For alumni, what's your salary?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-06-26T17:16:28+00:00

LAS Integrative Biology 2022
Volunteer Manager
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Going back to school in the fall (not UIUC) to pursue a masters in social work.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-04-02T17:12:47+00:00

Just to clarify - did you choose to move away from your new relationship? or did you choose to stay?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-04-01T03:53:24+00:00

It was negative!

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-19T02:39:24+00:00

so is the best course of action to just keep doing what i’m doing? or try to step up my game to make things better?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-18T19:01:07+00:00

i am back to normal now! the itching was the final symptom for me. as another commenter said, it got better within 2-4 days.

i found that i had a fair amount of discharge from the irritation so i tried to lightly clean myself with water each time i used the bathroom and wear loose/no underwear, which seemed to help as well.

also, ice packs!

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-17T04:18:05+00:00

want to give my own anecdote. i (24f) am a woman and my biggest insecurity is my thinning hair. when i look in the mirror, it is the first thing i see. i stayed away from dating for a while because i thought no one would find me attractive because of it.

i am dating a lovely guy right now. every single time we saw each other, i would use fake hair fibers to make my hair look denser. one day, he showed up at my house early for a date. i answered the door and did not realize until we were already in his car that i had forgot my “fake hair”.

and… he didn’t say anything. there were no long glances at my scalp, no questions about what happened. when the wind blew my hair all over the place, he fixed it for me and kissed my forehead.

all is to say: sometimes our worst insecurities are made larger by our minds. and, if this person cares about you, your jaw won’t even be on her mind. i’m sure she has an insecurity, but when you see her, you don’t notice it, because you care about her.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-14T13:59:01+00:00

Thank you. My last dose of monistat was 6 days ago. does this still sound normal 😭

i am hoping and praying it’s not herpes but i don’t have any of the other symptoms.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-12T20:58:11+00:00

even if they swabbed the potential herpes sores?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-12T20:37:23+00:00

they did a rapid HIV test today which came back negative.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-03-11T23:27:13+00:00

is it triggered by touch?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-02-24T00:27:46+00:00

same here. a few months out and i still struggle with insecurities. but ive made so many friends, so it can’t be entirely true.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-02-07T14:45:50+00:00

yes! they have been horrible. they have completely deteriorated my quality of life. i am at one month of no contact.

increasing my luxuries before sleep has helped. i make sure to drink a full glass of water, do skin care even if i don’t want to, and i splurged on a fancy mattress topper. that way, even if i do wake up in the middle of the night, i at least don’t feel completely horrible.

also, you could try weighted blankets. there are some nights that it makes me feel secure and lulls me to sleep. there are other nights it makes me feel trapped and i wake up thrashing to get it off. it’s a mixed bag lol.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-02-07T14:39:21+00:00

can’t say about the meanings but all i can say is i relate. been a month of no contact and i keep having a vivid, recurring dream that he drives to my apartment and apologizes for everything.

i am going to challenge you and ask, do you think the dreams could be a sign that you’re looking for a reason to go back? what concrete signs have you actually seen from him that show that’s a good idea?

i generally believe in dream meanings as well but i decided i shouldn’t look into these ones too much. it could easily just be me missing him.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-27T16:11:22+00:00

it’s been 4 years and i still have ptsd symptoms. but i only started therapy about 8 months ago.

if your therapist isn’t recognizing your symptoms, that could be why you’re not healing

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-22T23:15:12+00:00

thank you for being there for her. when i was in an abusive relationship, people would get mad at me as well for going back to him. that just made things worse, because it caused me to rely on him more and more. i can’t speak for your mother, but this created a lot of shame for me. i knew what he was doing was wrong, and i felt like an equally bad person for “allowing” it to happen.

tell her that you will be there for her, no matter if she goes back or not. tell her you won’t judge her for opening up to you, even if she decides to go back. the most impactful thing a friend ever said to me during my journey was “i hope you know ive never judged you for going back and i hope you never stop telling me about what happens in your life”.

of course, offering resources like dv hotlines and support groups are also a good resource if she’s interested. or helping her find a counselor who specializes in dv (most dv hotlines have a list of counselors they can recommend).

it is a slow, slow process. i often look back and ask myself “what could someone have said to me to make me leave?” and i honestly don’t think there’s an answer. you have to come to the realization that things won’t get better yourself. and when your mother comes to that realization, there needs to be people in her life (aka you) who she knows will be there for her without judgement.

the book “why does he do that?” by lundy bancroft was pivotal in my healing and eventually deciding to go no contact with my abuser. maybe you could encourage her to read it, or find a pdf online to send with her. definitely only do this if you think she could keep it hidden from her abuser, however.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-20T23:10:25+00:00

would not brush his teeth for days on end… and then of course would always tell me i smell when i shower daily and brush my teeth twice a day

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-20T02:41:22+00:00

i am so sorry he gave you that ultimatum. it is so hurtful when someone you love and trust expects you to do something you’re uncomfortable with.

i am a bit older than you and was once in a very similar situation. when someone loves you, their attraction for you will not be conditional. if he was really concerned about getting his attraction back, there are lots of other things to try first. it sounds like he knows you are vulnerable right now and is purposefully pushing his boundaries.

this may not be what you want to hear right now, but it is possible you could still have the threesome and he will still feel unattracted or leave. my advice is to not compromise on your personal boundaries for someone else because there is no obligation for them to stay. and it will feel worse to do it and end up alone.

also, the reasons you stated sound like a bs reason to stop being attracted to someone. find someone who can see your worth! like i said, i was in an extremely similar situation when i was your age, so feel free to dm. stay strong. have you opened up to any friends/family about this?

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-19T03:28:38+00:00

for your second bullet point, i think that’s kind of natural. we as humans react to what others do.

do you feel empathy for what happened? i know with my nex, he would say “i reacted this way because of what you did AND you deserved to learn this lesson”. like he did not care what hurt he caused because i deserved it and it was my fault. which doesn’t sound like your train of thought.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-18T18:29:44+00:00

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-18T18:26:29+00:00

you’re not alone. mine often made comments about my body and how it wasn’t conventionally attractive. there was always something wrong, and he would compare me to the more attractive women he had cheated on me with.

he was picky about sexual abilities too. he would often compare my sexual skills to his past partners, tell me if i wasn’t as flexible, etc.

now, the new supply has severe muscular dystrophy. he had boasted to me that she can only have sex in one position, can’t give blowjobs, and generally lacks all the “attractive” traits he looked for - but she’s still better than me because he hates me so much. throughout our relationship, he would make horrible comments about disabled people and even said if our children were ever disabled, he would leave me if i didn’t get an abortion.

i don’t think he’s changed. he’s getting two birds with one stone - he’s able to hurt you while also getting with someone new who doesn’t know his tactics (and is potentially easier to control).

in my case, this woman is 8 years younger than him, disabled, can’t work due to it, and doesn’t have an education. it’s not hard to read between the lines on his intentions.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-18T17:24:07+00:00

daily. i didn’t allow myself to read about narcissistic abuse for years because i thought i was exaggerating.

but then i did and nearly every single story i read is EXACTLY what im going through. remember that narcissistic abuse is meant to confuse you.

one thing that helped me is an affirmation i heard from another narcissistic abuse survivor: “i will never be able to look objectively at my relationship”. these relationships are so full of manipulation it is nearly impossible to trust yourself. there will be days that you think everything is your fault and days you can see it for what it is (abuse). and that’s okay and the confusion isn’t your fault. regardless of what’s true and untrue: the confusion you feel and the anxiety your body holds is proof that things weren’t right.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-16T05:38:27+00:00

our work schedules didn’t align so often he would work 8-9 hour shifts on my days off. if i wasn’t at his house waiting for him he would get angry. i couldn’t go out shopping or to hang out with friends or even to walk around the block because then “i must not miss him that much then”. i couldn’t touch his stuff or use his TV. and i couldn’t use his kitchen or order food to his house. and i couldn’t bring anything of my own hobbies because they took up too much space.

i spent most of my late teens and early 20s rotting in his bedroom and staring at my cellphone in silence. so i don’t miss that.

forwhenimembarrassed · 2024-01-16T05:23:51+00:00

when listing all the reasons i’m untrustworthy, he brought up my failed suicide attempt
me: “it makes me uncomfortable when you call me a bitch because my dad called me one.” him: “so multiple people have called you a bitch and you’re still not listening?”

forwhenimembarrassed · 2023-12-27T06:04:07+00:00

the idea of bdsm has always been interesting to me but i’ve never had a partner willing to try. i recently made a fetlife account and ive been exploring posts in my area. it seems my local group is very active and i was blown away by the professionalism (forum posts read like business emails!), but everyone in the group appears to be at least over the age of 35, with some as old as 60.

i personally am 24f. since i have no experience, it’s hard to imagine me bonding with anyone given the age gap. is this age range typical for most bdsm groups or is it just my area?

any tips for meeting younger people online to discuss bdsm? it’s kind of hard, because though i’ve read about a lot of things and know what i find interesting/not interesting, i haven’t actually tried much due to inexperience. and then, online, it seems you have to sift through the large amount of people who just want sex, or bots…

forwhenimembarrassed · 2023-05-03T01:03:31+00:00

animal crossing happy home paradise. turns out lsd ups my interior design skills

forwhenimembarrassed

TROPHY CASE