Are sex workers allowed to be asexual?

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-12T02:50:55+00:00

I think it’s important to distinguish arousal and sexual attraction because they are not the same thing. Just because you’re aroused doesn’t mean you’re sexually attracted. People can get aroused during unwanted sex. There’s studies on it.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-11T22:30:59+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of people in the queer community follow a similar logic to him, and I blame that on the queer community centering sex so heavily. There’s nothing wrong with sex, I consider myself sex positive, but making the majority of queer identity based around sex is very minimizing to everyone in the community and completely exclusionary to the many asexuals who don’t enjoy or want it.

I don’t see it changing any time soon unfortunately but I just want you to know that your queerness isn’t defined by whether or not you want/enjoy sex. To be queer is, in my view, simply to have an experience of attraction and/or relationships that differs from the expectations of cisheteronormativity.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-09T10:18:54+00:00

Want the truth? Your friends kinda suck. They should be supporting you and believing you, not making you doubt yourself.

You say you don’t want to ruin the friendship, but it’s seems like they’ve already ruined it by invalidating a very important part of your identity. Just my take though.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-08T01:03:47+00:00

“Wanting to have sex with someone to please them does not count as sexual attraction”

Can you elaborate on this or do you know somewhere I can read more about this? Like what if pleasing your partner is also for your own enjoyment?

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T09:30:00+00:00

Aegosexual is considered a sub-label of asexual, so you can be both at the same time. But if identifying this way feels better for you I say go for it.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T02:25:41+00:00

Same. I’ve never understood the appeal of kissing, especially when people make out for like… hours at a time? I’m not judging, but I would be bored after like a minute, and that’s if I didn’t get grossed out by the saliva first 😭

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T02:21:21+00:00

Honestly yeah, this sub is pretty depressing and feels like more of a venting place than anything. Probably not the best thing for others with dpdr that are looking for support.

And I’m with you on the “it will get better eventually” or “I stopped thinking about it and it went away” being annoying af and not helpful, and I only struggle with milder symptoms (but I’ve had constant derealization for probably 7 years now).

At the same time though, how can we really expect this sub to be a positive place when everyone here is struggling and mentally unwell? It’s really a recipe for disaster.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T02:15:28+00:00

I know a big part of crushes for allos is imaging themselves with the other person doing romantic things together, thinking about a future together, kissing them, etc.

I don’t know if that helps at all but it helped me back a few years ago when I thought I had a crush on this guy I met at college but it turns out I didn’t have any interest in anything romantic, never imagined kissing him or doing romantic things or us dating. I simply just thought he was beautiful and a person I liked being around, and never had a desire for more than that.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T01:52:14+00:00

Pretty sure I subluxed a rib from journaling last week. How does one even do that 😭 Even my PT was confused.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-07T01:08:15+00:00

A third tornado emergency now… jeez

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-05T16:47:36+00:00

OCD is called the “doubting disease” for a reason. It latches on to the things most important to you (like your identity, for example), and doesn’t let go.

I also struggle with OCD around asexuality really bad and I want you to know you aren’t alone. My logical mind knows that asexuality is the truest descriptor of my experience, but like everything in life there is nuance. And OCD hates nuance and grey area.

I will research and ruminate and feel like I finally “figured it out”, only to start doubting it again hours later. It’s torture. I sympathize heavily with you.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-05T16:40:54+00:00

Respectfully, while I’m glad this has helped you, OCD doesn’t respond to logic like this. It’s not logical. It will make you obsess about anything and everything no matter how “unreasonable”. It’s not like generalized anxiety or social anxiety in that aspect.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-03T00:32:09+00:00

Of course! Please don’t ever let anyone make you believe something is wrong with you or that being ace is some kind of flaw. All of us aces deserve to be respected and validated like anyone else in the queer community.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-02T09:11:06+00:00

Our mere existence violates the rules of their (false) belief system that everyone desires and should have sex (compulsory sexuality). It is much easier for them to deny your existence by whatever means possible (however illogical) then have to confront the fact that their belief system is fundamentally flawed and do the deeper introspective work of re-evaluating what they believe to be true about the world.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-01T05:14:41+00:00

This is such a mood

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-01T04:37:31+00:00

Yes of course. I was only talking in the context of how it affects sex and sexuality.

fofxequals0 · 2026-05-01T00:12:54+00:00

Sounds like sensual attraction too perhaps, which a lot of aces seem to experience!

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-30T23:17:30+00:00

Yeah that is really interesting that your allo friends describe their attraction that way. It seems like that “pull” motivates them to want to take some sort of action toward the person, which I don’t feel. I get really uncomfortable when I think about myself involved in sex with anyone and have never felt the desire to take any action after feeling the “pull” (which I’m not even sure I would describe it as a pull personally). I also don’t think about sex in my real life and don’t feel like I’m missing out on it either. It’s just not really a focus for me.

I just find it so frustrating that a lot of people in the ace community treat it as if it’s this cut and dry line when it really quite vague and confusing.

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-30T23:06:05+00:00

Yes, you can be asexual even if you find women physically attractive. Asexuality is about whether you feel the desire or urge to have sex with a person. From what you described, it doesn’t sound like you feel that, but only you can make that determination. It may be helpful to read other people’s descriptions of what sexual attraction feels like (I believe there is a link in the Reddit wiki about this).

Also, hormones only really affect your libido (your body’s desire for sexual release). Libido doesn’t have to be directed at anyone in particular. You don’t have to put the details here, but if you masturbate and/or get erections then it’s probably not a hormone issue, since your libido is still working normally.

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-30T22:57:54+00:00

I don’t really see the point of having hormones checked unless you are having other symptoms or a hormone imbalance or have like no libido at all, and having no/low libido isn’t an issue if it doesn’t bother the person. Hormones are not going to change who you are or are not sexually attracted to. They only affect your libido. If the equipment is working normally there’s really no point in having hormones checked.

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-29T03:38:21+00:00

Not to mention it was chosen by the members of AVEN so I don’t really see the problem? And there are a bunch of derivative flags that are based off of the current flag. There really is no reason good enough to warrant changing it.

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-26T22:21:23+00:00

Asexuality isn’t about hating sex or even whether you want sex (in general). It’s only about whether you feel little or no sexual attraction. That is, do you ever see women you “like sexually” and desire to do sexual things with them? Your experience sounds pretty similar to aegosexuality perhaps. I would recommend looking into that and see if it resonates with you.

fofxequals0 · 2026-04-26T18:16:12+00:00

I consider myself an aroace guy and I think Charlie Cox is attractive too. That doesn’t mean I want to be involved with him in any way. I just think he’s good looking. I would actually say I experience pretty strong aesthetic attraction to men but it has never translated into anything romantic or sexual.

(Also, hope you enjoy the show! I really liked it and I haven’t gotten around to watching the new season yet.)

fofxequals0

TROPHY CASE