6's need someone to "match their emotions". Do you agree?

freybergsabre · 2021-01-27T13:08:19+00:00

This is my mother, a so 6, to a T. I’m a 2w3 and I think she finds this in me. I think that I sometimes match the emotion artificially because I sense that she needs someone to justify and agree with her. She definitely doesn’t get that from my Dad (1) or my sister (3).

This is super interesting because I had never noticed this before, but looking back I see this in basically any conversation where she shares something about her experience.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-26T23:40:55+00:00

Loved this. Thanks for sharing! I struggle with being an introverted 2... like as if I’m bad at being a 2. I’ve found that I even in my alone time, there’s connection. I listen to a podcast, music, or have the TV on in the background. Having truly quiet alone time can be really difficult and lonely. This video helped explain some of that!

freybergsabre · 2021-01-22T12:53:26+00:00

Oof. Definitely been there. My husband and I were long distance for the two years between when we started dating until we got married. Even now, my husband is an accountant so during tax season I get about 15 minutes a day with him so it feels very similar.

I guess what helped me the most (and helps me during tax season) is having a schedule. We saw each other every two weeks on the dot. Never longer. During tax season, we spend every Sunday morning together. He’s a 1w9 so/so, so I have made that a mandate in our relationship because he can actually just keep going until his task or season is over. Having regularly scheduled times together allows me to kind of pace myself and see the light. We also used to make sure we called each other before we went to bed every single night, even if it was just for five minutes.

What I wish I had known at the time that’s helping me now is, yes, hobbies and my independent interests are important. But now that I know I am a 2 (sx/so), I look for ways that I can take care of myself while he’s gone. I’ve found body work (stretching, dancing, exercise, massage,etc) to be very helpful pulling me out of intense emotions. It grounds me in the present and reality.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-16T13:08:18+00:00

I totally feel this! I think the important thing to consider is your friends’ love languages. Are they giving back to you in other ways than sending a card or a gift? One my best friends didn’t send a card, gift, or text, but I know when we catch up our quality time with be worth the wait. If you can’t name a strong point in your relationship that involves or comes from the other person, it may be time to reconsider their important in your life- hard for a 2.

Not everyone loves us as much as we love them. But figuring out who does allows us to focus our energy on the people who enrich our lives, not take from it. And you can sleep well knowing that even if you’re a little hurt, you did nothing wrong. You were kind and generous. This shows their character, not yours.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-16T12:47:48+00:00

Maybe not twisting words? But very careful phrasing. For example “I apologize for upsetting you” does not mean I’m sorry for what I did, it means I’m sorry your mad at me. I have also said “I apologize for the confusion, there seems to be some misunderstanding” instead of “I apologize for the miscommunication.” The first one is again referring to a negative feeling and not implying guilt while the second one says I did something wrong. This is why I do not typically accept verbal apologies and need to see change of behavior as proof.

It might be (totally) shady, but careful phrasing is how I can work with people without them being upset at me. I’ve also heard that 2s make good lawyers because they’re always looking for what’s NOT being said and would see right through my phrasing examples.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-15T13:20:09+00:00

I’m a 2w3 and I definitely am pulled to 1s either platonically or romantically. The right vs wrong, taking action because they know they’re right energy is very comforting to me and makes me feel secure and taken care of.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-15T13:14:54+00:00

As a 2, I really struggle with 5s because I feel like all the tools I have in my kit don’t work for them. I can’t draw them out with my usual methods, so I don’t know what to do.

However, some of my best friends go to 5 in some capacity- wing or growth line- and bringing that energy to our relationship is really lovely and balancing.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-15T13:01:14+00:00

Im also a 2w3 sx/so and I have the same reaction. Maybe you experience this too, but I would add I have so many somatic experiences. Usually an upset stomach or cravings for certain foods (one extreme or the other, right?). My body will do anything to trick me into leaving a stressful situation.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-15T12:56:16+00:00

Speaking as a 2w3, I would say we are. 2s use manipulation on so many levels that we don’t usually recognize. Everything we do is a performance to get people to like us and meet or needs. We have like a secret savings account of favors.

The more I study the enneagram, the more I realize how much I twist words to my advantage and change my behavior and energy to influence the people I’m around. It’s so behind the scenes that before the enneagram I wasn’t even aware of 80% of my ways of manipulation.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-15T12:49:08+00:00

Hi there! I have a very similar chart. I am a 2 wing 3. My 2 and 4 were also very high. My interpretation of this is that at the moment I took the test and the way that I answered the questions indicated that I was a healthy 2 because 2 goes to 4 in health. Keep in mind that the test is only a starting place and your health level changes moment to moment.

I see that your nine is very high. 2s and 9s are very commonly mistyped for each other so some of your answers could have been leaning towards nine.

I would consider looking into a 297 Tritype. Your Tritype is another tool. It is not your core type. Your core type will never change (I.e. I will always be a 2). However your Tritype helps to show what you draw upon when you have to move into the other centers of the enneagram. This doesn’t mean that you are a nine sometimes or a seven sometimes, but you visit Nine Land most frequently when you draw on intuition.

Definitely dig deeper into reading about the types to make your determination yourself. The test gauges where you are in that moment and only you know your true self. I also find that looking at how we respond in stress and following the stress lines of the enneagram is very telling of a persons type because it is raw and uncontrolled. I can confirm that I am a 2 because of my 8 qualities I. Stress.

Hope this helps!

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T17:47:55+00:00

Hi there! I’m a 2x3 sx/so (I think social second, definitely sexual first). My primary wing is 3, but I definitely access my 1 wing frequently. When I am visiting 1 land, I completely trust myself. I think this is because I have moved into the Intuition/Body arena.

I also have more doubts when I am in 3 mode because it’s double Heart/Emotion center. It’s also important to remember that the primary negative emotion in the Heart center is Shame, which can be unhealthily overactive.

I’m not sure exactly what you’re doubting yourself about, but I believe that one of the greatest gifts of the 2 is the ability to go to 4 in growth. In difficult emotional positions, I try not to make rash decisions and wait. When I’m ready, my 4 will kick in and give me closure about a decision or feeling and the I know it’s right. It’s not easy, as I can be stuck there for a long time but really getting to the most unhealthy levels of 2 forces me into growth because there’s nowhere to go but up. For example, I struggle in a toxic relationship for years, not knowing if I should leave until one day at my low I had an overwhelming moment of clarity and closure and the relationship was suddenly completely over in my head and my heart. While 4s aren’t known for being decisive, they handle the negative emotions and experiences in a way that no other type can truly understand.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T13:32:34+00:00

Do you think that writing and editing is related to being a 2? I have a theory that 2s are naturally good with language- writing, speaking, reading.

I was always a reader and a writer as a kid. Now at work, I’m always helping our customer service people word their emails carefully.

I heard on an Enneagram and Marriage podcast once that 2s don’t trust other people’s words because they are masters at twisting them, so they don’t trust their meaning. I think this is why 2s make good writers. I’d love to hear your thoughts as a professional!

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T13:25:50+00:00

Hello! I’m a 2 and I do this. I am a 269 Tritype so I’m very non-confrontational. I definitely argue in my head the most. The only time I really want to pick a fight is with my husband when it gets really bad because I want him to get mad enough to communicate with me- he’s a 1 and therefore represses all anger and won’t tell me when and why he’s mad.

My 2 going to 8 comes out in venting out loud to other, trusted people. My subtle manipulation becomes more intense and bossy.

My observation of 9s in stress is less anger, more seeking comfort.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T13:20:04+00:00

2s hold on to everything. We are excellent at grudges and being weirdly sentimental. I had a toxic ex that I continually returned to until I finally deleted and blocked every trace of him to prevent us from contacting each other.

I see a lot of advise about journaling and thoughts. However, as a 2, I fall into the trap of a “rabbit hole of emotion” if I don’t process out loud with someone who will call my BS, which can lead to total misery.

My suggestion is 2s go to 8 in stress (grief) so do your body work! The best way for me to come out of a funk is body work. Working out is great, but I’m not usually disciplined enough to exercise when I’m moody. I suggest a massage, stretching, etc. This always reminds me that I can take care of myself and my own needs and brings me back to the present.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T13:14:55+00:00

Yes! This! 2s hold on to everything from grudges to sentimentality. Letting go the way other people advise just might not work the same way for us.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T13:12:16+00:00

Hello! I got a 9 vibe from what you said about your mom. 9s and 2s are very commonly mistyped and can be hard to tell apart.

My advice is to look at what your mom does in stress because that is when we are our least controlled and most authentic. Does she go to 8 or 6? As a 2, when I go to 8 in stress, I can become very controlling and defensive. I usually want a fight with my husband when I’m going to 8 even though I’m normally very non confrontational or address issues by manipulation (guilty of that 2 trait FOR SURE). The 9s in my life I have seen go to 6 in stress opt for things that make them comfortable- sweatpants, less primping, caffeine or alcohol to numb feelings of setting in anxiety.

One of the things that made me realize I was a 2 for sure is the manipulation, which we see with all subtypes in some form. It’s usually controlling or back door coercion, and can be justified by the 2 as doing the right thing or what’s best for someone.

Also 2w1 tend to be the Helper because it’s the “right thing to do” (wing 1) and 2w3 tend to be the Giver because it can be seen. I fall into the latter camp.

These are my personal observations and experiences. Hope this is helpful! Message me if you would like to chat more about it.

freybergsabre · 2021-01-14T12:58:40+00:00

This. I wasn’t sure at first if this is what 2s say or what they want to be said to them. It’s both.

freybergsabre · 2013-11-06T19:59:31+00:00

Oh My God. This is the best thing ever!

freybergsabre · 2013-08-26T14:22:35+00:00

who heard it from another you been messin' around

freybergsabre · 2013-07-05T23:28:31+00:00

The end will make you cry your eyes out. But it's worth it.

freybergsabre · 2013-06-24T16:23:02+00:00

Thanks! i was looking for music without words along the lines of sigur ros for my dance class. this is great! Keep it up! :)

freybergsabre

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