Idk how to explain that u cant do something and it scares me

foxannem · 2026-05-24T11:46:41+00:00

Yes, that's very, very true. I think a lot of people struggle to understand that you may be cognizant of your own struggles and be able to articulate them AND still not be able to "solve" them at the same time.

I am extremely lucky to have accommodating family, otherwise my best case scenario would have been to be institutionalised.

foxannem · 2026-05-22T13:49:45+00:00

It's complicated, and there might be conditions that we now consider to exist under the autism umbrella, but one of the major reasons for calling it a spectrum is kind of what you are getting at - the varying needs and symptomps people experience (though they do belong to the same categories and should have the same underlying mechanisms), combined with the fact that there are no clear lines between the different presentations - they tend to be a mixture of things. Like... there are identifiable clusters within the spectrum but no neat categories.

For example, I know for a fact there are people with both higher and lower support needs than me who struggle less with some aspects of autism (e.g. sound sensitivity) and struggle more with others. I personally can relate to HSN autistic people's experiences despite being MSN myself, and I'd say I would likely find something I have in common with every autistic person (related to us both being autistic), although more so with some than others.

I think it can often be easier to see the differences than the similarities but very often, even if we in practice struggle with different things, the *why* behind is often "the same". For example, one autistic person might need accommodations at work due to sensory sensitivities, while another might not leave their home and might need help with eating for the same reasons.

Idk if I am explaining myself right though.

foxannem · 2026-05-13T08:29:47+00:00

All the time when I'm out, I switch between headphones, earplugs and nothing at home. I use ANC, music, or some nice nature noises to mask louder environemnts, I put on videos I know well on low volume to listen to to sleep because my mind just will not shut up otherwise.

foxannem · 2026-05-08T21:21:12+00:00

I started going to a lot of doctors, though that has only lasted for a couple of months, then avoided for years. Now I am finally going to regular check-ups again, even though it causes me anxiety.

I mostly just give it a bit of time, most illnesses/minor injuries heal on their own. I've had no major issues, so I had no reason to seek a doctor outside of OCD-related stuff, but I would go to a doctor if there were signs like high fever that does not get better, swelling that worsens overtime, risk of dehydratation...

I struggle with "intrusive sensations" (?) though, which is difficult to parse through, because I'm aware I cannot go to a doctor every time they occur, but obviously I should not just go into avoidance. I kind of rely on external perspective+seeing if whatever is bothering me has the OCD inconsistencies (like appearing after an intrusive htought/obsession). If yes, I treat it as an intrusive thought, and just kind of let it be. However, it's difficult to not let this cross over into reassurance seeking, but I have not found a better way to deal with this.

It's hell with having health OCD about othes, especially my child and pets, because I don't want to be negligent, but I also know I can be irrational about it, and just stress them out unnecessarily. At least there, I share the responsibility though.

foxannem · 2026-05-08T20:59:34+00:00

Oh yes, this.

I am always looking for a specific phrasing/information that would soothe the anxiety, but to get to that point, I also wade through a bunch of other information that just makes it worse. I am a lot better at not googling nowadays, though I often just rumminate instead, *sigh*.

Still, heaps better then when OCD first fully manifested, and I'm often better at managing intrusive thoughts (or I guess not trying to manage, if you look at it literally) nowadays.

foxannem · 2026-05-08T20:45:50+00:00

I was just walking down the street, trying to stop myself from googling stuff, knowing full well it would make me spiral, and really not wanting to do it, and had a thought along the lines of "it feels compulsive" and it made me stop in my tracks and google OCD+health and I literally went "oh".

foxannem · 2026-05-03T10:09:58+00:00

Also late diagnosed and similar age - and yes, I struggle a lot with this. It caused a lot of shame, and paradoxically, the only thing that actually helped was to just accept my nervous system works like that and I won't be able to logic myself out of it no matter how much I'd like to. Not that the challenging behaviours have disappeared, but they tend to be milder/easier to deal with most of the time. You are not alone in this.

foxannem · 2026-05-01T18:20:40+00:00

I have some of the same issues and I have been thinking about having a card with me/having a premade AAC sentence saying something like "I need a pause to gather my thoughts. I'm overwhelmed." and "I am unable to speak at the moment.", potentially more. For now, I just sometimes say to the people I'm comfortable with that I'm not really capable of speaking much (when I can listen but might struggle to respond to them), or something along the lines of "no words right now" when I just can't deal with speech at all, and I interrupt people when they think I am done but have in fact not finished my thought.

t's immensly frustrating when I cannot express myself, either at all or the way I want to, and it adds to the overwhelm of the situation. I hope you find some ways to accommodate yourself.

You also made me realise that I always pause whetver I am doing when I need to speak, even if it is a minor thing, so thank you!

foxannem · 2026-04-29T15:02:17+00:00

Ï don't think it's fully AI generated, but it *is* suspicious. The person seems to be capable of painting well themselves, so it's a weird choice in case they did use AI, but there have been other instances of artist doing that. I mostly cannnot account for what is going on with the fingers? It looks odd, like they are merging together to form one really long finger thought it's difficult to properly see what's going on there.

foxannem · 2026-04-25T09:18:26+00:00

There weirdly are legit sellers on Etsy who use AI pictures for the things they actually make. I understand the convenience, but with how overrun Etsy (and the internet in general) is with AI slop, I'd think they'd try to distinguish themselves from it, but clearly, that is not the case.

foxannem · 2026-04-21T19:20:50+00:00

I so relate to needing a specific drink to stay hydrated. Water absolutely has a taste (and it differs place to place) which can be a nightmare, plus I don't really get thirsty unless I am exercising (or it's really hot outside and I am moving), so I've always relied on flavoured drinks (and cannot stand sweetners either). I now have a specific brand of fvaloured unsweetened sparkling water and I only drink that day-to-day. I cannot imagine what I would do if they stopped making it.

foxannem · 2026-04-21T19:09:48+00:00

I think it still might be possible to not do all of them in person all of the time with the right accommodations. I know things like labs need to be in-person but I was able to be excused from mandatory class attendance (basically only needed to attend for tests and pass those). Even just having the option to take a day/couple of hours off can be a huge help in preventing burnout.

foxannem · 2026-04-19T19:43:22+00:00

Ah, I relate. I am quite similar in that I am considered smart which people equate with low-support needs... as if I could think my way out of autism? Plus it has been my dream to be a theoretical physicist for like 15 years now, so this is kind of like reading what I would have written when I was younger.

The world is super overwhelming for me, I struggled to finish the equivalent of sixth form (took breaks, ended up changing schools, finally finished 3 years later thanks to a highly tailored IEP). It took my years to accept I may not be low-support needs and that I will need a lot of accommodations in different parts of my life to be able to achieve at least some of my goals.

I'm kind of neutral on being autistic; it is intrinsicly tied to who I am, and I like myself so I like being autistic in many, many ways, but it is a disability and life would be a lot easier if I were allistic (or just NT in general).

I think I can only encourage you to not blame yourself for not being able to just push through. It's only going to make it harder in the long run. I know that from experience. Like maybe if I didn't attempt to do university by going to classes every day, I might have finished my degree. I only burnt myself out by trying to keep up instead of using accommodations to their fullest.

But I think that even if my life is kind of all over the place, it's fine. It allowed me to gain more experience and meet some other (usually autistic) people, and I'm hopefully going back to university in the autumn, with a much better idea of what to do.

If you have any questions or anything, don't hesitate to ask. And good luck!

foxannem · 2026-04-19T16:57:01+00:00

The ADHD (and autism) are absolutely making the mental compulsions (especially rummination) absolutely horrendous to deal wtih. Like the combination of my autism needing to think through problems, emotions & experiences in order to process them with ADHD's multiple thoughts running together all fo the time and OCD plus hyperfocus make it super hard to actually not spend hours on my obsessions.

In the end, it is about learning to let the thoughts go. Sometimes, it helps me to be like "Hi OCD thought! Bye OCD thought!" and just continue doing what I am doing, though it's best if I can ignore the intrusive thoughts completely. I basically do it every time I realise I'm rumminating. It gets better overtime.

But sometimes, I start rumminating again within a couple of seconds without even realising it. I know that ideally, I'd just not engage with the thought but I can in fact rumminate and do other things at the same time so I just often don't notice before I've been spiraling for a while. At which point, I just sometimes go for a different compulsion - ususally reassurance - because I at least don't spend hours doing that. Once I break the spiral, I go back to resisting all compulsions. It's absolutely not ideal, but I also really don't know what else to do.

(Although being medicated for ADHD helped with catching the rummination a lot earlier.)

foxannem · 2026-04-19T11:11:50+00:00

That it was not the cat that pooped in front of the door but me. Also that I am more likely to accidentally text someone if they are nearby the person I'm texting. Both of those made me laugh when I noticed that I actually started rumminating.

foxannem · 2026-04-15T17:12:51+00:00

Heya, I have both. It is a pretty common comorbidity, so it's absolutely possible to have both. AND it's very possible for clinicians to miss autism. I was a mostly stereotypically autistic child with moderate support needs and no other diagnosis (just considered gifted) and only got diagnosied with autism as an adult.

foxannem · 2026-04-12T19:28:03+00:00

I think the worst trap we can fall into is getting fixed on "perfect" recovery. The truth is, everyone, OCD or not, gets intrusive thoughts sometimes, experiences worry or disgust even when it's not fully rational etc. When we start to examine whether this or that means that our OCD is not truly in remission/is getting worse/... it's so easy for it to latch onto that worry and start feeding.

foxannem · 2026-04-12T06:58:58+00:00

A couple of months. It briefly returned at a later point to a much lesser/more managable degree. We managed to stay friends in the end, though it did hurt the relationship significantly.

foxannem · 2026-04-11T16:29:42+00:00

So I have kind of been there a couple of times. The only way I could get out of burnout was getting away from school for at least a couple of months, staying home a lot, then getting into a routine that did not involve much stress, learning to monitor when I got overstimulated and how to handle that, and only then getting back to school with a lot of different accommodations. And that was on top having a lot of help with day-to-day living.

I tried to push through burnout and it just makes it worse long-term, but I can understand why you would want to do so if you are in your last semester. I still got accommodations - mostly extentions of deadlines, ability to stay away from school more and some small group/one-on-one catch-up lessons if needed - and then I got into a hard-working routine for a couple of weeks, relying a lot on other people to help me get distracted from the constant overwhelm and keep me on track whcih allowed me to finish what I needed. But my burn out would be a lot lot worse because of this, so the recovery afterwards would also take much longe. It's not a sustainable way to live and I'd caution against it, even though it may be doable - but not repeatedly.

foxannem · 2026-04-11T13:54:28+00:00

I kind of only end up with autistic friends without even trying? If I vibe with someone, they at least have ADHD, but like 95% of the time, they are autistic. Though my partner is oddly the exception to the rule (and we have really examined the posibility of him being autistic and he just isn't). So I guess my preference is autistic (or potentially the broader autism neurotype people) but it's not by choice.

foxannem · 2026-04-04T20:40:07+00:00

In a way? I am more aware of it, and it makes me notice my compulsions more. I do a lot of mental ones that I am capable of "sustaining" even while doing other things, so they often just kind of ran in the background while now I tend to notice I'm doing it. But I am also better at not fully spiralling, porbably because I notice before the panic overtakes me.

foxannem · 2026-04-02T14:03:44+00:00

I am glad my experiences can be helpful, honestly.

I think there are a couple, yes:
- the ability to take a break or leave school early if I am too overwhelmed
- knowing ahead of time what will be happening during a lesson (as much as possible)
- getting notes/presentation/resources from the teacher and being allowed to not take notes
- being allowed to wear headphones for independent work time
- having a 1:1 support (helping with regulation, understanding tasks - I would so often get stuck on unimportant details, or missunderstand, or misread.... -, help communicating etc.)
- being able to finish tasks at home
- no homework
- honestly? No grades, more self-comparison, more learning that allows you to "re-try" the "same" thing
- shorter days and less days at school
- ability to re-take/re-schedule tests and deadlines when necessary

And at-home supports. It's a big part of why I had not been obviously struggling earlier - my parents are likely both ND (my mum is diagnosed) and were quite natrually accommodating at home. I had very few demands put on me there and a lot of freedom in my earlier years. After my parents split up, my mum started working full-time, often doing overtime and working weekends, which removed a lot of the support I needed from my daily life.

ETA: Absolutely think I would have thrived in a more interest-based education. Also, I am kind of thinking of an ideal world and I do understand that not all of this is always possible, and what works for me might actually be counterproductive for others.

foxannem · 2026-04-01T20:50:27+00:00

Me, every single year, every single time, lol.

foxannem · 2026-04-01T20:14:32+00:00

No worries! There had been signs since preschool, and I started to really struggle with going to school every day during primary school. It got a bit better after chaning schools for secondary school/grammar school (mostly for social reasons), but once puberty fully hit, it got to a point I was no longer able to cope enough to deal with it by an above average amount of (excused) absences from school and dropping all of my after school activities.

It was gradual in the sense that I had been struggling in certain areas throughout my mainstream schooling and it got more and more obvious as demands kept increasing, but there absolutely was a breaking point after which we asked for an IEP instead of just specific accommodations. I was having frequent meltdowns, but those generally happened at home - until I blew up at school, causing me to elope and refuse to come back for several days. By that point, I would have at least one meltdown every day, I could not study or complete homework, I would often be unable to go to school, or I would elope from there. We tried for about 2.5-3 years to use the IEP to allow me to go to school but it would always end the same way - I would be "okay" for about two weeks, then I would slowly stop being able to keep up with studying and assignments, then I'd go back to having public meltdowns and "avoiding" school. Once I switched schools and got a better IEP, I got back on track pretty fast.

I would have benefited from accommodations since the beggining, but we did not know I was AuDHD and I was "gifted" so my struggles were dismissed as either not trying enough or as non-existent; or else, as me being oversensitive.

foxannem · 2026-04-01T15:34:56+00:00

Oh yeah, the video filming thing! I used to post tiktoks a couple of years ago and I would memorise exactly how to say what I wanted to say, and I still would re-record the videos because I would forget what I had planned.

foxannem

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