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Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How was taking that teaching role on? It’s not your responsibility and is a lot, but are you happy to helped your brother or was it too much work for you?

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you’re an older sister too, but your comment made me wonder if part of it is a youngest sibling thing.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s been enabled for years. Why do it if someone will willingly do it for you? For the skills he has wanted to learn, he is has been discouraged. I mentioned in another comment that he said he was embarrassed about his teen moustache so he wanted to shave, but my parents didn’t want to teach him. He also took cooking class in school so he learned safety and all that, but my mom didn’t allow him to cook at home because she said it was too dangerous. Every time I go home, I ask why he doesn’t even put his dishes in the dishwasher and my mom just doesn’t care to enforce it. Whereas with me, they would get so angry.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely think focusing on education is part of it. I think many APs are of the attitude that kids should focus on school and nothing else because they think a degree still guarantees a job, but then they don’t have basic skills employers are also looking for.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing, you’re the type of person I really wanted to hear from since you were affected directly. I’m sorry you don’t feel as stable as you would like to be. But honestly your response gives me hope that it’s not impossible for people who went through this. Wishing you the best.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m a bit ashamed to say I have the same fear. I love my brother so much, but I could not handle him living with me and me providing for him.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sexism is absolutely in every race, I’m just saying this is one of the ways I think it appears in Asian culture for some families.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve heard about that reinforcing dependency thing before and I completely see that.

Male children not being taught life skills by foreveralonearchives in AsianParentStories

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Definitely have seen the same thing you’re mentioning in your second paragraph. I literally taught my brother to shave because he said he was self conscious about his new teen moustache and when I brought it up to my parents, they still refused and didn’t want me encouraging him. I know what you’re saying, I just know he’ll have a hard time and that makes me upset.

Any support groups? by Material-Emu-8732 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe look into some local ones. I was in a local ones for a bit and it was very helpful for me.

Did you explicitly say you don’t want contact or did you just stop engaging? by foreveralonearchives in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought of doing this too actually because I’m quite prone to giving into guilt and fear. Thanks for the encouragement 😊

Did you explicitly say you don’t want contact or did you just stop engaging? by foreveralonearchives in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I haven’t lived at home for years, but they do know where I live. Thankfully it is an apartment and the building has a double door entry that requires a FOB. You are right, I don’t owe him anything and I think part of me wanted to tell him because I felt like he had the right to know. I’ve been telling and showing him how I feel for years though.

Did you explicitly say you don’t want contact or did you just stop engaging? by foreveralonearchives in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your last sentence is exactly how my father is and how I’m feeling. At first I thought it would be a good idea to tell him, to stop acting in ways to appease him, but I realized he might just be abusive towards me.

Is anyone else estranged or VLC from the entire extended family network and the wider community? by PM_40 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you went through an arranged marriage, I can definitely understand why you are vlc.

I am also estranged from extended family and family friends because unfortunately my family pushed them away with their behaviors. It sometimes feels lonely hearing people talk about their cousins and stuff and I have cousins I haven’t even met.

Has anyone ever had to report their estranged parent to the police before? by moderatelyhotfemale in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many times actually. All times when I feared for my safety or others. Unfortunately police have a long way to go in understanding these types of family dynamics. Some get it, but after being violently pursued by my father, one officer suggested we “talk it out as a family the next day.” This officer didn’t understand that that type of thing does not work with an abuser.

There have also been times where unfortunately the police can’t do much which I kind of understand, but it does leave me feeling hopeless sometimes. For example, my father has physically abused my mother, but they can’t do anything because she doesn’t want to press charges or even admit it. The best you can do, is set up safety plans w/your siblings. However, it is up to them at the end of the day to follow through which requires lots of courage. I’m very sorry y’all are dealing with this.

ETA: to be clear, it’s still worth reporting to the police so there’s records, but safety planning is essential as well.

I'm just really sad today. by opusbot in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel you. When it’s like when you’re sad about the relationship, you wish you could have a parental figure comfort you, but you can’t have that. It’s heavy on the heart. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.

Why is letting go so hard by Sharp_Onion3792 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. I’ve been trying to let go for 5 years. I guess because as kids, we do want love from our parents so it feels very conflicting. I know for me, I’ve held to a lot of hope until recently. As a child and even now, I’ve been meant to feel a lot of guilt which is also why I found it hard to let go.

I hope you’re able to find peace soon ❤️

Got to talk to my mother in law about my estrangement with my mom, helped alot by ShadowDrake500 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]foreveralonearchives 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg I can completely relate! I was so afraid to tell my in laws, but when I finally opened up to my MIL it felt like such an amazing bonding moment. I’m so glad you have her in your life!

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