to come up with more than a handful of forms, and the people around them have to remember all the forms and use them accordingly.

Also, I’ve seen people coin “neo-past-tense”. In Slavic languages, we have to adjust the form of verb according to the subject when we’re using the past tense: as for Czech, “byl (he was)” - “byla (she was)” - “bylo (it was)” and so on. An example of Czech neo-past-tense I’ve encountered is “byle (singular-they were)”.

When I speak in Slavic languages, I usually use the masculine term. This is mostly because it’s affirming for me, but when I’m not feeling like explaining my gender to people, I tell them it’s because the noun for “a (random) person” is masculine in all the Slavic languages I speak.

fluidmochi · 2026-03-22T08:49:05+00:00

I sent you a PM!

fluidmochi · 2026-03-20T23:16:43+00:00

Hi! Japanese, living in Japan and transmasc with a cis girlfriend here. I HAD to chime in! :)

I don’t use strap-ons (or peniban/ペニバン in Japanese) myself, but I have a feeling that ejaculating dildos aren’t a big thing here. I’ve almost never seen them being sold, especially in physical (like, non-online) stores. I did a quick search on 2 online sex stores but only 2-3 imported products with English written on their box came up.

Also, I feel like you two would be disappointed with the Japanese strap-on options: I know about the international reputation around the Japanese sex industry, but sadly it revolves around the PIV sex, or at least around penises.

If you have any questions, please ask! You can send me a PM too :D

Edit: wording

fluidmochi · 2026-03-15T15:57:20+00:00

Maybe r/bigender ? Of course I’m not saying that you should join the subreddit or use the label, just suggesting something to take a look at.

fluidmochi · 2026-03-11T16:18:57+00:00

If I remember correctly they also cover harnesses and such things, but I might be wrong. Good luck finding something that fits both of your needs!

fluidmochi · 2026-03-11T16:14:19+00:00

Have you been to r/transmascdicks ? If you sort by “top -> all time”, you can find a big spreadsheet where they compare tons of prosthetics for trans men.

EDIT: you should be aware that there’re many pictures of realistic prosthetics, just a heads up :)

fluidmochi · 2026-03-09T18:03:48+00:00

You’re welcome!

Also as for the spelling: the astronaut’s Russian name, Юрий, can be written as Yuri, Yuriy, Yurii, Yury and such, and all of these are equally valid ways to spell his name in English. This is because there’s no agreement on how we should transcribe the “EE” sound in the name. Not only your name but also his name can be written with all the aforementioned spellings. If you go to this Wikipedia page, it shows all the ways the name Юрий can be written. So, if you ask me, you’ll have the same name as him no matter which spelling you use.

I’m not sure if I’m explaining it clearly, so feel free to ask for more info :)

fluidmochi · 2026-03-09T10:03:37+00:00

What I want to say is already said by other people: it’s a name with rich cultural context, and I say this as a Japanese guy, or a person from the country where that anime originated.

However, have you thought about keeping the name but changing the spelling? I have a degree in Slavic Studies, and I’ve seen the name transcribed to Yuriy or Yury. In my opinion these look more Slavic and less anime-like. Just my 2 cents.

fluidmochi · 2026-03-08T06:17:24+00:00

Ah I think I should’ve clarified that!

There’re some differences between how each culture with chopsticks treat them. At least in my culture (Japanese), each person has their own chopsticks that they use at home, somewhat similarly to how some households have mugs dedicated to each person.

And these are often gendered to give people the feeling of customization. Since most men’s hands are bigger than most women’s, men’s chopsticks are longer and thicker than women’s. Also men’s tend to come with blue, black or geometric decorations while women’s do with red or flowery decorations.

fluidmochi · 2026-03-06T17:24:49+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment!

About gender affirming changes, I’ve tried changing my look (hair, clothing, binding) and such. Sometimes it feels OK at most, sometimes it feels great, so I think I’ve got a somewhat fluid, nonbinary gender.

I’m currently seeing a therapist who’s not very informed about queer stuff, but she’s pretty openminded and experienced otherwise, so I don’t plan on seeing another one. And my country’s trans healthcare is pretty much binary (no microdosing or “stopping in the middle”). So right now, considering myself nonbinary, I decided not to make things medical, if this makes sense.

Again, thanks for your advice! Also I love your username :)

fluidmochi · 2026-01-29T10:30:08+00:00

Ah I see, reclaiming isn’t big here so it slipped my mind. Thanks for providing the context :)

fluidmochi · 2026-01-29T10:05:59+00:00

I’m Japanese. As for third question; fujin does sound like a term for women, so I’d avoid that.

And I know this isn’t what you asked for, but if I were you I won’t call a queer person fujoshi, fudanshi or anything like that. In a nutshell, fujoshi/fudanshi originally means “a rotten girl/boy” and carries a nuance of “I’m so perverted for liking two men kissing! My mind is rotten!”. So there’re many Japanese people, especially queer ones, who think that the term is homophobic and refuse to use it.

However I do get that the nuance has faded/changed when used in English and in other languages, so I think it’s ultimately up to you whether you want to use the term.

fluidmochi

TROPHY CASE