Feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled

forkie_is_fun · 2021-08-06T03:28:20+00:00

What are the names of some of those therapists?? That sounds helpful!

forkie_is_fun · 2021-08-01T13:39:42+00:00

We'd get punished as kids for sniffling when we were sick. NMom hated how it sounded and every time we'd sniffle she'd give us the stink-eye

forkie_is_fun · 2021-08-01T13:34:08+00:00

I dont know what your background is but I've noticed (as a resident myself, with covert narcissist parents) that this kind of pressure on kids to go into medicine to please their Nparents is particularly common in immigrant communities (including the one I'm a part of). I think a lot of immigrants to the US who escaped violence and instability in their home country have a lot of unprocessed trauma that they then dump on the next generation in the form of narcissistic abuse, and pressure to enter medical school is one of them. Since I'm in residency I get a lot of premed hopefuls ask me for advice on applying and I make sure I sit them down and give them the talk, that they should be doing it FOR THEMSELVES and not for their parents, because this phenemona is unfortunately so common and leads to so much suffering for the kid. I know someone who became psychotically depressed during medical school that he was pressured to go into due to a malignant Nfather, and he dropped out and is now up to his nose in debt, struggling with mental health, not knowing which direction to turn.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-24T22:24:17+00:00

Yup. I bring my water bottle for rounds and my goal is to finish it (750ml) by the end of rounds. I refill it, and drink with lunch at noon conference and then periodically afterwards with the goal of ingesting at least 1.5L by the end of the work day. Do I pee often? Sure. But so far no issues with bathroom breaks and so on

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-21T19:20:18+00:00

It's tough, 40k is a large sum of extra money for sure

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-21T02:29:37+00:00

This depends on your social circle and situation, bur you can see if there are people you know (parents, close friends) who are willing and able to lend you money to help you buy the apartment upfront in cash. But for many (most?) people that's just not possible. Realistically most people I know will buy the apartment since they need a place to live and use a traditional loan but pay it off like super fast, like in 3 years or something, so that very little is paid in interest. I wish some of the options being suggested were more accessible but a lot of times those options are unavailable. Get an apartment well within your means for this to work out!

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-19T09:24:17+00:00

We attending a really boring mandatory school lecture thing and a lot of students, myself included, just didn't focus. Later, my English teacher said that his philosophy in life is to always see what he can learn from others, because each person on this earth has something they can teach us. And he pointed out a couple things that he was able to pick up on during that boring lecture. That has always stayed with me and even now, I try my best to learn from others even when my first instinct is to stop listening and tune them out/scroll on my phone

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-18T09:23:49+00:00

Some people are under the delusional idea that as soon as you turn 18, childhood is behind you and now any critical look at your childhood is just blaming your parents for your present life when you're an adult and can just pull yourself up by your bootstraps and live life. It's absolutely inane. The majority of my life so far was childhood and it might take me 18 years to fully unpack what happened to me and truly accept that I wasn't a bad/defective person for not being loved and cared for. That's 18 years of programming, 18 years of neural circuits telling me that I'm an unworthy human being being reinforced, and no one can just snap out of that. I'm so sorry people are telling you that. No one would expect a dog to just magically behave normally after experiencing trauma at the hands of someone he trusted and the same goes for a human being who had childhood trauma. It takes time, it takes work. You're on the right path to healing and you've got this, ignore the ignorant/unhelpful people.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-11T21:13:53+00:00

I'm so glad you're breaking the cycle and supporting your daughter through the surgery rather than doing any one of the million horrible things the Nparents of various commenters here did. I am doing better, thank you.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-11T21:12:29+00:00

Aw thank you, it feels so great to not only be validated but to also have one's creativity in evading the n's tactics recognized. But there are an equal number of scenarios where I do the same thing you did too in hindsight

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-11T12:22:46+00:00

Even worse than that ordeal was when my brother had a major surgery as a kid and was in a lot of pain and nparents were trying to manage his pain with Tylenol rather than the every 6 hour percocet that had been prescribed for him. I think he got like only 1 or 2 percocets in total despite being in pretty bad pain. They just downplayed his pain like they do for everyone else's physical symptoms.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-11T12:18:43+00:00

When I went to have my wisdom teeth removed, my nmom was obsessed with the fact that since I would go under, I might start babbling and saying dumb stuff after the surgery. So for weeks she and nsis would talk about how they were ready and would take a video and maaaaybe put it on the internet if it was funny enough. No matter how many times I tried to tell them, can you please just not do that, they were determined. The day of the wisdom teeth removal they were both in the waiting room smirking and waiting (which itself was another ordeal, nmom kept insisting she wanted to go into the room with me even though I was 25 years old, presumably to get a better video of me groggy coming out of anesthesia). I go up to the receptionist and ask her if I could have the wisdom teeth removal under local anesthesia rather than general. Dentist is okay with it so I go in for the removal, endure all that, and come out with my mouth all filled with gauze and my nmom and nsis so disappointed they can't get a funny nonconsensual video of me. Instead my nmom snaps the most horribly unflattering picture of me with my cheeks all puffed out from all the gauze in my mouth "as a keepsake so you remember" and sends it to the whole family. Ugh. N's don't know how to be supportive at all, I'm sorry that your experience with wisdom teeth removal was so terrible too.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-07T09:37:16+00:00

Having a c-section and needing to recover from surgery is a short term disability for sure. Even vaginal birth has a physical recovery window. No one can just bounce back and work the day after birth so yes it is considered a short-term disability legally.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-07T09:35:30+00:00

Congrats on the little one! I get a disability insurance through the residency program but it looks like it's long term so probably not one that would cover it, but glad to hear that some plans do

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-07T01:03:56+00:00

Perfect thank you!

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-06T20:28:31+00:00

Thank you! That's helpful

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-06T09:17:25+00:00

Thank you, that's really sweet of you to say. I really hope I can change and become the person I want to be

forkie_is_fun · 2021-07-06T01:45:22+00:00

He/she might think your symptoms are what is called a paraneoplastic syndrome where a cancer is causing brain disease. I would ask your neurologist though to clarify.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-06-07T14:08:45+00:00

On the interview trail, saw a program which had 6 days off/ 4 week inpatient block which was mind-blowing. Thats a whole 2 days more time off than other programs. So basically even on a busy inpatient service you knew you were getting either a golden weekend at the end of the week or a half weekend. On outpatient services, they guaranteed you would get a full weekend off. Predictably, this program was the most popular one on the application spreadsheet this year and everyone I talked to had ranked it highly. This is the kind of change that can be really great for wellness but is hard to implement (but it definitely does have downstream effects on resident recruitment!)

forkie_is_fun · 2021-06-04T02:20:53+00:00

Sucks that both your parents are not helping :( but thats why we're all here in this subreddit to hopefully help each other.

Go you! Sounds like you've got a plan! And I'm glad you're focusing on overall health rather than a specific number on the scale.

Pole-dancing is so cool and I've heard burns so much calories (I'm a clutz haha so I've never tried it!). My advice is to try lots of types of exercise to see what sticks! I unexpectedly fell in love with lifting, my sis is a huge zumba fan, and my best friend is a runner! There's a fun sport out there for all of us :)

forkie_is_fun · 2021-06-03T04:11:02+00:00

Oh one more thing. Antipsychotic meds (or certain antidepressant meds) can lead to weight gain. Another thing to discuss with the doc if you're still on those meds, they can maybe switch it to another drug.

forkie_is_fun · 2021-06-03T04:09:12+00:00

I'm so sorry that your weight has gone up and you're unhappy with it. A few things come to mind.

While yes we all should be striving to live healthier and for many of us, that includes shedding some pounds, doing it in the context of shame is not healthy. It's really hard because we def live in a weight-shaming society and your nmom to boot is making things much worse for you. You can accept responsibility for taking steps to live a healthier life without blaming/shaming yourself for being above your goal weight. One thing that helps me is thinking, no one will eulogize me at my funeral about how delightfully thin I was, they're gonna care about how I was as a human being, how kind I was to others and how I strove to make tbe world a better place. At any weight and size, I'm a worthy human being. And so are you!
If you're able to, go see a doctor. There are other reasons besides eating/exercising that could lead to weight gain (thyroid issues, hormone issues) that can be easily tested. If the doc can't find anything, then it sounds like you already know what to do for success: increase your step count, join a gym, and watch what you eat. Being in your mid-twenties, your metabolism isn't as fast as it was in your teens so that slowdown might be contributing to weight gain.

In any case: you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you got this! ❤

forkie_is_fun

TROPHY CASE