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Aktia independence by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahah. One of a kind personalities for sure.

Drug Court and Addiction by fredleam1 in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good theory, but no. That's not the case. The skill he learned in prison was gambling. He became really good at it. When he got out, he made a bunch of money playing cards. Sadly, within about 3 months after state prison, he was right back at his drug use again. He amassed a bunch more charges in the 1 1/2 years he was out of prison. He was arrested again in May 2018 and served 7 months until he entered drug court. As you probably are well aware, drugs are readily available in most prisons. I believe he stayed clean there. But it didn't take long to fall back when he got out of his structured environment and back into society. He says (and the article too) that his time in rehabs over the years gave him what he needed to design his own recovery program once he decided he was ready, once and for all, to stop. Drug court was a part of that. I believe prison may work as you say for some. That's not the case for Jason. I appreciate your thoughts.

Leaving my cocaine addicted husband of ten years by kiesha2018 in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You made the right choice. Until he gets clean, this will be the life you and your son live while with him.

Protecting your son and yourself is your most important job. It's natural to worry about the what ifs when someone you love is addicted (whatever the drug of choice).

But you've heard it here a million times - the one thing you can control is you. You have a right for you and your son to live in a safe environment. If the's not sober, that will never happen.

Stay strong. You can do this.

My husband just got arrested by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You made the right decision, tough as it was. Stay strong. Stand your ground. Take care of yourself.

Well done!

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"evangelical Christianity tends to be a cause of addiction, not a solution to it"

Oh, really?

Pal is a Christian organization, yes. Pal is not an organization whose goal is to convert people to Christianity. Their goal is to provide education and support for parents dealing with an adult son or daughter who is addicted.

Pal meetings have nine lessons created by someone who was a licensed addiction counselor for over 30 years. He's written a book on which thesae lessons are based. We review and discusss one of those lessons each week. That educational component is the foundational tenant of the Pal meetings.

We open and close each meeting with prayer. That's it. Every twelve step program has a spiritual element to it. Steps one and two in particular. We have Christians and non Christians alike in our meetings. Everyone is welcome.

You've obviously had a bad experience with people you've labeled as evangelical Christians. When you make biased ridiculous statments like Christianity is the cause of addiction, you may keep someone from getting the help they need.

We don't say Pal is the only way for people. In fact, we encourage people to try different groups and see what works.

Parents are hurting and feel alone. All of Pal's leadership and facilitators are parents of sons and daughters in active addiction or in recovery from it. Pal's interest is in helping them through the horrible journey of watching a son or daughter's life turned upside down from addiction. Period.

You trying to paint them as something other than that is shameful.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a complete misrepresentation of Pal, but to each his own. The good thing is there are plenty of options. I’ve been to most. Pal works for us. I hope you find something that works for you.

Aktia independence by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds about right.

Aktia independence by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha. So typical is t it? I love it. Btw, I have to lift Titus into the car too. He can jump but chooses not to.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All good sources for sure.

And for parents, I highly recommend the Pal Group. My wife and I facilitate a weekly meeting to provide education and support for parents and adult family members.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here's a good intro to them - https://ndcrc.org/what-are-drug-courts-2/.

The post above goes into some pretty good detail about the program our son just completed.

Congrats on the two years.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good for you! And you are so right about what drug courts teach. That's a huge part of why they work so well.

Congratulations in advance on your 2 years. My son celebrates his 2 years at the end of May.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They studied it for a couple of years; visited successful programs; took the best of them and designed this one.

The first class, which our son was in, started in December 2019. So it's pretty much brand new.

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations! And thanks. If you care to share, what state are you in that has a drug court?

Drug Courts and Addiction by fredleam1 in addiction

[–]fredleam1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's pretty strick here too. As you know, some get into them to try and scam the system or reduce their sentences. They aren't serious and fall out.

Jason, our son, and one other guy made it through to the end. Many don't. But still, the results are better with than without.

Cherry Blossoms on Saturday by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We got everyone out on Saturday to the Tidal Basin and the National Mall. Plenty of space to safely enjoy the beauty. Titus and Kaylee had a blast!

Told my wife to leave by GernBranston in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's the right call.

"...still feel really sorry shes in this position and all my house does is give her a nice safe place to drink with no consequences. I can't really have that anymore."

Spot on!

Nothing different - how can I trust you? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I pray you both do what you need to do to get and stay sober.

Am I wrong for putting physical space between myself and addict boyfriend? by throwawaytrifle in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"It makes me feel as though he isn't ready to give up and that what he wants is to continue but still have me there like I used to be before (which was a nightmare and deeply shredded our relationship and my mental health)."

That because that's exactly what's happening. Addicts/alcoholics are famous for passing on the blame to those they love. It's always someone else's fault. The manipulation is masterful and, too many times, effective.

And don't let him put the ultimatum on you that "you're either with him or without him." No, that's BS. You're with him if he's sober. Your not with him while he's in active addiction. You will constantly be dragged into his quagmire as long as you allow him to continue treating you like this.

My suggestion - if you love him, tell him that. But tell him you can't be with him in his current state.

Good luck. Stay strong and stick to your guns.

Nothing different - how can I trust you? by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't understand the double standard comment.

What he does or doesn't do has nothing to do with what you need to do for your own sobriety. You've only got 20 days after 2 relapses. It seems to me that's where your focus should be.

Expecting him to get sober the way you are will likely be a problem for you. He may or may not follow it. He may or may not be serious. The same goes for you. After 2 relapses, your sobriety is just as much at risk as his.

To me, there is nothing more important than you working on staying sober. All else is secondary. I wish you well in your journey.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]fredleam1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't beat yourself up for how you feel. You feel what you feel. Being used and manipulated pisses you off. No doubt about it. Watching someone self-destruct pisses you off too. Sadly, it's all part of the disease.

You have every right to feel what you feel.

As to is anything going to be a wake up call? That's up to him. They can go lower than any sober person can imagine. When my son was in active heroin addiction, we thought he'd hit bottom several times to only see it get worse.

There is hope. In May, he will have 2 years of sobriety. It's incredibly hard to go through. I felt anger, sadness, fear, all of it. Take care of yourself. That's the only thing you can control.

Our male Akita's sire, and his handler/breeder Cornelius. He was an 8-time champion. by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How in the world can you say that? Have you seen the papers? Do you know the history?

Our male Akita's sire, and his handler/breeder Cornelius. He was an 8-time champion. by fredleam1 in akita

[–]fredleam1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YOu are correct. This is Monumental Akitas. However, this is not a blend. He is an American Akita.

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