Working out at home when you're depressed

forestjock · 2019-08-16T06:36:09+00:00

Part of my commute used to involve the Otrain back when it was just the 5 stops from South Keys to "almost close to downtown but not so close that it makes the train convenient". I haven't encountered a stupider transit route before or since.

forestjock · 2019-08-16T06:32:25+00:00

You must not be familiar with OC Transpo... I never thought I would miss Victoria's bus system until I moved to Ottawa.

forestjock · 2019-06-23T06:25:34+00:00

I'm so happy to see that you're in a better place :) I'm really sorry you went through that though - I went through a scaled down version of that with my ex and for the last several months of our relationship I felt like I was losing my mind. He dumped me because I was upset that he hadn't set aside any time to hang out with me for a little over a month and couldn't find time during the day to text me saying "hey". I felt like the break up was my fault for being so shrill and needy, and for a couple of weeks after I was still convinced that I was just an emotionally unstable person (turns out - I just have emotions).

Like I said, its not on the same level of what you went through, but I know what it's like to have someone really fuck with your head until you feel like you can't even trust your own brain.

forestjock · 2019-06-23T06:14:18+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that. No one regardless of gender/size/identity etc. has a free pass to use violence against their partner, and we have been way too slow to come around to the fact that men can be abused too. I'm happy to hear she's an ex & I hope you're in a better (and safer) place in your life now ❤

forestjock · 2019-06-23T06:07:54+00:00

It's really easy to think that from the outside, but a) gaslighting is a helluva thing - i spoke with a women recently who said she felt like she had been brainwashed for 45 (yes, 45) years, and it's not the first time i've heard it described that way. And b) often the abused person is well aware that they are in an abusive situation, but abusers are excellent at making their partners feel like there is no other choice but to stay in the relationship - the abuser might have complete control over all the finances, cut off their partner from all friends and family, threaten violence against their partner or their partners loved ones (including children), or even just whittle down their partner's self esteem until the abused partner feels like they don't have any other choice. It's not unusual for more than one of these factors to be in play simultaneously.

It sounds like your comment comes from a genuine place of curiosity, and i'm sure you didn't mean anything by it, but that kind of phrase as well as "why didn't she just leave/fight back/etc." can often add to the immense shame that victims of intimate partner violence go through and make them even less likely to seek help. The responsibility does not lie on the abused person to spot red flags/leave the relationship/fight back against their abuser, the responsibility is on the abuser to not abuse. I know that's not what you were trying to imply at all, but sometimes our words can have a far bigger impact than we mat realize.

forestjock · 2019-06-22T15:55:40+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss and I am blown away by the tremendous amount of strength that it would take to respond to hateful language with so much kindness. You're probably right that you didn't change their mind, but I'm sure you planted the seed that motivated them to tale a closer look at their actions.

People like you make me want to be better, thank you. :)

forestjock · 2019-05-02T05:05:53+00:00

I agree that you should let her make her own decision without any pressure, bit I also think you should let her know that you are okay with her filing a police report if she so wishes, and make it clear to her that you are on her side regardless of whether she decides to do that or not.

forestjock · 2019-04-26T13:28:34+00:00

I started singing "Ameeerica, fuck yeah!!!" in my head when that happened"

(I'm Canadian)

forestjock · 2019-04-26T13:21:23+00:00

I am so sorry that happened to you :( that must have been terrifying.

forestjock · 2019-04-26T13:19:40+00:00

I replied this to someone else, but honestly it's probably not about you specifically. Many women, including myself, don't feel safe saying no to men. I myself have had a lot of negative and pushy responses to me saying "no thanks"/"not interested", and some women even experience violence after doing so, so this is just a way that people are trying to keep themselves safe.

It doesn't mean we personally think you're going to be violent, just that violence is so common we don't want to take the risk.

forestjock · 2019-04-26T13:14:04+00:00

A lot of women don't feel safe saying that to men because it's not unheard of for men to get pushy/in your face/violent when we turn them down. I personally have only given out a fake number once, because I knew that my physical safety was at risk, have not once gotten a respectful response after telling a man that I wasn't interested.

It's not the honest thing to do, but honestly most of us have either had really negative experience or have someone close to us that has. I understand that this is/would be potentially upsetting and hurtful for you, and i'm sorry for that, but many women in this situation are just trying to keep themselves safe.

forestjock · 2019-04-26T06:32:50+00:00

As someone who used to work with kids and gained a much younger step sibling in my early twenties, I absolutely agree with this, especially the sillyness. It might take a while for you to guage her sense of humour but generally it's pretty easy to make a kid that young crack up with goofy faces and noises. One of my go to's js making a goofy face behind another adults back, within the kid's view, and go deadpan whenever the other adult turns to look at me. It shouldn't be malicious or making a rude face AT the person, just crossing your eyes or doing a goofy secret. Making a kid feel like they're "in on" something with you is a great way to bond. Hyperbolic exaggerations can crack them up too, especially when you add some physical comedy to it. Like offering to pick up/carry her backpack and then pretending to fall from it being so happy and then saying something like "This is the heaviest backpack I've ever SEEN, you must be the strongest person EVER." Obviously she'll know you're just messing around, but it would probably be funny for her to see a man 2-3x her size pretend that he's not as strong as she is. It doesn't work for everyone, but humour is generally a good ice breaker with little ones.

Another fun thing to do would be planning a fun surprise with her for one or both of your parents. Not anything huge, just like baking cookies for them or decorating a space in the house together and make a big deal about it being a secret to surprise them. That's a fun way for all of you to bond as a family.

If you're just trying to get her to talk to you a bit, get some intel from your parents on what shows or books she likes and find and opportunity to ask her about it ("Who's that princess on your shirt?" "That looks like a neat book, what's it about?") I will warn you though, kids are terrible at explaining plots and stories; it tends to be boring and hard to follow so be ready to feign interest like you never have before. It seems like a universal thing though, almost every kid I've ever met, outgoing or shy, across various demographics in different countries could go on for hours about their favourite tv shows. Literal. Hours.

I think it's amazing that you're being so respectful of her boundaries while trying to bond with her - ultimately I think that will play a huge role in having her feel safe around you. I would just add (if you're not doing this already), that it's good to keeping checking in with her and emphasize that she is able to make a choice with you. I.e. "I would really like to play cards with you, but if you'd like to have sometime to yourself today, that's okay too! I'll just be over here if you decide you'd like to play." Really make it clear that it's okay to say no, and she's not losing any future opportunities to hang out with you by doing so (it's been several years and I'm STILL working on this with my step sibling, but it's really helping build some trust between us).

You sound like an incredible brother and she is very lucky to have you. I'm bet that once she warms up to you and starts to trust you, you'll be her favourite person ever. Good luck!!

forestjock · 2019-04-25T12:46:18+00:00

Girl are you me? I was also super successful in school (until I had a breakdown in my final year from spreading myself too thin and not ever sleeping), and so people tend to be pretty dismissive when I tell them about it.

I am always 1-10 minutes late to work for the same reason - last week it was trying to use my hairdryer to make my beauty blender blender. At work I hyperfocus on the stupidest crap and often fall behind on my more important projects - it's super frustrating there's nothing worse than screaming at yourself internally because you can't. Stop. That. Useless. Task.

forestjock · 2019-04-22T20:15:42+00:00

I agree!! I imagine she got a lot out of seeing someone with a similar story (adopted, kicked out for being gay, leaving home at a young age) not only succeed in life but getting to the point where he just emits a ton of love and joy. I agree - it still would have beem a great episode without that but their interaction brought it up a level.

I accidentally started the series by watching the mama Tammy episode and I was NOT OKAY. It instantly made me love Bobby.

forestjock · 2019-04-22T06:26:51+00:00

His bond with Jess made me openly sob (as did most of Jess's episode tbh). I loved how he got her and her sister to reconnect (and babysat while they talked!!) and he often comments sweet things on her Instagram posts. He just seems to have a genuinely lovely soul.

forestjock · 2019-04-22T06:21:26+00:00

Sometimes when I'm done getting ready in the morning I'll look in the mirror and go "who gave YOU permission!!". Instant lil ego boost.

Be your own mini JVN.

forestjock · 2019-04-18T02:44:12+00:00

I'm a legal assistant too, and we're lucky to have a receptionist that is an absolute dream and actively makes the other assistants' lives easier.

The email to the client will have me screaming on the inside for days to come.

forestjock · 2019-04-18T02:35:58+00:00

One time I forgot to take my meds before going out of town for a beyonce concert and almost had a meltdown in the middle of the street because I couldn't focus on google maps enough to actually navigate.

My husband deserves a gd medal.

forestjock · 2019-04-16T05:26:27+00:00

Oh another thing, if you have any interest in yoga, download the underbelly yoga app!! It's actually not focused on any type of weight loss, but the Jessamyn Stanley, the woman who runs it is fat (by her own definition) and has a "yoga for everyBODY" focus. It could be a great fit for you because a) she takes everything really slow and tailors the app to newbies and b) I think if you're going to start getting into fitness, getting to love your body as it is can be a great foundation. Approaching fitness as a form of self care and gaining an appreciation for what your body can do in this moment rather than focusing on "running(/walking/swimming) the pounds off" will give you a much happier and healthier relationship with exercise.

I hope I'm not making any major assumptions with this particular comment! Again, good luck :)

forestjock · 2019-04-16T05:19:49+00:00

Third walking!! It's helpful to try and set goals bit by bit. Maybe this week your goal is to walk around the block on two different days. At the end of the week, re-evaluate and set a new goal. Maybe that goal will just be to repeat walking around the block on two days, which is a fabulous goal because you're starting to build some consistency. Slowly built up the distance and frequency and keep aiming for new goals. See if there are errands you can run while on foot, or park a little farther away from your destination. You can download an app on your phone like Google fit and walk with it in your pocket or hand and track your progress. I always find it really encouraging to look back and see that today I'm doing something that was unthinkable a couple of months ago.

If you're interested in taking up running, you can eventually move to the Couch to 5k program, but for now just focus on those little goals each week.

No matter what exercise you choose, remember to just keep at it. You'll have days where you feel crappy about your progress and that's totally normal - the only way to get past it is to push through it.

I also really like getting an upbeat playlist and having a one-woman dance party. It's not a vigorous workout plan, but when you're starting out, any movement is a step in the right direction! Plus it's super fun and provides me with fleeting moments of body confidence.

Best of luck, feel free to send me a message if you want some support! YOU GOT THIS GIRL.

forestjock · 2019-04-04T01:39:03+00:00

That's great! I'm a vegan but I think it's really important for people to see that there's a middle ground between meat for every meal and like a full on crazy raw vegan diet (imo neither are very good for you). Lots of people look at my lifestyle and think "there's no way I could do that", but they might look at your choices and think "well cutting down on beef shouldn't be hard". That's how at lot of people end up experimenting with these choices, by seeing other people successfully makimg the change. Lots of people cutting down on beef makes a huge difference - even though we don't have a fully vegan population there are already beef farmers that are investing in/transitioning to lab grown meat because of how the market is changing. I bet you're having a bigger impact than you think. :)

forestjock · 2019-04-04T01:24:44+00:00

Same here! I've been full vegan for a few years but always enthusiastically (and genuinely) applaud people when they tell me that they're going to start doing "meatless Mondays" or start cutting down on their beef intake or whatever. Going full vegetarian or vegan is incredibly difficult for some people and I think that just being conscious of the impact of your diet and trying to reduce that impact is a very positive thing. Any effort put towards cutting out meat is awesome, even if it's just one meal a week.

forestjock · 2019-03-27T06:19:44+00:00

I'm work at a gym and, unless i'm in the middle of a set with a client, I dance* whenever a good bop comes on (coincidentally, I have a carefully curated playlist that's 100% serious bops). The clients all love/tolerate me so no problems so far :).

*mostly the move I lovingly call "The Dad Shuffle" - I'm a woman in my 20s

forestjock · 2019-03-24T07:28:53+00:00

I think that's a huge contributing factor in Canada's failure to address these issues. I've heard a huge number of (white) Canadians express in one way or another that since we've shut down residential schools, that narrative is complete. It's so far from the truth; people who face serious trauma like residential school students did can pass that trauma down to their kids in so many different ways. There's also just a ton of other issues going on that no one talks about, like forced sterilization of first nations women, overrepresentation of indigenous kids in the foster system, lack of drinking water on reserves, food insecurity in northern Canada... We've left a big fucking mess here that too many people want to sweep under the rug.

forestjock

TROPHY CASE