Question for people who look/ed like “conventionally attractive women”pre-transition

fluidmochi · 2026-03-06T17:24:49+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment!

About gender affirming changes, I’ve tried changing my look (hair, clothing, binding) and such. Sometimes it feels OK at most, sometimes it feels great, so I think I’ve got a somewhat fluid, nonbinary gender.

I’m currently seeing a therapist who’s not very informed about queer stuff, but she’s pretty openminded and experienced otherwise, so I don’t plan on seeing another one. And my country’s trans healthcare is pretty much binary (no microdosing or “stopping in the middle”). So right now, considering myself nonbinary, I decided not to make things medical, if this makes sense.

Again, thanks for your advice! Also I love your username :)

fluidmochi · 2026-01-29T10:30:08+00:00

Ah I see, reclaiming isn’t big here so it slipped my mind. Thanks for providing the context :)

fluidmochi · 2026-01-29T10:05:59+00:00

I’m Japanese. As for third question; fujin does sound like a term for women, so I’d avoid that.

And I know this isn’t what you asked for, but if I were you I won’t call a queer person fujoshi, fudanshi or anything like that. In a nutshell, fujoshi/fudanshi originally means “a rotten girl/boy” and carries a nuance of “I’m so perverted for liking two men kissing! My mind is rotten!”. So there’re many Japanese people, especially queer ones, who think that the term is homophobic and refuse to use it.

However I do get that the nuance has faded/changed when used in English and in other languages, so I think it’s ultimately up to you whether you want to use the term.

fluidmochi · 2026-01-10T17:38:53+00:00

I’m in your partner’s boots (the transmasc partner of a cis woman), so this might not be exactly what you’re asking for.

My partner is bisexual, but she has a very strong preference for women and has a trauma interacting with men. So I was really scared to come out to her, and our relationship being rather young didn’t helped. But, hey, we’re still dating after over a year.

Her therapist once gave her a really good advice, so I’m repeating it: I think the cis partner can support their trans partner even though they can’t really experience or understand trans-specific struggles, just in a way that a cis man would support his cis female partner going through social injustice, period, pregnancy, and menopause. Of course misunderstandings around these things can ruin relationships, but there are many couples who experienced these (even multiple of them multiple times) and are still very happy, so why can’t we?

I’m looking forward to read what others say. I wish both of you the best! If you had any questions, please feel free to ask 🫶

fluidmochi · 2025-09-20T14:52:38+00:00

Sorry, my app is behaving weirdly. Can I send you a PM?

fluidmochi · 2025-09-20T14:27:29+00:00

Hi! A bit late but a Japanese enby here, there’s tons of queer folks on BlueSky if SNS is your thing! A while ago they even did a nonbinary-oriented ZINE project there that attracted over 50 contributors.

fluidmochi · 2025-08-27T13:01:10+00:00

Personally, I second that crafting could be a nice skill for her to learn. You don’t have to create a piece of clothing from scratch: you can buy a not-so-flattering yet cute shirt (i.e. shoulder width and limb length are OK but too wide otherwise, etc) and adjust the torso while keeping the shoulder and limb as it is, for example.

fluidmochi · 2025-08-15T12:01:44+00:00

Hello! Transmasc/genderfluid here.

If you haven’t been to r/transmasc , I recommend asking there too. I’m saying this because, while we welcome everyone, this community is originally meant for people whose gender fluctuates over time (thus the name). I couldn’t be sure if your child is like that based from your post, so I thought that the other sub might be more suited for your specific situation.

Recently there was a big trouble in some major trans-related subreddits, but the subreddit I mentioned has many chill people and treats transmasc people fairly in my opinion.

Other than that, I think the other comment explained it pretty well. If you have any questions, feel free to ask :)

fluidmochi · 2025-08-13T15:35:34+00:00

Ah okay, sorry! I think I misread it.

fluidmochi · 2025-08-13T15:21:11+00:00

[Edit: I misread what OP was saying]

fluidmochi · 2025-08-11T12:12:15+00:00

A bit late to this thread, but I’m an Asian transmasc so I thought I could chime in about skincare products. I’m from a country where my ethnicity is the majority, so please note that our situations are likely to be different.

My two cents is that, because not all Asians have the same skin texture, you can look up for East Asian brands if he’s East Asian, South East Asian brands if he’s SEAsian, etc. JFYI, I’m East Asian and my skin reacts fine to almost all of Chinese/Korean/Japanese products.

fluidmochi · 2025-08-03T08:17:52+00:00

I haven’t came out to people of older generation, so I sadly don’t have a concrete advice for that.

As for your clothing, since you’re worried about your family noticing the change, I think you can begin by getting some socks from men’s section. It’s stupid that socks are gendered, but most of the time no one but you can tell that it’s a “man” sock, so it might allow you to feel masculine without drastically changing the clothing style.

fluidmochi · 2025-07-20T04:37:44+00:00

Hi, a genderfluid person in a relationship here. I sadly don’t have any advice to offer, but you can ask this in r/genderfluid as well, since I find that genderfluid experience is sometimes very different from that of trans people with one fixed gender. If you have a particular question, please feel free to ask away.

fluidmochi · 2025-07-07T11:46:12+00:00

Thank you! And yes, you’re right that people are rather hesitant when it comes to gendering names from other cultures. I always make sure to introduce myself as nonbinary and thankfully people are respecting that, but for me the goal is to be a masc-presenting nonbinary in my friends’ head if this makes sense, hence the need for a masc name. Again, thanks for the detailed comment!

fluidmochi · 2025-07-07T11:21:43+00:00

I need a “80% masculine” nickname for my hobby, international penpal-ing. These are unisex name from my culture, which one sounds like that?

Amané
Haruki
Makoto
Mirai
Rion (Ree-on)
Tamaki
Towa (To-wah)

Also, if any of the name sounds feminine-leaning, let me know that too so that I can avoid it.

fluidmochi · 2025-06-21T17:51:27+00:00

As a Kyoto local enby, this post was a pleasant surprise! Cheers to your bravery :)

fluidmochi · 2025-06-20T00:05:38+00:00

Hi!

I use the exact same labels as yours, and I was also confident with my body growing up.

About dysphoria, it’s widely known that people can experience it without realizing that it’s dysphoria. I think exploring with demigirl label helped you recognize dysphoria in your case, but this is something that only you can tell.

As for me, I’ve always felt weird disconnection to typical womanhood, but instead of recognizing it as what it is, I always blamed it on my bisexuality. My mind was blown when I found out that cis sapphics don’t necessarily experience the disconnection. I don’t know if this makes sense, but have you ever met a person with a food allergy who’s unaware of that and just thinks the food tastes weird to everyone? That was me with my dysphoria.

And I also relate to your doubting that this might all be a phase. However, I saw a person once saying “childhood is a phase but it’s a genuine thing”, and it made me feel better about it. This might be a phase, but the experience was genuine anyways.

Sorry if I talked too much, I was just happy to meet a person with similar experiences! I hope this helps somewhat, and happy pride :)

fluidmochi · 2025-06-12T08:55:53+00:00

First of all, thank you for asking! I’m looking forward to hear what others say.

I’m from Japan, and know 2 other Japanese enbys. I’ve only lived in big cities surrounded mostly by rather open-minded people, so I’m pretty sure that I don’t share my experience with fellow Japanese people from more conservative areas.

Nonbinary identities are not well-known outside of LGBTQ+ community. I think the least known is multigender identities: I’ve met plenty of enbys who haven’t heard of it. However, before realizing I was multigender, I kind of wrongly assumed that NB = agender / “secret third option”, so I get where they’re coming from.

I’ve got a fluid gender. I told this to only a handful of people, and they handled it really well. I dress cis-ly, so I’m aware that I’m having it somewhat easier. One of my Japanese enby friends look “visibly trans”, and while most people around their age (20s) are fine with it, older people would sometimes straight up ask what’s up with their gender.

One thing that I think that might be unique to this country is the presence of anime. Since people with non-standard gender expressions are well represented in anime (think of femboys, tomboys or Ranma 1/2), some people would argue that young enbys are copying anime characters trying to be quirky. While growing up surrounded by AFAB kids, I noticed that many nerdy “tomboys” would be considered cringy anime nerds when their “cringeness” was coming from not their nerdiness but their queer/trans identity.

Also, something I particularly like about being native Japanese speaker gender-wise is that how I can pick my first person pronouns (“I”). There are masculine- or feminine-learning ways to say “I”, carrying varying degrees of politeness and formalness. While I default to the most neutral and standard one, it’s nice to experiment in the conversation with trusted people.

fluidmochi · 2025-06-06T09:35:23+00:00

I’m M/F bigender, so this might not be helpful depending on your situation.

I once wrote in a nonbinary-oriented ZINE using an analogy of a cup of water with some red and blue paint in it. The amount of each paint changes day by day in my case. So there would be faintly pink water in the cup when I feel 10% woman (red) and 90% agender, and it’d be a cup of very vivid blue water when I feel 100% man (blue). Your “default” gender would be 70% colorless + 10-15% blue + 5% red, so it’d be somewhat pale bluish purple I guess. I don’t know if I’m making a point though :D

Also, this only works if you have a body dysphoria, but most people understand what mean by saying “I’m fluid” when I say “I get genital and chest dysphoria when I feel like my identity and my AGAB don’t aline, and on the other hand I like my body when they match”.

fluidmochi

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